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Original poster

Random ways we discovered he is a cheating scumbag

193 replies

LifeBeginsWhenYouLetIt · 18/06/2020 08:43

My stbxh sent me a text that was meant for a prostitute!

I was out with friends and he was texting to see if I was having a nice time, then text ‘yes Thursday at 2 for 30 mins’
I’d had a few drinks so didn’t really register it until the next morning. He was so flustered when I asked about it and was coming out with crap so I looked at the phone bill and googled the number.
I’m ashamed to say I wanted to believe his excuse that he had never done it before and had never intended to go. Until I stumbled across his google account which saved his internet searches.
Years of googling her! I could match the dates to when I was away with work.
I kicked myself for being so gullible, then kicked him out.
I was just thinking how he would have got away with it if it wasn’t for that one text, and wondered how other people randomly found out.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 18/06/2020 23:37

I've got a friend whose husband took their two small children on dates with the OW. My friend found out because her 4 year old DD told her they'd been out with "daddy's friend" again. What a lowlife piece of shit and what sort of woman thinks that's even remotely ok?

aboutbloodytime123 · 18/06/2020 23:40

ExH went away on a business trip but asked me to book a romantic dinner when he got back. Except he'd "borrowed" my laptop so I went to use the computer in his office - as it boots up I can see his inbox, including an email from a dominatrix he was trying to meet with while he was there. I was 7 weeks pregnant w DC2 at the time. That was only the beginning of what I then went on to find!

JazzyJelly · 18/06/2020 23:41

I installed a keylogger on his laptop. Adultwork, fetlife, fetish dating sites, you name it, he was on it. Bastard.

Mumoftwo12345 · 18/06/2020 23:42

We'd just had a baby and I wanted to get the newborn photos off his phone onto the laptop, hesistantly he gave his phone to me and sat right next to me while I did it. I downloaded them, and some screenshots he'd taken and had forgotten to delete. Thus followed hours of tall tales about what they were of, forgetting I'm not stupid or a child, he finally gave up and confessed.
Tapped me on the shoulder, said sorry & left us.
The divorce followed.

Franticbutterfly · 18/06/2020 23:43

Got into his iPad after Christmas dinner to see all the texts he'd been sending to her for months. That was fun in front of all of our guests.

cantfixstupid · 18/06/2020 23:54

Came home from a night-shift at work. Ex-H was working early shift that morning so I knew I wouldn't see him. Went into the bedroom and found the bed perfectly made. Ex-H never, ever, made the bed so I knew he hadn't slept in it.

Went through his clothes (in the days before mobile phones) and found a receipt from a local hotel for the night before and a packet of condoms (we never used them).

Had to wait all day then for him to come home from work to find me sitting on the sofa with my discoveries. It was worth it just to see the look on his face.

SnagAndChips · 19/06/2020 01:55

Many years ago (pre lovely DH), I had a bf who needed a bit of hand holding. Foolishly I did that hand holding.

After 2 years together we went on holiday- his choice and I acquiesced as I was young and foolish. Had a great time.
Arrived at airport and a girl ran up to him and threw her arms around him. The colour drained from his face. She clocked what happened, I did too.
I left him to get home on his own (I drove to airport), she left him too.
Unfortunately I had to contact him to get my stuff back and he blustered.

5 ish years later he contacted my via FriendsReunited (see it was a long time ago) and told he he had 2 kids with her, and now SHE was cheating.
I never replied although I was tempted with 'Karma is a bitch'.

cheerup · 19/06/2020 06:57

Found viagra receipt in my car. Believed his ridiculous lies for 9 months. Then found hook up site subscriptions in his ipad. Then found out he had been suspended from work for reasons connected with an affair he had been having. He had to leave before he was sacked. We separated and I'm divorcing the idiot.

cece · 19/06/2020 07:00

ExDH was rubbish at covering tracks.

Found old messages to one woman on his iPad.
A while later I picked him up from the station. He was steaming drunk and sat texting a woman whilst I drove him home.
Finally. He'd been out and was late back. I woke up at 2 am and he wasn't in bed. I went downstairs to see if he'd come hone. Caught him having phone sex with another woman.

Finally kicked him out. So much happier now!!!

TomNook · 19/06/2020 09:20

They are appalling at tech

Straycatblue · 19/06/2020 18:50

An ExDP who I was living with at the time, happily let me use his laptop as mine wasnt working.

I started to type in the address of the page I wanted but he hadnt cleared his history and it autocompleted the entry for me based on what it thought I was trying to type....

so as i started to type in say ... www.f... for facebook, it instead brought up the suggestion of www.findalocalfuckbuddy or something similar, (cant remember the exact name of the website as it was several years ago)

When I went to the site it had brought up, he was still logged in with photos of himself on it so he couldnt deny it was him.

I remember at the time being weirdly bothered that I had chosen to be with someone so stupid that they didnt log out or delete their internet history.

Bengal12 · 19/06/2020 19:29

Tarama- how do you do it via DNS? I’m with BT, just went to the SmartHub Manager but the only logs I can see are Technical logs. I’ve got the admin log in etc but basically can’t see the option for logs. Could it be that BT don’t support it?
The thread sparked off an issue with my DH who used hookers/massage services. I caught him out (text messages) we tried to fix things but ended up separating.
He’s lost his business so I let him move in temporarily To the spare room - and then the lockdown happened! So we spent more time together than I anticipated and we seem to be getting on really well. But there will always be a big question mark for me due to his previous and if I’m honest with myself I DO want to find something incriminating...

Icloud54 · 19/06/2020 19:39

@tarasmalatarocks How do you actually do this? Sounds interesting!

IveGotFrills · 19/06/2020 23:11

Think it's this. www.opendns.com/home-internet-security/

@Bengal12
@Icloud54

AnyOneThere123 · 19/06/2020 23:40

Thong in the back of the car

tarasmalatarocks · 19/06/2020 23:54

Bengal and iCloud Im PMing you

rainbowlou · 20/06/2020 00:01

Mine text me by mistake instead of her, alphabetically we are next to each other, he denied it for days ...I stupidly stayed and then found screen shots on our shared computer of an std treatment order after a boys night away..a few Months before the previous cheating...arsehole

Bengal12 · 20/06/2020 07:44

@IveGotFrills and @tarasmalatarocks - huge thanks! Can’t believe how technical I’ve become in the last year and a half!

Oliveoil2020 · 20/06/2020 08:42

I got an email from our medical insurance company so I rang them and they asked when my due date was. I was not pregnant and had been married to the bastard for 24 years. He'd got another woman pregnant and had switched her name onto the insurance but not changed any other details.
After I chucked him out, he then forgot to change the address for his amazon account. A load of make-up arrived at my house for his secret cross dressing fetish!

Original poster
LifeBeginsWhenYouLetIt · 20/06/2020 08:56

They really are stupid aren’t they!
At least we are all in the fortunate position of having found out.
@tarasmalatarocks could you please also PM with how to do this. I said in my OP that I found google history, But that was only for one device, and not the one I expect the majority of his ‘activities’ were carried out on.
The thing that really annoys me is his denials, he would only own up to what I found. Not that I would share any findings with him now, but I would love to know what else he was up to while I was living my happy life for years!

OP posts:
NoraEphronsneck · 20/06/2020 09:05

I was arranging his surprise party for a big birthday. Went through his emails to find contact details to incite some of his work colleagues and old friends.

There were hundreds of messages telling young work colleague - who worked for same company in another country - and had stayed at our house when she was working in this country.

Apparently he couldn't wait to go over to see her as soon as possible after his birthday to collect his birthday kisses!

Although I confronted him immediately as I couldn't keep it in, I Stupidly went ahead with the party as it would have been too humiliating to cancel.

I had a 9-month old and had just discovered that I was pregnant for DC2 - which he delightedly announced at his party. I wanted to deck him in front of everyone Angry

krkw · 20/06/2020 09:07

always seems to be a younger work colleague.... I have to say Ive never tempted by an older married work colleague and if he did try it on I'd actually be disgusted.

PhilTheGroundhog · 20/06/2020 09:19

We were in the pub with his friends and one of them said to me "do you know that Dean slept with someone when we were in Ibiza?"

I laughed it off because there's no way Dean would have done that to me. I turned away and heard his best friend say to the friend "why did you tell her?!"

They'd been to Ibiza a year and a half before and I had no clue.

Humiliating.

DrMorbius · 20/06/2020 09:40

@PhilTheGroundhog, wow that was no friend to your DH. Did you wonder why he told you?

Burmesecatlover · 20/06/2020 09:47

I found out EXH (married 19 years) was cheating when the OW's husband messaged me a carefully collated dossier of months of messages, emails and photos of gifts EXH had sent OW (underwear and jewellery). OW's husband was a policeman working in surveillance so he was pretty experienced at presenting evidence.