Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@bangheadhere40 your words about being trusting resonated with me. I'm the same way and I'm not sure it's gotten me anywhere either. Nice girls finish last!

crazycat I already have the book. It does make a lot of sense and is quite humorous at times.

What is the book called you are talking about? Sorry if I missed it ... looking for something to read.

craving Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

That's where Mr Unavailable really helped me @bangheadhere40 because I thought I was available. But if I was why did I keep going back to my 5 year man? It was hard for me to accept that I'd played a part in how I'd been treated. I think giving someone the benefit of the doubt once is ok. We are all human. But to keep making excuses for their behaviour isn't seeing who they really are. It's us hiding from putting ourselves out there for something real.

Hi All
I haven't been on here in a long time, mainly because I met someone and was very very happy .. until today and I really need your input on where to go from here.
We met online at the beginning of Covid and seemed to spark immediately. We eventually met up towards the end of May (I'm not in the UK) when things were easing down and got on really really well. Since then we have spent a lot of time together and were starting to make some longer term plans.
I introduced him to a lot of my friends and they were all really really happy for me and thought he was wonderful too.
Yesterday we went to visit my Dad (he had met him briefly the previous weekend). We were all chatting and getting on very well and MrB mentioned a sport he played in and had reached national championships. He had spoken at length with me about it and I hadn't done any digging into whether he had been that successful or not - I didn't really care! My Dad being my Dad, did do some googling and it turns out MrB's claims were completely true.
I called him to discuss and thought we could have a rational conversation and put my Dad's mind at rest. He is protective and we are very close, especially since my mother passed away suddenly. I know he was just minding my back and I didn't think this claim was very important in the grand scheme of things.
Mr B hung up on my call when I said I'd like to discuss. I texted and said I thought we were a team and could discuss this. He is saying that he is feeling investigated and not trusted and won't be able to come back from this.
I'm completely flabbergasted and so upset. I thought, maybe naively, we really did have future and this was something silly that could be discussed and put behind us.
I've left the ball in his court but I really don't know what to do next. Have I messed this up entirely? Should I have kept my mouth shut? Your advice would be greatly appreciated!

Do you mean the claims were completely untrue @trustmygut ?

@trustmygut sorry I don't really understand. Your dad investigated a sport he said he was in and he was in that sport? Or is it a typo and he wasn't actually in that sport?

Hi everyone. So after 22 months Mr Museum (we met OLD) has ended things with me. Apparently I wanted more than he can give. It's a classic Anxious (me)/Avoidant (him) combination. I'm gutted. We had a good thing together and did so much. Lots of trips away, days out, etc. We were exclusive and just enjoyed each other's company. However a few things did stick out with me:

• He didn't want to label what we had.
• We never discussed our future together. His plans were always just for him.
• He couldn't commit to me as work is so busy/lots going on.
• He only introduced me to one friend. Others and his family did know I existed but I never met them.
• He didn't want to connect on social media.

It's been two weeks since he ended it. I contacted him last weekend to see how he is and he didn't even read my message. I'm upset, angry and feel very used. I also miss him.

Please tell me to not try and contact him again!!

In my rational moments I know it's for the best as he was always emotionally distant. He was kind in other ways, but there was always a barrier when it came to feelings. And I know I can do better and I deserve better.

I downloaded Bumble at the weekend. I had a few chats and that just freaked me out so I've deleted it. I know I'm not ready to meet anyone yet. So I'm coming to find solace here as I know there are always words of wisdom and people who understand what I'm going through.

Hi @supercali77, @HairyArsedMan .. I should have re-read before I posted.

He claimed he played in a football team that won at all-Ireland level! My Dad checked and he wasn't part of the team and was concerned then about his potential honesty in other things.

When I called him to try to discuss he hung up, but did reply to my subsequent text about not being trusted etc. I thought it was just something silly and he was trying to big his achievements up but his reaction has really thrown me.

@TomHardysBitontheside I can honestly recommend reading "It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt to get you through the early days - I downloaded it for less than £3 and it certainly saved me messaging MrC in moments of weakness. Big hugs to you, it sucks, even if you know in your heart it's probably for the best. Binge watch Netflix, clear out the loft, redecorate, get all the odd jobs done, take up a hobby that requires concentration to stop the mind wandering and wondering. Cross stitch/learn to crochet/put your button collection into size and colour order/whatever keeps you busy.

Oh yeah @trustmygut in that case I would trustyerdad

It's really got to raise questions about trustworthiness hasn't it, that someone can fib so glibly to you and your Dad ? The reaction seems extraordinarily defensive. Have you checked out other aspects of what he's said ? I think if this happened at work and someone lied about something blatantly and it involved me, I'd be looking to protect myself. I think your caution is merited and you haven't done anything wrong and hopefully you already see that ?

Thanks for the book recommendation @JeSuisPrest. I'm busy reading all sorts of self help stuff. And I do find it useful. Also, I do have a cross stitch that I've been meaning to start. Luckily I'm wfh full time too, so it's just odd moments that really get to me. It's so hard!!

@trustmygut use your username.
To lie then to react that way... my gut would be screaming.

If nobody minds I'm going to start the new thread before we get to the bitter end of this one (only 10 posts spare now), because @HairyArsedMan came up with an epic title, in reverence to Dame Taylor of Swift and the fact we can actually meet up with irons now to go for more than a wander around the park from next weekend...

Thread 191 this way...

@trustmygut i think the lying was strange, maybe he just wanted to look great in front of you or your dad. The thing is, had you said nothing, it would have always played on your mind as the seed was there.