Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to be seriously annoyed with what DP has just done

257 replies

101stNC · 13/06/2020 21:23

I was falling asleep on the sofa and DP waltzes through asking me what I think of his new boxer shorts that he's wearing. I knew he was trying to entice for sex but I've been feeling down in the dumps today and I'm not in the mood.

I told him they look nice and then closed my eyes again. He comes back through in another new pair a few minutes later and says "what about these ones?"

I said yes they're nice too. Closed my eyes again.

Shortly after that I sensed somebody looming over me and as I open my eyes he pounces on me, naked from the waist down. He took me by surprise and it startled me.

He thinks it's sexy/funny whereas I don't. I was raped 5 years ago which he does know about.

I asked what he thinks he's doing and he laughed it off and said he was giving me a cuddle because he noticed I was falling asleep. Bullshit.

He clearly thought I'd appreciate being startled and jump his bones.

This is not ok is it, I'm not being precious?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/06/2020 11:12

Well done for breaking the silence, always the first step.

Wishing you safety and peace.Flowers

101stNC · 17/06/2020 11:14

I was looking into the freedom program after seeing it suggested here, I'm not sure face to face groups will be going ahead at the minute but there's an online version I can pay for so I'll be doing that this weekend when I've got the house to myself.

Coincidentally I am finding parenting less stressful this week. I do think thats probably because I'm not on edge waiting for him to decide he's in the mood again and then giving in to it.

It was uncomfortable putting boundaries up as I can't bare the sulking and a very misguided part of me felt obliged, but I'm glad I did it. Once he realised the sulking wasn't working this time he dropped it.

OP posts:
SpiderStan · 17/06/2020 11:27

I don't think this scenario is a big tell on whether he is unreasonable or not, or you're being unreasonable or not - I think the follow-up conversation about this is the biggest tell.

So assuming you've told him how it made you feel, and your reasoning, how did he react?

Quartz2208 · 17/06/2020 11:28

@101stNC its not a coincidence at all I think he had everything to do with your parenting issues.

I am surprised he dropped it that quickly though - how is he?

101stNC · 17/06/2020 11:57

So assuming you've told him how it made you feel, and your reasoning, how did he react?

He said he was sorry, other than that it was just me talking. If I pick him up on something he tends not to discuss, he just listens and agrees and then reverts again later on when he has 'forgotten' about it.

I am surprised he dropped it that quickly though - how is he?

Not bad. We were bickering yesterday over chorizo of all things, but no major arguments or silent treatment since I posted the other day.

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 17/06/2020 12:15

I've put up boundaries and am no longer having any sex I don't want to have. The sulking has stopped, for now.

He had to stop it at that moment in time as it wasn't working.

He's a selfish git but he isn't violent

It is sexual violence.

I feel as though i could have put a stop to this a lot sooner by not going along with it whenever he liked.

You told him you weren't in the mood and stuff sometimes though, but the pestering carried on in one point or another.

He'll try some other manipulative tactic now to get what he wants.

As a PP says he could threaten to leave, or maybe he'll be nice as pie for a bit before going back to his old ways.

As someone said once to me 'if 'no' doesn't stop him then 'stop it' won't either.

You've already told him when you're not up for it numerous times, he just kept pestering. He knows you're not a morning person, or that you were sore etc etc.

Once he realised the sulking wasn't working this time he dropped it.

Yes because it was a tactic to manipulate you, which didn't work this time so he'll try a different one.

I am surprised he dropped it that quickly though

@Quartz2208 Sometimes they can be all 'oh yes, of course, that's fine.' That can be one of the tactics, to make it seem like they accept your boundaries and are decent, laid back people.

Then a few days later or something they'll be back to pestering again.

He said he was sorry, other than that it was just me talking. If I pick him up on something he tends not to discuss, he just listens and agrees and then reverts again later on when he has 'forgotten' about it.

Exactly. xxx

AnotherEmma · 17/06/2020 12:21

Good to read your latests posts, OP, you are sounding strong 👍 I'm glad you have managed to put some boundaries in place and say no without feeling obligated. It's also great that you have spoken to a friend in real life.

Ending the relationship is a big decision so you might not feel ready yet, but if and when you want any advice (about the emotional and/or practical aspects) do post again. We are all rooting for you!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread