Gone off men permanently

[Wynterbaby]

I just am sick of them. Coming on here makes it worse to be fair. Society is ridden with shitty men who treat females like their servants and abuse them mentally/verbally/financially. Make their other half pick up most of their slack including parenting duties. Feel they can judge the female body and critique it when the most judgemental ones usually have a chode or additional flab themselves but we just accept them as they are.
I realise there are some good ones but I am being absolutely serious when I say I’ve met a handful of men in my entire lifetime who haven’t made me feel disgusted or uncomfortable in one way or another.
I just am at a point where I’m so aware of how superior they really do think they are and without reason.
I don’t think I can get over it and I really do feel like I’d rather be alone forever with my DD then ever deal with a mans shit ever again. I’ve been single for 2 years and it’s been absolute heaven. And coming on here reading how so many women are abused in so many ways at the hands of men makes me so angry and realise what I’m choosing is the right thing.
Does anyone feel the same or do I need therapy and a bucket of wine?

Nowhere in either of those links is it even claimed, let alone proven, that "DV rates are highest in lesbian couples". You just made that part up.

My DH is usually lovely but if we ever split I doubt I'd ever live with a partner again. I like my own space a lot.
Even in 2020 people seem to think they need to justify a solo lifestyle when actually it's just a perfectly valid choice to make.

I am with you @Wynterbaby. I could have written your post, I am so glad I am single. But I know there are good men out there because I have raised one. I think being on here reading about torn relationships doesn't help. But mentally I am much better on my own than with the tossers I wasted my precious years on.

Nowhere in either of those links is it even claimed, let alone proven, that "DV rates are highest in lesbian couples". You just made that part up

Yeah I find that really hard to believe too. I used to support victims of DV in court. Sat through hundreds (literally) of cases in which the man was the abuser and the woman the victim. Every. Single. Day. there was at least one if not more cases. It was the most common case to be heard. And sometimes they were murder cases where the man had killed his partner. In three years of doing that job never once came across a same sex case. Not one. Not saying they dont exist but cannot see how it's possible that DV rates are highest in lesbian relationships - surely I would have come across a representative sample.

To be fair one of annabel85's links does refer to a study in which it is claimed that DV rates are higher "in same-sex relationships". It is of course only one study, and referred to second hand rather than actually showing the raw data, so it's hard to do much with that.

But my point was that EVEN IF you take it as true, for the sake of argument, "DV rates are highest in same-sex relationships" and "DV rates are highest in lesbian relationships" are completely different statements. It would be perfectly possible for DV rates to be highest in same-sex relationships simply because they're very high in gay male ones.

I agree that a fair number of men are probably okay. But at my age I really can't be bothered with the way that men seem to base everything around sex, I know it's unfair and it's just the men that I have associated with, but they either seem to be 'tee hee, look tits! Hey, I said tits! Tee hee' stuck at around twelve mentally, or they want to flash their dick every three minutes and be congratulated for owning a penis, as though women should be overcome and faint with lust at the sight of a wang.

I don't care if I never have sex again. I miss a good cuddle, but since it always seemed to involve having an erection ground against my leg.. I'll live without.

Zaphod, couldn't agree more.

I did have a good giggle at the tits comment, but yes you are spot on.

I feel a bit like this but I recognise it probably stems from a really difficult relationship with my dad. This then caused me to make unwise choices in relationships. So my experiences of men are largely negative.

Therapy seems to help lots of people and it's something I intend to pursue but if if DH and I do split I can't imagine ever getting involved with another man.

There is an equivalent movement for men. Its called Men Going Their Own Way, MGTOW. Its absolutely poisionous and I can see the parallels here. Don't give up and don't be bitter.

MGTOW is mostly incels that are mad at women for not touching their tiny dinglings. It's not people sick to death of the shite enforced upon them and society by shit heels.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

MGTOW is mostly incels that are mad at women for not touching their tiny dinglings. It's not people sick to death of the shite enforced upon them and society by shit heels.

I think MGTOW tend to be bitter MRA divorced types. Incel's are angry virgins who have never been nearer a woman.

If anyone has had enough of the opposite sex and wants to stay single (or just prefers solitude anyway as I do) then that's fine. it's the bitterness and hatred that's a problem because that's not healthy for that person.

If you want a partner and someone decent then work on yourself first and learn how to screen out the dickheads. Like does tend to attract like (and as has been said abusers know how to find their prey). If you want to stay single then just stay single.

Exactly. I'm just saying this is the equivalent. Bitter womens rights divorced types. It's not way to live and it should be a wake up call for some of you.

@BigBoosh

Exactly. I'm just saying this is the equivalent. Bitter womens rights divorced types. It's not way to live and it should be a wake up call for some of you.

What about the op posts leads you to her being bitter? Not bothering with men anymore doesn't mean bitter.

I’ve found that speaking to other women I often hear that if their husbands were to die they’d never want to live with another man again. My mum who is in her seventies said the same and is very happy by herself now.

I veer from feeling a bit lonely , after 4 years single, to feeling quite glad to be single ( though with 3 kids so not alone , and always very busy), particularly when you read on here about some of the things other women deal with in their relationships.

I had an awful relationship with my father too though, was made to feel worthless, he was a bully and we all walked on eggshells - so I never grew up with seeing a loving equal marriage, and I ended up with two very dysfunctional relationships myself.

But I think I’ve worked on myself, on my self esteem and finally in my fifties I will no longer put up with crap, so hoping at some point to meet a partner maybe.

From what I've read in Coercive Control by Evan Stark, in that particular study, lesbians reported having experienced more abuse than some other women.

But the abuse they reported was mostly by men earlier in their lives.

Self-reporting in any study (and that one is based on people saying things) is also notoriously unreliable. We can see from the statistics what sex/gender is proven to commit sexual and violent crime including intimate partner violence. It is largely men who are convicted of it. Of course there may be a discrepancy between who is convicted of it and who does it, but most likely, unreported cases or those that don't result in a conviction parallel the convictions in the gender of the perpetrator.

MGTOW is mostly incels that are mad at women for not touching their tiny dinglings

Dinglings

I haven't given up. Given up what? Yes, I've given up men, but that doesn't mean I've given up on having fun, looking good, going out, enjoying my life. I can do all of those things without a man.

Bitter? At the way I've been treated, yes. At mankind in general? No.

Happy? Most assuredly yes.

Exactly. I'm just saying this is the equivalent. Bitter womens rights divorced types. It's not way to live and it should be a wake up call for some of you.

And this here is the problem. Society does not accept that women can be single and happy. The implication is that they have given up or that something is missing. "It's no way to live" etc. The assumption is that people are bitter etcetc.

I haven't given up on anything at all in my life. In fact I am living a much better life without a man in it. There is nothing missing because I don't have a partner.

I've had a look at some of the MGTOW stuff and I agree the parallel is instructive. I could never get far with it due to the depth of bitterness and mysogyny, but if you leave that aside a lot of it is just people having discovered that the social expectations they've been brainwashed to conform to since birth don't actually make them happy. It's possible to have that realisation and "go your own way" (regardless of what sex you are) without being bitter about it.

A lot of the behaviours decried on this board are not actually bad as such (for example, people often say that they would be perfectly normal and acceptable for a single 20 year old, or whatever). They're just inconvenient to what women want out of relationships. There's such a wider understanding of different ways of living one's life now than there was for my parents' generation - having children or choosing not to, each partner working, full or part time or not working, same-sex relationships etc. etc. As a result there are fewer assumptions that can be relied on.

In itself that's surely a good thing, as the old assumptions were mostly sexist ones that severely curtailed the opportunities and rights of women. But it does mean people need to be very careful that they understand each other about what they're getting into in a relationship, and don't just assume the other person sees things the way they do.

And the world would probably be a much happier place if relationships could be seen as optional, rather than obligatory.

Well I suppose if you are content, you don’t really notice the absence of men (or woman). Getting steamed up about them doesn’t suggest contentment.

If you are content, you will miss men just as much as you might miss having a Labrador. It might be nice to have one in the home for a bit but perhaps not permanently!

There are no parallels to those crazy misogynists and the women on here. Those men talk about wanting to abuse, rape and kill women. No woman on here is doing that. False equivalency once again. Women who want to stay single do just that. They're not "bitter" or falling into a pit of self loathing because they're finished with the "almighty man".

The accuracy of this is incredible. Courtesy of a few different female centered subreddits😁

@DandyMandy

And this here is the problem. Society does not accept that women can be single and happy. The implication is that they have given up or that something is missing. "It's no way to live" etc. The assumption is that people are bitter etcetc.

Traditionally yeah but it is the 21st century. 'Independent women' and all that.

Old habbits die hard though. You can get the insinuation there's something wrong with you if you're long term single. Men now get the Incel tag where they used to be shamed as gay if they're long term single (unless they're some fuck boy player in which case they're celebrated), whereas women are still more shamed for sleeping around than anything else.

Women care far too much what other people think. Part of being independent and getting on with life is understanding you are in charge.

The life changing magic of not giving a damn is something that you have to get used to.