Random ways we discovered he is a cheating scumbag

[LifeBeginsWhenYouLetIt]

My stbxh sent me a text that was meant for a prostitute!

I was out with friends and he was texting to see if I was having a nice time, then text ‘yes Thursday at 2 for 30 mins’
I’d had a few drinks so didn’t really register it until the next morning. He was so flustered when I asked about it and was coming out with crap so I looked at the phone bill and googled the number.
I’m ashamed to say I wanted to believe his excuse that he had never done it before and had never intended to go. Until I stumbled across his google account which saved his internet searches.
Years of googling her! I could match the dates to when I was away with work.
I kicked myself for being so gullible, then kicked him out.
I was just thinking how he would have got away with it if it wasn’t for that one text, and wondered how other people randomly found out.

@taramasaltarocks could you please pm me with how to view stuff? I'd be very grateful indeed

@NoraEphronsneck you would have been in shock, you weren't stupid. I would have told everyone at the party in anger and humiliated us both!

@DrMorbius

Luckily, he wasn't my husband. We were quite young so it wasn't as bad as the rest of these stories.

The person who told me, wasn't really Dean's friend. He was the brother of Dean's best friend so in their friendship group through association rather than being liked. He was known for being a dick which is why I laughed it off. He told me to stir up trouble, which he did. It was the beginning of the worst time of my life.

@PhilTheGroundhog

That guy was a good person unlike the rest of your ex's friends and obviously couldn't look you in the face and lie any more!

When I was about 18, my boyfriend's MUM phoned me to tell me had slept with someone else god that was humiliating but I appreciated it.

Years ago, my brother's weekend away was cut short and he returned home to find his girlfriend in bed with another bloke. They didn't actually live together, she had flatmates, but she knew his flat would be empty and let herself and the other man in for a dirty weekend.

awakenotbroke I would definitely do the same if my son cheated. No way would I turn a blind eye or cover for him.

Someone came up to me in the pub to tell me she was seeing my married brother. I don't know what she expected but I confronted him and gave him the weekend to tell his DW or I would.

He told her and it obviously caused a lot of upset but they're still together 25 years later.

So mine was a bit backwards in that he gaslighted (gaslit?) me into considering some cool open relationship, which I put a stop to but was left very confused.

Anyway... six months later I found a box of condoms with some missing (we didn’t use condoms). He just started going out without telling me... a friend said he’d seen him in a club with people I’d never even heard of. My boyf could barely be convinced to go to the pub! He left his laptop open and yes I checked his Facebook... loads of messages between him and the OW. Hundreds, going back a year.

The OW was his student (they were only a few years apart though). Her messages included telling him to mark down other students (he refused) and her magically getting amazing grades.

I’d type her name here... it’s a very unusual name. I should’ve outed both of them to the university. I was just in such shock, I could barely say another word to him and left. Bizarrely he was very clear from the outset about how cheating was so bad due to his fathers cheating ruining his family

This happened ten years ago but I’m so angry I didn’t call them out, it’s wrong to other students and without being too prudish I don’t think he should be teaching considering what happened

@tarasmalatarocks any chance you could send me this info too? I have tried to look it up, but I’m just rubbish with tech!

I was getting the pushchair out of the car to take my baby for his injections when i found valentines presents and cards i had not sent

OW's husband was a policeman working in surveillance

So a cheater and a dumb as fk cheater at that.

Went for literally one of the worst people he could's wife to cheat with.

my boyfriend's MUM phoned me to tell me had slept with someone else

Good to hear about people with integrity like that.

@tarasmalatarocks me too please!

@Flittingabout he wasn't doing it because he had my best interests at heart. I am thankful to him now, but he is not a good guy.

My best friend found out that her ex-H was cheating on her because he had rushed out for work one morning and left his e-mail logged in and open on the shared laptop.

After over 20 years of marriage, it was the second time she had caught him and chucked him out.

He made out that it was one woman and he loved her. He has since married her.

What he doesn't know is that my best friend knows the full truth. He met her on a site for married people looking for a bit of fun. He had 3 women on the go at the same time.

She avoids confrontation, so has never told him she knows the full truth. She bided her time as she then got what she wanted from the divorce. He view was that if she rocked the boat and they got into huge arguements, he might not have been so generous.

Fuck that, I'd have made sure the whole world knew what a wanker he was and still got what I wanted from the divorce.

found a receipt from an underwear shop a wk before Xmas, for some reason I knew it wasn’t for me, found the present wrapped under the bed and opened it- not my size, much more the size of his colleague he had been having long evening meetings with and they had had visits to a different branch of work for overnight stays.

I'd have wiped my arse on it and re-wrapped it.

Guys, those of you that have asked me, I’m going to create a page on it early next week and then send you a link. You don’t have to be mega techy but it’s a bit fiddly to start with. I don’t think it’s maybe a good idea to post it onto here. What I will say is if you have teens in the house or young adults, maybe give it a miss as you cant differentiate between who uses what and maybe will
Mistake your teens having Tinder or Grindr or whatever or watching stuff you wouldn’t be happy with for your partner. Also if you have childblocks on you won’t be seeing a proper picture as partners will undoubtedly get around it by using data rather than WiFi. Before anyone moans about spying— it’s not, it’s keeping an eye on your own home router and personally I don’t give a shit if someone sees my mumsnet use or M&S shopping habit etc. My friend found out about her partners use of Adult work this way and saved herself a lot of guess work and an expensive wedding.

I found a receipt in our paperwork for some lovely expensive Christmas presents, was so excited.....yup none of them appeared on Christmas day

@taramasaltarocks - could you please pm me with how to look at DBS information? It would be much appreciated.

@tarasmalatarocks I'd be grateful for a link to your webpage, too, please.

I personally don't need to worry right now, as I'm very much single, but I do have a friend who has confided in me her suspicions about her H. She's not techy minded so I often do stuff for her. This might help, I think she has a real need to find some evidence.

@tarasmalatarocks kindly asking for links/advice too :)

The first time (over 20 years ago) was when my then 4 year old told me that Aunty B... had sat on daddy’s knee while they all had ice creams.

My ex was a teacher - I came home from work to find him in the bath with one of his pupils. I calmly walked out the house again without saying anything and went to the local pub to use the pay phone to call my dad. I later told the police and the school and went to them with loads of evidence I had found on his email account. In some of the emails he was pretending to be a 17 year old and saying what a rubbish day he had had at school and he had loads of homework etc - it completely freaked me out because it tallied to real life, he had Loads of homework to mark, he has just twisted it so he came across as the pupil not the teacher. This was over 20 years ago now and because the pupils parents approved and thought he was a good influence on her, it went no further. She was only 15 at the time - he was 27.

My last ex we were watching a YouTube clip on how to fix the washing machine on his phone. A text from his cousin came up saying “I know all the reasons we shouldn’t be together but I can’t stop thinking about the other night” we both watched it pop up, and he fastidiously ignored it - carried on talking calmly about the washing machine and maybe we should just buy a new one. It was the weirdest pantomime I’ve ever witnessed.

Hope you left him Flippin.

@tarasmalatarocks please could I have it too