Is this the end?

[MizzogMe]

I've name changed as I think my OH comes on here occasionally. I'm really hoping for a bit of perspective. Thank you for reading.

Things are not going well with my OH. He is too hard with our two sons, and his bad temper, grumpiness and criticism is becoming too much to bear. I told him yesterday that I didn't agree with his latest punishment and all hell has broken loose since then.

He has been moody, eating separately to us, arguing with me over the heads of our children (while they sat heads bowed on the floor before I made him take the conversation to a private space). He went to bed at 8.30. He's said I obviously don't like him, he should move out, all because I disagreed with him about how to discipline the boys.

The thing is I knew this was how it would be when I was honest about my opinion. He can't take any disagreement. We've been together for 20 years and I realise just how much I have accepted over the years for a quiet life and to placate him.

He smokes a lot of cannabis - I hate it but I've never made a fuss about it because I accepted it so early in our relationship and because any hint of criticism creates a world of conflict. I hate how complicit I have become in his behaviour.

Since lockdown he has expected me to take our children out for two hours every day the second I finish my full time job. He is a full time father but I am in charge of the homeschooling. If I am late to take them out he gets really shitty with me as he is not getting the time he needs to himself to persue his hobby (music making).

I think maybe he should move out. But he is putting it all on me. Even today it's "maybe I should move out as you obviously don't admire me" apparently a key part of a relationship.

I can't go on like this can I. Have I been so awful to him? Does it even matter at this juncture.

I'm sorry this is so jumbled. I'm upset and confused.

Oh and for god sake please please stop feeling sorry for him, he gives you nothing, he’s a cocklodger.

He’s done a good job on you, wearing you down, making you feel you can’t manage without him!!
There is absolutely no reason to give any of your money!! Wtf for.
He’s got 20k
If you give him money, he’s going to be laughing at you for being so gullible
Please don’t
Save it for you & the kids and go on a peaceful, happy holiday (when we can again)

Mizzog he is not financially dependent on you in the true sense of the word, because he has the option to be independent. He has £20k ish. That's a year's salary for a lot of people. He has been an abusive parasite to you and the children, you owe him nothing, not emotionally, not financially, and not morally.

I do feel that I will have to support him for a while after I ask for him to move out. He is financially dependent on me and despite having his own money I feel it is the right thing at the end of our long relationship.

He prefers spending your money and keeping his money. That's not financial dependence.

How about he gives you half of the 20k first. Then you talk more about sharing money.

You really should be putting yourself and your children ahead of a fully grown man who can shift for himself.

My children live with me, they spend 1-2 nights in the week at their dads (if they want to) and currently we split the weekend.
We cover each other for work if needed.
He actually has to physically spend more time with them doing things (rather than relying on me to do so) and the kids are a lot happier this way.
I am a lot happier too and slowly but surely finding my feet again 😊
I would let your parents know everything, sometimes it's that extra bit of bolstering you need to get you out of that rut.
It's worth it xx

Ok, I will tell you this, OP.
I was you. My exH did work, a couple of hours a day in a shop, because he was’looking after our DD’. Things escalated, he resented having to get her ready in the mornings, looking after her etc, to the point my poor kid was calling me in tears at work to make him stop. Turns out he hit her quite a few times too!!!
So I left. He’s not doing well at all. DD and I are content. However, she keeps bringing up how abusive he was, how awful it was for her and how grateful she is I listened to her and left.
Don’t mess your kids up, change the locks, protect your kids