AIBU to be seriously annoyed with what DP has just done

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I was falling asleep on the sofa and DP waltzes through asking me what I think of his new boxer shorts that he's wearing. I knew he was trying to entice for sex but I've been feeling down in the dumps today and I'm not in the mood.

I told him they look nice and then closed my eyes again. He comes back through in another new pair a few minutes later and says "what about these ones?"

I said yes they're nice too. Closed my eyes again.

Shortly after that I sensed somebody looming over me and as I open my eyes he pounces on me, naked from the waist down. He took me by surprise and it startled me.

He thinks it's sexy/funny whereas I don't. I was raped 5 years ago which he does know about.

I asked what he thinks he's doing and he laughed it off and said he was giving me a cuddle because he noticed I was falling asleep. Bullshit.

He clearly thought I'd appreciate being startled and jump his bones.

This is not ok is it, I'm not being precious?

He's relentless and as we have a baby sometimes I feel touched out. We had sex three times in 24 hours the other day, he's never satisfied with just the once. I just wanted to relax on my sofa and not deal with that tonight.

@2007Millie it doesn't matter if you would find it funny. OP didn't.

It's not the first time I've had to address something like this.I also don't appreciate being groped before I've opened my eyes in the morning.
If youre having to have the same conversation over and over, then he doesnt respect your boundaries. Leave him.

The more I read, the more he sounds like a pest.

@PickAChew

Well quite clearly it does matter because she was asking if she was being unreasonable, and I think she is because I would find it funny.

He is a massive pest.

It's not as if he doesn't get sex because he gets plenty, but he's sex obsessed and expects me to be into it at the drop of a hat.

I actually look forward to my period coming as sad as that sounds.

Then you clearly need to have a big talk and make sure he understands he is being un-fucking-reasonable!

You’ve got bigger issues than him being inappropriate tonight

Oh I have done, I've addressed it a handful of times and nothing changes.

He'll rein it in for a few weeks and then it's back to square one.

We are very much a team in every other aspect of the relationship from parenting to personal interests, but this is something that really grinds me down.

That sounds miserable I can't imagine being with someone that's a massive sex pest

Oh I have done, I've addressed it a handful of times and nothing changes. He'll rein it in for a few weeks and then it's back to square one.

Because he has no respect for your sexual boundaries. If that is not ok you need to end the relationship.

This dynamic sounds horrible OP. I don't think see how it can be a healthy, happy relationship in the long term.

"We have a healthy sex life, my only requirement is that he doesn't indicate something unless I'm 1) conscious and 2) receptive."

I was going to post that he's an insensitive dick but maybe doesn't understand the startle response that comes with PTSD and that if you are startled and triggered, it's is the exact opposite (literally, in biological terms the opposite systems are in action) to what needs to be for feeling like having sex (aka not afraid).

But, then I saw what your requirements are. You require not to be raped. This should be the baseline, below which no man ever goes. The requirements should be that he makes sure you've had at least two orgasms (real ones, not faked) before he comes. Think about how that would change your sex live!!!

Having a baseline of not being raped is a bit like saying you're happy to eat any food when you're moderately hungry as long as it's not poisoned.

re him, who knows you were raped and have PTSD though, YANBU.

urghh I find this annoying anyway, without the experience you sadly had. really sorry to hear that OP

I dont think you're being unreasonable at all. you were quite clearly not in the mood. confused how some would find it funny, I cant see the humour even slightly but each to their own.

You’re falling asleep, he’s running around modelling boxers in an attempt to arouse you?

He sounds immature and mentally exhausting.

@2007Millie I have to say, I think your attitude towards someone who was raped and the causal way in which you asked "how would you feel if you weren't raped" is disgusting btw

Dozing on the sofa doesn't mean your fair game for obviously unwanted sexual advances.

I don't think Lily was implying that.

I had a feeling this was going to be a sex pest because anyone who's not would have done the boxer thing once, seen you weren't receptive and stopped. You don't pounce on someone to 'give them a cuddle' when you see they're falling asleep.

We had sex three times in 24 hours the other day, he's never satisfied with just the once. I just wanted to relax on my sofa and not deal with that tonight.

Jesus wept.

sorry @2007Millie I misread what someone else quoted but yeah I do think your questioning attitude towards OP after she has explained why she wouldn't and doesnt find this behaviour funny really quite wearing

Sounds really disrespectful to you, especially given your past trauma and that he as form, and especially as e is not listening and apologising or modifying his behaviour

Going off the other thread it seems a lot of us have actually been raped and we all deal with things differently. Whilst I’m sure your DP was trying to be jokey and childish, it’s a good opportunity to speak to him and explain to him your PTSD and why what he did might have startled you. Rather than go for “seriously annoyed” perhaps go for explaining how it made you feel.

OP, do you actually want all of this sex you're having with your partner?

Does he push the issue until you relent? If you say no, would he accept it with good grace, or would he "punish" you, even just by sulking and treating you like shit?

Do you ever have sex with him to placate him, keep him "sweet" and make home life less unpleasant? Do you have sex with him just to make endless pestering end?

I often find the trouble with some men is that they think women are turned on by the sorts of things that turn them on. So, naked genitals, so-called 'sexy banter; hands down the pants when you are trying to do something else. They would LOVE it if a woman did it to them, so clearly it's sexy...

Maybe for some women it is. It isn't for me. And I've grown tired of the sound of my own voice trying to explain to men that just because they would find it incredibly sexy to wake up to a naked woman straddling them, it does not necessarily work the other way.

I hope you have better luck explaining it to your DP than I've ever had.

I really have nothing to say to this. I wouldn't be able to be with a man like this. Utterly horrible.

I suggest you tell him that as none of this has worked, you'd now like to not have sex at all for a while thanks. He's succeeded in finally, completely turning you off.

You'll discuss it next month perhaps.

OP when you do have sex with him, are you always 100% up for it? or do you find yourself just going along with it to keep him from being an even worse pest?

Sorry if I'm reading too much into you looking forward to having your period

If you keep having the same problem, I would be tempted to say no sex at all for however many weeks or months it takes him to respect your boundaries