Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Misty9 I have had the no chemistry happen at a meet when it felt so right, but mostly my intuition has been right.

My issue is I broke up with someone, it's complicated, and now we are friends as we don't want to lose each other from our lives. But I'm trying to make myself talk to others and imagine dating others and I just keep mourning the loss of him as a lover.

@Menora - I'll be honest. In the last 4 weeks I've met 2 irons and have absolutely not socially distanced. You couldn't have got a fag paper between us 😳

Social distancing lasted one date with Mr Farmer 🤷🏻‍♀️

Checking in...sorted it, was honest and all good.

@bangheadhere40 Well done, never a nice thing to have to do, but better than a slow lingering fade if he's more interested than you are. 🌻

He is worried I might think he isn’t interested - he is assuring me he is. I haven’t questioned whether he is or not. He just isn’t a forward guy he is really gentlemanly and respectful, I think by now in normal circumstances we would have gone out, had food, had a few drinks and snogged but we have had 2 fairly formal types of dates in the middle of the daytime - which I probably would be behaving on anyway as to not give the impression I am some kind of sex crazed woman (I am) so we are both being awkward AF - I am so determined to come across in one way and have that respect, he is trying to be really respectful. I’ve had non sexual chemistry dates before and finally when we got down to it the anticipation was not an anti climax at all and pretty intense. It could go the other way though!

When I say non sexual chemistry, I mean an attraction but that all very respectful and polite and fun then when we finally got round to it, all kinds of intensity sprang out at once hitting us like a ton of bricks.

Thank you for the new thread.

I’ve still not braved OLD but you guys gave me the confidence to message someone I’ve been wondering about. We’ll call him
Mr Trainers.

I was torn between ‘the Rules’ (is that still a thing? I vaguely remember a book from my 20s about not sending the first message etc) and ‘you only live once’. YOLO won. So I’ve spent all night hitting ‘refresh’ and and he’s not been on messenger all night. Tch.

The old me from last year would have put it on him in no uncertain terms, laid it all out there on a plate and then got round to knowing someone afterwards. This time round I do like doing it the other way around. Some much heavier flirting this evening so it’s building up

It was really cold and wet today which wasn’t helpful 😂

@menora

Sounds a good way of looking at it -

I’m not ashamed of anything and it was right at the time, but (pre-lockdown) I did a fair bit of physically rushing into things (lot of alcohol and late nights involved often).

I wouldn’t say I “felt cheap” or any of that slut shaming woman-hating bollocks but it was a bit “cool girl” - not giving myself time to honestly communicate and take time and check in with how I was feeling?

I won’t say I was (or am) desperate for a relationship (childfree by choice so no rush really) but I didn’t really find much meaningful connection there.

@MsJaneAusten

Well done, it’s always nerve wracking contacting someone you like isn’t it!

Thanks Bunkbed. The also helped. Let’s hope I’m not cringing tomorrow!

You - and @menora sound like you’ve taken a lot of time to think about what you want. How empowering! I keep saying I want to be single and independent, but my recent obsessing over Mr Trainers suggests not!

@dancemom glad to hear your chat went well and all is still rosy.

And lovely update @SortingItOut

@Ihavenicelegs didn't want to be rude by ignoring your request for profile feedback, same applies to @bangheadhere40 as I know you asked the other day as well. I don't know what you'd call what MissH and I are doing, but we're sort of in limbo deciding whether to try again (well I am, she wants to). But she told me she checked the other week to see if I'd been on any of the apps, so don't want to complicate the situation further.
If you can screenshot and PM that might be an option, but I know @HairyArsedMan has helped with reviews before so will hopefully be along shortly (and won't mind me offering his services 😂).

Thanks @Ant330 me too 😊

@Janeausten

Fingers crossed for tomorrow, and I hope you get the confidence to get into the OD thing soon

There’s a lot of weirdos on OD but it might be worth starting with Okcupid as it seems a little bit less crazy than other sites (in my opinion, obviously there’s horrible ones everywhere).

So messaging 5 people since lockdown began. Need to meet them

I don't mind passing comment on profiles. I would just say to PM location and age first as I could have to disqualify myself.

Thanks to @Menora for checking mine and some very helpful suggestions.

@CheesecakeAddict Almost everything about POF is wrong unless you pay it seems. Can't search properly, limited profile views, meet me notifications. I got messages from NuttyNanna and Cummate (that's two individuals rather than a double act). I thought I was on the wrong site ! I tried to delete them but they just won't go.

It seems quite a few amongst us have already decided that lockdown has gone on long enough. I am sorely tempted to see Mr Photography who I was seeing before lockdown on a FWB basis. He's up for it. ..literally it would appear !
I am still wrangling with my feelings for Mr Van who seems reticent to break lockdown. Still lots of connection and talking though of plans for things we will do as soon as we can. Did a quiz with him earlier and he feels very much part of my everyday life. I just need to see him in person to make it feel properly real again.
And for those of you who will have heard me mention Mr Cocky, ( 6yrs FWB ) I took control of the situation last week and told him I needed a break. I was tired of the continual emotional yo yoing. Deleted his whatsapp chat again and not even checked once to see if he'd been online. Feels very empowering.

Just a note for the newer posters that if you are using the @ sign to tag another poster please use their full name, not a short version otherwise some random who normally only posts in "Crocheting and crafts" (or who actually uses MN for parenting advice 🤔), who does have the shorter name may end up getting a message telling them they've been tagged in a post asking where's the best place to buy a vibrator...

If you are only use the bold function like "Hey Shitwith how are things going?" shortening their user name is fine and no one reports us to MNHQ.

Fanks 👍🏻🌻

jesuis 👍🏽

I think @HairyArsedMan should tag cummate and nuttynanna see if they surface on here !

My pof inbox made me think all that “you should have married the first bloke who paid attention to you when you were 25” bollocks was true....

My pof inbox made me think all that “you should have married the first bloke who paid attention to you when you were 25” bollocks was true...

@Onesmallstep67 Sounds like you've made a really positive step regarding MrCocky. I think at the moment a lot of people, realising there's no chance of a vaccine any time soon are self risk assessing and making a judgement they're comfortable with regarding possible exposure.

@HairyArsedMan your post about the double act made me properly LOL. You lucky, lucky man.

@Ant330 please change her name to MsBoomerang 😂 x... you two are the Liz Taylor and Richard Burton of the thread 🤞🏻 if you decide to give it another go, she's obviously got something that keeps drawing you back to her. Maybe neither of you were properly in the right place last time and you've moved on from some old demons now.