My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

He's an asshole. I gave birth to twins 10 weeks ago, if my partner ever talks to me like that I'll show him the door.

Oh OP I really feel for you! My mum said to me 15 hours after I’d given birth “I’m not being funny but you’re still quite big aren’t you”. Some people just do not realise the impact their words can have.

I really hope you manage to make your husband see just how horrible he has been and that he does a lot of changing, growing up and serious grovelling!

What a horrible thing to say to you.

He seemed to really resent you having fun at your parents. Fuck him.

I hope you've gone to your parents where you don't have to look at his mug.

A mummy tummy is 100% normal and how dare he shame you about it. Beyonce had a mummy tum. The reeking bastard can get to fuck!

I had never heard of it before. I was shocked when I googled it.

The problem is OP he has well and truly shown you who he is. It probably won’t be the last time he calls you something vile. He couldn’t even let you enjoy a nice afternoon.

Time to tell him to stay somewhere else to let you have some time without his nasty judgemental thoughts.

My mum said to me 15 hours after I’d given birth “I’m not being funny but you’re still quite big aren’t you”

What a weird thing for woman who has given birth to say. I actually put on a kilo in the hospital after I had my baby! (The food was good)

OMG OP!!! I've never heard that word either, but it's just despicable and unforgiveable. I could never forgive or forget that. My ex's favourite name for me was 'stupid idiot', and that was bad enough (and one of the reasons he's the ex), but gunt? Fucking hell!

I had never heard of this word until now. What a disgusting and despicable thing to say! Which vile and twisted individual comes up with these words?! I’m horrified it exists but to use it towards you is unfathomable to me. He has crossed all sorts of lines into the unforgivable. I know it’s hard but you need to take yourself and baby out of this scenario. The sooner the better. Sending you hugs and strength from afar. You can do this.

He sounds fucking vile. Not just because of what he said - that was obviously horrible and shouldn't have been said at all (and also It's presumably bollocks if you're only a size 14 so soon after giving birth? Hardly massive lol)

It's the fact that he fucked off upstairs and left you to do everything for bedtime. That's Really showing what he thinks of you - you're his nanny/maid. It's your job to sort his kids out and he will help you with the task if he's feeling generous enough to do so. What if you'd decided to storm off as well? would the kids just be left to find for themselves?

I would get out asap. This kind of thing doesn't usually get better.

Gosh, I heard the term just before lock down, I naively didn’t realise it was a mix of gut and cunt. My friend has a very fat cat, and I was stroking her tummy and the blokes were laughing that I’d spent ages stroking the cats gunt. When I asked what a gunt was they just said it was the fat below your belly button.😳

I think that’s a horrible thing to say to anyone, I’m not sure I’d get past something so offensive to be honest, it’s so demeaning to put you down like this.

How is it going now op?

He's a knob
Hope you slept well
Go back to stay with your parents and don't be embarrassed he said this to you, it isn't your fault

I would not be with a man who disrespected me like this. You've just had his child and he expects you to have snapped back into shape? He is vulgar and chavvy and not husband or father material.

My jaw literally dropped at this; he's said the worst, most wounding words to a vulnerable new mum.

What makes it more heartbreaking is I can see you making excuses - "I only gave birth 15 weeks ago... I'm losing 1-2lbs a week..."

YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THE WAY YOU LOOK.

Even if you hadn't given birth 15 weeks ago, even if you weren't losing or planning to lose weight, he'd still have NO RIGHT to say those things to you.

What an arse he is. I am sure you know you would be better off without him chipping away at your self-worth, word by word.

How the fuck does he even know what a gunt is when the majority of us here didn't have a clue?

Yes, this made me pause, too. It's an extremely misogynist term. Compare it to 'cankle' which is mean, but not anywhere near as dehumanising.

The saying, "He's showed you who he really is. Believe him" is extremely pertinent here. You've just had a baby. You're extremely vulnerable. He's chosen this moment to hurt you and then dumped all childcare on you as if it's only your responsibility. If he saw you as an equal he wouldn't have done that.

Life is too fucking short to waste on someone who doesn't respect you. Take your time and start planning an exit. NO ONE has ever been on their death bed and thought, "I'm so glad I stayed with that abusive twat". You and your children deserve so much more.

I'm four years out of a marriage like this. What I've realised in the four years is the mean comments were the tip of the iceberg. His behaviour is just if not more telling of how he sees you and your marriage.

Like many on here I didn’t know the word. It is one of the most vile misogynistic insults I have ever heard & coming from someone who is supposed to love you it’s unforgivable.
I hope you are ok OP, having a new baby is tough enough without this going on. Stay strong & hold your head up. Women’s bodies are amazing & not something to be ashamed of, the shame is all his.

Oh my goodness!!!! A) what a vile word. B) what a twat.

Just so you have something to compare, when I was where you are, my DH told me everyday how beautiful I was, sat next to me at the pool to build up my confidence after I cried beforehand, about my new body shape and wearing a swimming costume.

Four children and 4 csections later, I still have a muffin top. And he never ever ever makes me feel bad about it. Ever. I am trying to fix it, through exercise and diet and he is nothing but supportive. He never brings it up unless I do though.

There is one way to get rid of a useless weight gain. Show him the door.

Ps: be proud of your body. Look what it just made!

There's a certain kind of man who will always relish new and fun ways to degrade women.

If he thinks he can do better than you, let him crack on with that OP. He's going to find his standards and values for women isn't going to be something women are queuing up for. Is he a paragon of physical perfection himself? He certainly has a nasty temper and a lot of misogyny.

You on the other hand would find, if you wanted to, plenty of men in the world who have all the standards, social and behaviour values that your dh lacks.

Do you normally verbally abuse each other during arguments? Have you said derogatory things about his physical appearance in previous arguments and he thinks it’s fair game? Or was this totally out of left field? Not that it really matters. Either way the relationship is broken beyond repair imho. Either he is a horrible, cruel, abusive person and you need to leave him, or you’re both partaking in a terribly toxic and dysfunctional marriage and you should both walk away. Please believe everyone on here when they say this is not normal or acceptable.

Do you like my poem? Can you find a card and write this in it for father's day...

'When I can exercise, I'll work on my gunt
Sadly, you appear to be a permanent cunt'

He called you a revolting hurtful name, and he’s the one who’s annoyed because you dared to ask him to stop sulking when you were at your parents’ for a Sunday afternoon? As others have said: he’s a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful and abusive arsehole. OP I hope you don’t mind but I just did a skim of your more recent posts. You sound like an intelligent and extremely resourceful woman. You could totally cope as a single mum, and as one myself I very strongly recommend it as a liberating experience. Also, I did see a comment from you about how you and your husband have been having sex 2 or 3 times a week since your baby was 6 wks old. If you’re happy with that, then great. But I know many women wouldn’t want that so soon after a baby, and I really hope it isn’t something you felt pushed into. Also:WTAF? He’s been happy to have sex with you 2-3 times a week since you gave birth to his second child, but he dares to make you feel bad about your beautiful body? He really is a piece of work. You have nothing to lose by leaving him.

I had to google it.

Jesus what a horrible thing to say to you. You have just had his baby fgs. I am not sure I could ever forgive him.

Where in this world did this utterly vile specimen think this us a suitable word to use to anyone, let alone the wife he's supposed to love and who only a few weeks ago gave birth to his own child? And if he's actually said those words aloud to you (I believe you) what is he actually thinking but not verbalising?

I think you are quite right to stay in the spare room for a while until you decide what to do next. Look after yourself and your babies and let him look COMPLETELY after himself. He does not deserve any effort from you.

I think the suggestion someone else upthread made of you taking your children and staying with them for a while is a good one, so you can get much needed support IRL. And tell them (at least your mother) and any close friends exactly what he said to you. I'm sure they'll be just as disgusted as the people on here.

Strength to you OP. 🌹

staying with them = your parents

He's a grick. No-one needs a grick!

He’s something that rhymes with gunt and starts with a c