Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@30somethingandstillsingle I dont think they are up for them tbh, claiming they dont think theyd be able to keep there hands to themselves or they're no fun 🙄.

How do you guys cope with talking to more than 1 at a time. I feel hugely guilty. I am talking to an old iron but I think there might be a communication mismatch and I am holding back messaging which has been fine, but I think only because I'm chatting to others. I have dtd with old iron so feel guilty to both old and new 😞. do u think it's best to chat to old iron to say, messaging doesnt match? he is online lots but not sure if it's for work or not and has said in the past that I messaged too much for him, so I've pulled back but using other irons to fill the gap which I feel isnt quite right. 😞

oh also, I've been chatting to a guy who seems pretty normal which is rare but he has went on to say his penis is comically small. I've never had a guy say this before lol. I dunno what to do lol.

I've binned pof now, sticking to match and ok cupid.

Have a date this evening with Mr Teacher from match. Really not sure what to expect, not excited or anything after the chip disaster last week. Got to keep trying I suppose.

A SD walk, so much easier when could meet up in a pub somehow

@crazycatlady20 glad it's not just me then.

To be fair the only site I'm using is fab, so it is mostly the physical side we are after, but still.. I always insist on a social first to make sure there is mutual attraction.

A comically small penis? is day run for the hills, but then again I would probably ask for a picture

@HairyArsedMan I know what you mean I lasted about 16 hours on PoF - and 10 of those I was either asleep or out LOL. To be fair though I did meet 1 great guy from there but i think that was pure luck. I haven't tried coffee meets bagel but sounds hilarious
@crazycatlady20 - I don't know what to think of your small willy guy The fact that he's mentioned it already indicates he must be very self conscious of it which I don't think would be a good thing - he might be really timid and nervous in bed - and personally i like a guy who is confident in that area.

@30somethingandstillsingle I dont usually ask for pics. I'll see if he mentions it again lol.

@iamthrough so do I cos I'm a bit shy myself. urgh he doesnt look like he'd lack confidence at all. just my luck lol.

@crazycatlady20 When someone tells you who there are believe them... Unless it doesn't matter to you. Or maybe he's testing you to see how shallow you are and he's hung like a donkey? Who knows? It's all mind games.

@30somethingandstillsingle Chatting to someone for 3 months, who you don't speak to on the phone, you've never met and he's waving some red flags already is a road to nowhere. I'd use the lockdown to back out now. Why invest any more of your time or energy in it? He doesn't sound like a nice person at all.

@HairyArsedMan That made me properly LOL. Coffee beans and Bagels?? Randy Mandy? I had a mad swiping session last night. I woke up this morning with much regret. I've whittled it down to 3 who seemed OK personality wise, but I'm going to let 2 of them go and keep the one with hair. As much as I try not to have "a type" I just can't do close shaven/bald.

@HairyArsedMan I hate to break it to you but one of your views was me! I set up a pof account to view your profile. Now I need to remove all evidence of it from my phone as I don’t know how i’d explain it to Mr R.

Maybe this is my problem @JeSuisPrest. A lot of my hair has migrated south

Are you RandyMandy @StealthNinjaMum ? (joke)

For the benefit of the thread StealthNinjaMum was checking my profile rather than breaking any rules. She raised a maybe interesting point that it could be seen as intimidating. I didn't agree as I know myself and I'm utterly normal and probably a bit sub par in parts (but I keep trying in those). I'm a single parent living in a terraced house that needs a bit of work (can't wait for my furlough to start) with all the same struggles as the average person really. She mentioned dating someone a long time ago where she couldn't see why that bloke would date her, with all of his stuff going on. I wouldn't like to write a profile that said I had no life (because that's not true), but equally I don't want to ham it up either.

So my question to you all, is how much is too much and do you ever look at a profile and go 'blimey don't think I can handle that person at all?'. I'll be honest, there are women's profiles where I think that. It's usually the ones that are bombing off travelling left right and centre, and I just figure I won't be able to join in and quality time would be an issue.

Hairy I didn’t think that at all when I looked at your profile!

I would be bored by someone going in depth about their work or success and you didn’t do that.

I think you can’t help the fact that some people men and women will feel intimidated by someone for various reasons stable, successful etc or even just really busy but that is about their insecurities and incompatibility? I tend to get people asking ME why I am dating them because I am not in the depths of small children anymore and they imagine (assume) that I will want to be backpacking in the Congo before long, but that’s not what I want at all

@Hairyarsedman yeh I pass on profiles that are jam packed. I'm a single mum, dd only goes to grandparents 1 night a week if I ask. I struggle to get 1 holiday a year never mind multiple plus weekend breaks.

I think my life might seem pretty boring. if I had a partner I'd do a bit more eating out and some activities I guess but it suits me. I'm not looking for anything spectacular. tbh quiet life suits me. I'd just like someone to share that quiet life with. for someone to spend time with and at the moment because of dd that means I'm indoors after 7.30. I dont like to put that on my profile tho cos I think guys might I'm assume I'm just after a hook up when I'm not.

Don't worry @HairyArsedMan there are plenty of us who are quite partial to a baldie. As long as it's balanced out with an (unambiguous) beard. Although actually you're not!

I got myself on tinder yesterday and I'm quite enjoying it. I'm swiping within a sensible age range. Got half a dozen chats in the go, trying to whittle them down. Have agreed to go on a date with a guy I matched with in March. We message intermittently. I know I won't fancy him. Although he is bald with a beard. But I feel I owe it to him after months of intermittent chat. And he's nice enough. And I need to get back out there gently. Having had hardly any face to face conversations even with people I know in 3 months has left me feeling quite shy.

@HairyArsedMan I think a bit of middle ground is in order on a profile in terms of saying what you get up to. I do swipe away from anyone who states they are looking for a travel buddy or similar, or mentioned they're at the gym every 5 minutes - as i know i couldn't keep up! On the other hand if someone does nothing except sit in front of Netflix that's a turn off too.

Good Luck with the date @unambiguousbeard, maybe he will surprise you - there must be something if you've kept in contact since March.

@Clovertoast and @chockaholic72

Great nice updates.

Well I have no idea what's going on with Mr Music. He said he might be able to visit after work last night and he'd keep me posted. Well I heard nothing til 10.30pm and it was just WHAT A DAY. I just replied with ?
And this morning he said he had (very minor) accident, but issues with car etc. I expressed my concern then said, it would have taken 10 seconds to message me, open honest and respectful communication is important to me. He accepted that and apologised. He's obviously not himself today, has messaged a bit but I have no idea whats going on. We have no plans to meet now and although I do like him a lot, I can't chase him down for a date when I'm the one that made the other suggestions.

I'm just going to be cool, his move.

@crazycatlady20 I remember Mr Tea told me this, in actuality it's the opposite. I realised after it was part of his self deprecating humour and in no way actually thinks it's true.

@cravingthelook that is 2 of my bugbears. if u say you are going to do something, do it. Also it takes 2 secs just to text, prob even quicker to call.

How long will you leave it to see if he arranges another date?

@HairyArsedMan I looked at the coffee/bagel app a while ago. Couldn't make any sense of it either. It was just trying to hard to be different.

I avoid anyone who says they want a travel companion because I can't spontaneously go away on holiday. And those who look like they never leave the sofa.

A friend of mine (mid 40s) has a profile that says he likes "doing sporty things, looking at art, eating and playing guitar'. I like it because it gives a little insight into his character but it's not a huge off-putting list of stuff.

I haven't had a match on tinder or a message on POF for about a week now. I looked at OKC but it gave me a choice of 6 men. I live in city ffs, where are all decent men?

If I can clarify my comments about @HairyArsedMan’s profile without outing him, he has a couple of impressive achievements. Now we all know on this thread that he’s a great bloke but I was thinking from the perspective of someone being put off by his achievements. I dated a similar guy who was incredibly successful at work and had won awards for one hobby and was a professional standard for another and I didn’t think I would sustain his interest because he was clearly an overachiever and I’m quite lazy.

I tend to swerve the ones with loads of kids - I know that sounds shallow but it's not meant to be. I had three likes with men who have four kids, and I don't have any. I don't mind that, but what with 50/50 contact and kids clubs, school, parents evenings etc, along with my allotment and climbing class, I couldn't really see when I could meet them much.

I down play things, especially the achievements. In my past I've been a trained chef, a half-decent mountaineer and done some serious hilly road cycling in the Alps - I just put that I'm a decent cook and a cycling nerd and l love trekking. If they want to know more, then I'll tell them, but I don't put it up front. I've learned from riding that there's a certain category of man who doesn't like it when a woman overtakes him on a bike - I am keen to date a guy who rides, but not with that mindset so being vague helps me to weed those out, as cyclists usually ask what kind of riding I do.

@crazycatlady20 The comically small penis guy probably has some kind of humiliation fetish about it. Why else would he mention it. I guess it depends whether you're into that.

I do 2 sports. One I've been doing for years and I've reached a fairly high level in it.
I used to mention the sport or put a photo of me doing it. But I had so many negative comments that now I don't say anything unless it comes up naturally in conversation.

Similar to chockaholic72, there seems to be a section of men who don't like women who are good at sports.

I agree. Have learnt from experience that interesting hobbies are great to mention (I have a couple of unusual ones in my profile that receive lots of comments) but only if it’s something that doesn’t require too much skill! 😂

@cravingthelook do you think he could be starting to breadcrumb you? This isn't the first time is it, that his contact has been off?

I get no conversations on tinder, I've currently got 63 matches, but if I initiate a conversation, I get nothing in reply 😩.

I think I've got two dates on Thursday and trying to dodge one on Friday because he's being very pushy.

I'm talking to 5? That's regularly. Is that bad? 🤣