My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

I wish this bastard a lifelong irreversible "gock" that whistles in the wind as it swings past his ankles.

You can do better OP. He is a shit stain.

There are obviously a few red flags here.
What he said - yes, designed to wound to the quick.

The refusal to apologise and leaving you to deal with bedtime - how nice to be able to grossly insult a woman and then get an evening off to yourself while she does your share of parenting work for you.

Less obvious is the fact that he was being obnoxious at your parents' house.
This is a big one. Do you feel you would think twice about trying another nice family afternoon at your parents' home?

Being unpleasant with your wife and others when you are at her relatives' home is a way to make you dread visits. You end up staying home because visits become too much emotional effort.

@frillyflamingo, you should go to your parents' home. You should tell them what he said to you. You should show them this thread. Don't protect him by keeping silent. Your parents love you and they will try to comfort you.
You feel humiliated and small right now, but the shame is his.

Underneath it all is a massive sense of entitlement. He doesn't have the Hollywood-style life or shapely wife he thinks is owed to him. He spent an afternoon at your parents' home and feeling obliged to facilitate something nice for you is too much, on top of any fuss that was made of you when you gave birth, and fuss made over the baby and older child.

I personally never got over the cruel remarks my exH made about my post partum weight.

If your body isn't good enough for him, then may I suggest neither are your cooking or laundry services?

I went back and read your original post, OP. This jumped out at me -

He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad.

My father was like this. He really eroded my mother's self confidence. It is not something I would want for my daughter, and you don't deserve this. I think you really need to consider if these comments are hurting your sense of worth and your self esteem, and whether you can live with this for the rest of your life.

Sure, couples argue, that's normal. But making cutting comments often goes to the core of who you are, and affects you (and your children) in ways you don't even see.

Ask him to specify the name for when a man's gut has expanded below the pubis to the extent that the gut has absorbed his cock and balls and they are no longer visible to the outside, so anyone observing would presume he was an eunuch. Asking for a friend, of course

@Tryingtoslim

I think actually saying anything about your appearance such as gunt is vile. But what is even worse is that he called you an embarrassment while you were just relaxing in your parents home? That is hateful and nothing short of cruel

Not sure why this makes it worse. It is the most disgusting word I have ever heard used to describe a woman. It's abusive, woman-hating, intended to insult, degrade, hurt and erode self-esteem and confidence. It does not equate to a man who loves and cherishes and supports his partner.

OP, I honestly think you should leave him. He is sickening and disgusting.

It's not just that he made this despicable comment it's the way that he refused to apologise or make any amends, or acknowledge that he is a fault
It's deliberate cruelty, you might be able to get past it if he said it in the heat of the moment and then apologized when the anger had subsided but it wasn't like that at all

frilly flamingo please believe that you deserve better than this. Anybody with an ounce of decency wouldn't undertake a personal attack like that, no matter how provoked. That would be a terrible thing to say to a stranger, never mind someone that you're supposed to love and respect.
You're post partum, vulnerable and living through un precedented times. You may not feel strong enough to act, but imagine what it will be like when your children are old enough to understand these exchanges.
Hugs to you.

He is absolutely disgusting. Not that he has any right to ever make a degrading comment about your body, but my god you have just had his baby!! Can he get any lower! I hope you leave op because you deserve love and respect.

@frillyflamingo, you say that reading these comments you wish you had a husband who was on your side. I remember feeling like that and it's so sad. But you know what, you can be on your OWN SIDE. If you are on your side, you will not put up with this. If you are not on your side, you will.

Hang him by his baws and then get him to fuck op.

Be on your own side OP. Letting this go would mean abandoning yourself and signing up to more of it.

That's a really nasty thing to call you.
Does he use language like that regularly about others? I guess, being charitable, if he uses it regularly it could mean little to him? But by God, if my dh called me that, he'd regret it.

@serenada that's it yes, it smacks of incel mindset. A married man but thinks like an incel.

I agree with @mathanxiety as well, how nice for him to get an evening off when he starts a fight and upsets you horribly.

Any chance you'd get tomorrow night off if you told him he had a hairy back and sheeth (shit teeth) and a bose (big nose).

REmember OP, it's sad not to have somebody strong on your side but the first step is to make sure that every decision you make, every action you make now is in keeping with being on your own side.

My x told me to shape up or ship out when my dc was a few days old. I wish I'd shipped out. I stayed, trying to push water up hill. He never got any nicer.

OP - you’ve got 10 pages of strong women willing you to leave this bag of shit. His comment was considered, designed and aimed to hit you where it hurt most. Appalling behaviour.

Please don’t be embarrassed by what happened. Even if your baby was 15 years old, he doesn’t have the right to shame you about the way you look or act.

He won’t get better. There are no personality transplants and I dare say this isn’t the first time he’s wounded you verbally. This new word (that I had to google) is despicable. Just yuck.

Some men are just horrible, selfish, unthinking and cruel; sadly your dh has just behaved like that. Has he been controlling or abusive in other ways?

Is this a pattern of behaviour and genuinely, really, honestly, truly a one off?y

He does sound horrible. He wants you to feel like shit and to feel too ashamed to tell anyone. That way he can hold his head up in front of everyone. The best way to deal with that is to tell, or course. Maybe your mum? Then she can tell your dad/your siblings etc and you'll see that people are not judging you but judging your h.

What a nasty nasty fucker. He does not deserve you!!

There are at present 241 messages on your thread, all from posters who are not your relatives or friends, and yet they are 100% behind you. And not one of them feels the shame is on you, they know it is ALL on him. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. He on the other hand should be squirming with it.

Please seek support in RL, no one will judge you. They will see, as we did, that he is a horrible nasty prick who only deserves a boot up the backside!

You are lovely

He's a nasty little shit isn't he.
I'd have said I might have a gunt but at least I'm not a cunt like you.

What an unbelievably cruel thing to say to someone he supposedly loves.... (and, like others, I had to look that word up - awful)

While you might be like the majority of real women who have a less than "normal for them" body after giving birth, time will fix that.

All the time in the world will never make him anything less than a cunt though, however long he waits.....

I'm so shocked that anyone would say that word to anyone! Let alone a husband to his wife who has just given birth. Please keep hold of how very, very wrong that is. It's a great big banner of a flag saying you deserve so much better. You are really vulnerable right now, you don't have to make any sudden choices but I would be making firm plans.

This man is absolutely vile. Honestly, if you stay with someone like that it will destroy your self esteem. It already is - you feel ashamed when you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Your body has done a wonderful thing! And if he had a shred of decency he’d recognise that.

I’d ask him to go to his parents & stay there. And if he gets aggressive with you, and refuses to leave, call the police.

Horrible horrible man! Honestly, often LTB is a trigger happy response, but in this case - he is poison!

You have had a number of replies to your post. It amazes me that no one (me included) knew the meaning of that awful word. So where did your husband hear it? Has he been talking to his mates? What a vile man.

He's a bully, OP, and the only way to deal with his behaviour is to stand up to him.

I'd give yourself a day to recover from the hurt and then tell him tomorrow evening that you need to have a talk. Sit him down and tell him that you won't be spoken to like that, it's not on, and if he continues behaving like a "miserable tosser" around your parents and then insulting you, he'll be looking for somewhere else to live.

Make it crystal clear that you won't be treated this way. He'll either be shocked into realising that he needs to start respecting you - or he'll show that he doesn't care and you can start making plans to get rid of him.

I know it's awful, but stop it now, OP, or it'll carry on.

OP, what stood out to me was you said he made this horrible comment while you were bickering on the way home. Did he say this to your in front of your DC? I think that would be enough to make me leave.