Random ways we discovered he is a cheating scumbag

[LifeBeginsWhenYouLetIt]

My stbxh sent me a text that was meant for a prostitute!

I was out with friends and he was texting to see if I was having a nice time, then text ‘yes Thursday at 2 for 30 mins’
I’d had a few drinks so didn’t really register it until the next morning. He was so flustered when I asked about it and was coming out with crap so I looked at the phone bill and googled the number.
I’m ashamed to say I wanted to believe his excuse that he had never done it before and had never intended to go. Until I stumbled across his google account which saved his internet searches.
Years of googling her! I could match the dates to when I was away with work.
I kicked myself for being so gullible, then kicked him out.
I was just thinking how he would have got away with it if it wasn’t for that one text, and wondered how other people randomly found out.

Found a (utter shite) poem he'd written lots of self indulgent guff about 'our sin' and quite obvious references to shagging. This led me to snooping and lo and behold found some delightful pics on his phone - probably know more about her than her gynaecologist. So he was booted out.
Kids were 2 and 3 at the time and a few weeks before I found out he'd suggested trying for another baby. This was several months into his affair. Still, luckily I don't have to pretend to be impressed by his wanky bollocks 'poetry' anymore 😎

Oh wow there are some jaw dropping ones there!
Getting married and having babies are shocking, and the messages with the best man is truly disgusting.
To the pp who asked, yes he was seeing escorts. Well just one, but many times by the look of it.
He still denies it to this day. My biggest regret is that I didn’t keep my mouth shut and just watch his find my iPhone on that Thursday. I would have saved months of gaslighting

I was at a very high profile reception. Whilst I was talking to a VERY high profile guest a woman came up and thumped me in the face.
Never seen her in my life before.
After much denial DP admitted she was pregnant OW who had just had a termination.
We carried on together for 3 years after that ( I know . I know ! ) but discovered other things that you wouldn’t believe
To this day I don’t know how he had time for such a secret life.
He didn’t work away. Behaved perfectly normally
It shook my confidence for years

We used to have no privacy with email accounts, by choice. I’d use his for doing my mum’s online shopping for instance. Then he suddenly got all secretive with his phone. I was suspicious. I found out our email accounts had this strange folder, ‘all mail’ which had a bug. Even emails you deleted ended up in ‘all mail.’ So I found a handful of emails between him and the OW, with him saying he’d set up another (secret) email account that he’d only access on his phone. So I asked to borrow his phone as mine was out of charge, and found the secret email account under settings, ‘inactive.’ So I activated it and found all her sexting emails to him going back for months including pictures etc. Gross.

That was the end of 22 years together, with 21 happy ones for, me at least. Dick.

He followed the script for a while, but the biggest clue was when our daughter saw a popup on his phone screen and reported the content to me. It said You are so clever and I am so clever. I wonder what would happen if two clever people ... and lovehearts. Of course, it was a joke I didn't understand. (It turned out that she was talking about them having super clever children, rather than just shagging.)

"Sharing" you SWRBF, ugh.

oh my goodness this is horrifying :( good on you for kicking him out, you don't need that in your life. Hope you're ok xx

I came home from a weekend caring for my terminally ill father to the spotless house I'd left the Friday evening before. Except for two wine glasses on the side, one liberally covered in lipstick. In the bedroom I found a thong, and when I checked my phone bill found he was calling and messaging OW. Twat still denied it. I could have caught him balls deep in her and he would have denied it. Anyway, she was welcome to him.
Friend got a text from her husband intended for OW. Demanded his phone and found the sordid text chain explicitly describing their hook-ups. I will always believe that he wanted to be dumped by her because she was unwell at the time and was too cowardly to be the asshole who breaks up with an ill wife.

I found another woman's knickers in my laundry pile

Aw, in the midst of all this digital incompetence it's nice to know the old ones are still doing the rounds.

Those were the days.

My exdh was in bed poorly and his friend had rung him a few times, I thought it might be urgent so went to answer it, be was too late and pressed a received text button rather than the answer button on his phone. The text was from a 'mate' and it read 'please let me know you're ok, I'm worried about you xxx'

That started me off digging and said 'mate' turned out to be a 20 something from work who he'd started shagging less than 6 months after we'd gut married

I was making him a birthday card, with images on our laptop. Only to find more images of him then I expected! I then dug deeper and found messages.

I’ll see if I can figure out how to tag!

@EmeliaLily if your comment was for me then yes I’m ok thank you. I took a mental battering in the months between getting the text and finding the history. The lies he told to my face, swearing on the kids lives, and telling me I should get some tablets were probably as bad as the thing he was trying to hide. 25 years of my life were devoted to that idiot.
Silver linings and all that though.......I had the greatest pleasure telling my snooty MIL why he was out on his arse!!

My EXH has the pof app on his phone me being gullible believed him when he said it was a work app. It wasn’t until I was helping a friend go through profiles his profile came up. But it was still my fault I made him do it!!

Omg some of these are awful

"I wonder if men who do this, on some level, want to be caught. They want to hurt you or put you down to your face, but lack the social skills or courage."

I think so. I once had to tell another woman that the guy she was seeing was going back and forwards between the 2 of us telling me was single....he was emotionally abusive and I thought fuck that he's probably making that poor girls life a misery (he was emotionally abusive).
I told him I was going to tell her. He didn't tell me not too. I contacted her on facebook, he was actually logged onto her account and could have deleted it if he wanted but he didn't.

He actually thanked me afterwards for telling her and getting him out of that situation

This relates to an ex boyfriend from like 20 years ago (my dh is lovely and not a cheating scumbag).

But we had a mutual female friend. I messaged her to ask how she was doing, and she said great, and asked me how I was doing given everything that was happening. I was like what, and she was like you know, you and ex-scumbag breaking up and us getting together.

For the record, we had not broken up and I had absolutely no idea that he'd been screwing her for the past 6 months. She clearly also had no idea or if she did, said it to make sure I knew too.

We broke up after that. He dumped mutual friend too. Then got together with another ex about a week later (this was an ex he had previously cheated on with someone else). He rushed to married this ex within a couple months. They are still married 20 years later, but I have it through good sources that he has cheated on her horrendously through those years. Obviously he's still a dickhead.

I also had an ex who showed up to a wine tasting event we'd decided to do with some other friends...with a date! I think he must have forgotten which of us he invited to this thing with his work friends. I didn't know these friends (so it wasn't obvious to anyone else that he invited two women to the same thing). I think they must have just thought I was a friend? I was stunned into absolute silence and literally my mouth was on the floor and I couldn't even say anything. But I couldn't walk away from the car crash either.

I drank copious amounts of unlimited wine. Then work friends invited us all out to dinner and I went along just for the joy of making him feel completely uncomfortable through an entire 3 course dinner as he shifted around trying not to look at me while I carried on the small talk with this other woman. You can't make it up. I don't even feel any angry all these years later. It was just so outlandish.

With ExH - the usual script but didn't have 'proof'
I used to do his accounts and his phone bill told me everything I needed to know.
He'd gone on holiday with our DD and she was telling me about her new 'language teacher' and how her and daddy were holding hands.
Fun times!!!!

ExP - after previous experience I knew something was amiss.
Did some snooping on his ipad and found way too much.
Wanking videos he's sent over the WWW.
Various messages, texts, etc... he'd sent to various women.
Pictures women had sent to him , which is why people, you never send anything like this over the WWW. I could have ruined at least 3 womens careers and lives if I'd been so inclined!!!
And his browsing history....??? All porn. All day long and all night long. Looking at dogging sites, orgy retreats...
To top it off, thought I had thrush, nope - STD!!!
Fucking wanker.

I dumped him and messaged the friend. Apparently it was my fault because my ex husband wasnt happy and the house wasnt kept nice. Amazing how he was happy until he met the OW and he had control of the money and wouldbt let me spend a penny in the house.... but still clearly all my fault and I forced him to cheat

Spotted XH put his phone in his dressing gown pocket to go for a pee , I rang it and asked why got a load of nonsense of course.
Retrieved his phone from under his pillow while he was asleep and found I love you etc messages , didn’t wait to hear anything threw him out there and then

Was hanging the washing out. Found a black lacy holdup. I did not own black lacy holdups.

probably know more about her than her gynaecologist

I'm howling 😭😭

Not at the situation but the way you eloquently put it

ExH let me use his laptop for work while he went on a night out. All notifications left on & a message pops up from a woman he works with, with an image attached of her in her underwear. Opened it to get a full 6 months of info including them sneaking off at work.

I had a headache so looked in the front pocket of ExH's rucksack as he always had painkillers in there. Found a printout of a hotel booking for a weekend DD & I were due to be away. Somehow I waited it out for about 6 weeks until the date of the booking in case it was a surprise for me... it wasn't.

My laptop died so I messaged my husband at work to ask if i could borrow his. I knew his password but wouldnt have dreamt of using it without asking first.

He said it was fine. I went to delete my history (as I always do) and found one single entry on there for about a month earlier for a no strings sex website.

I followed the link and he'd set up a profile and I could see whose profiles he'd viewed. I can't remember now whether he'd sent messages or not. I think he must have used private browsing normally and so just hadn't realised.

So I emailed him a link to the website at work and said he had some explaining to do. Nothing. So I phoned him and his colleague answered his phone saying he was in a meeting.

I asked his colleague if he'd mind passing on a message. Of course, he didn't mind so I told him that my husband had 5 mins to return my call or I'd phone back and tell the colleague why I was calling.

He called back immediately and I kicked him out.