Anyone want to start a self-care / self-love / personal development thread?

[Blurpblorp]

I'm not 100% sure how to describe what I mean. I'm a proud mum, divorced, and newly-single and keen to stay that way and figure out who am I after my heart's taken a good bruising these last few years.

Is anyone interested in a thread concerned with self-care / personal development? The things I'm thinking are:

learning to value myself
accept my body for how it is
eat food for nourishment and pleassure, not mindless chomping
commit to moving my body for fun, not brainless calorie burning
work out what I really want out of life
challenge my white privilege
activism for causes that matter to me like climate change and racism
try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
learn how to set and maintain barriers
understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from
change things I don't like about my personality and if I can't change them, accept them.
get a proper skincare regime
consider my spirituality
save money
finish up the DIY projects at home and get my house as I want it

So many things. Would anyone like to join? If so, what are your circumstances and what's on your list?

A YouTube channel I recommend is We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez www.youtube.com/channel/UCHk_36kn2zDnVL-d23tE6bg

we definitely do all have photos like that. That is one thing I'm working on; the harsh voice in my head. It's difficult but I'm trying to look at 'bad' photos, in the mirror at my least-preferred parts of my body and say positive, kind things to myself. Give it a try?

The psychiatrist I see told me I should spend a few minutes looking in the mirror every morning telling myself positive things and telling my inner voice to "fuck off". It's definitely hard the first few times but I think he's right and it can help.

I managed some cross stitch last night and today we went for a 2 mile bike ride through the woods to a viaduct with lovely views out towards the sea.

Spent all weekend outside. Got rained on lots but still enjoyed it

Hi everyone - are you like me and feel like hibernating today? It's cold and drizzly here and I'm having Sunday's leftover stew for an early lunch (it's this if you're interesteed www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/spring-veg-stew-cheddar-dumplings delicious!)

Thanks @NoMoreDickheads for the recommendations. I watched (part of) a Kris Godinez video yesterday 'Steps to (re)finding yourself. Need to watch the rest, it was great.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I've sometimes tried telling negative thoughts to fuck off. It works a bit then I wonder whether I shouldn't speak more kindly to them? shrugs Whatever works I say!

I'm chuffed today because something inconsequential happened and I took it personally and thought about getting upset. Then I realised that I'm due on my period and in the autumn/winter phase of my cycle where I feel sensitive. Made so much sense and a weight was lifted!!! And I think that now I understand my reaction more, I'm going to deal with this (silly, small) happening much more effectively. One thing of my self-care journey is to properly understand and acknowledge my menstrual cycles and the effect they have on me. Not feel like it's all in my head and isn't deserving of being a priority (which my ex always implied). Sweeeeeet freedom of divorce......

Have a good day all x

Also... @Accidentalaccountant your weekend sounds lovely and mine was the same. Isn't it bliss to be outside?!

Hi lovelies :) I have finally moved! It is a b&b but really - a studio flat. Took a lot of bleach but we made it clean and cosy. My kids have settled in and we are ok.
I feel like I should have felt more devastated and upset with the situation than I am in. But somehow - I am ok. And even more than ok - quite happy actually :) Maybe the full reality hasn't hit me yet? Or maybe, I have grieved enough and now I am out at the other side. Who knows.

It has been a full, awesome moth since I last had alcohol! So so many difficult days when I felt very tempted to drink. And usually I would be drinking. Like celebrating the fact that I have, finally, moved out. But I didn't, and it's great.
I am seeing my ex-crush most days now and we chat. And I am so cool about it! I thought I'd never get over her... Incredible.

Some crazy things happened to me in the last year that I would never, in my wildest dreams would have thought possible. A year ago I was unhappily married and in love with someone else, my life was pure misery to the point that I was hoping to be hit by a car on my way to work. And then much darker times came, when I decided to face my life and deal with it. And back then everyone thought I had a perfect life. Now - my friends are horrified at my situation but actually - I am finally happy and free. :)

Ah @Kirstyhasleft you did it! you've done it. And you feel great! My friend moved this week and she was so teary and wobbly in the last week here but now she's sent photos of her new place up north and just seems so happy. You're through some of the worst bits now and the only way is up. So pleased for you. What do you think changed regarding your ex-crush? Maybe now you're more free to be yourself it's not as intense? And fantastic that you've remained off the drink. You deserve a large dose of self-care and self-congratulation. You've climbed a mountain, enjoy the view

Aww @Blurpblorp, thank you!
I took my boys for a quick kickabout at the local park just before the bedtime today. Such a simple thing but I have never done it before like this. I used to hate going out to the park with them. It was such a chore. Now - I was nagging them to get out :) I feel so free.

Yes, maybe me being more myself and more free has made a difference. But also - I have been working bloody hard on weaning myself off her. Anyway, it worked :)

Morning all

Sending you all good vibes. What are your plans for today?

I'll kick off: I want to connect to my energy chakras today. I'm in week 1 of this 12 week course and this is my homework. It's been an interesting week already!

I am about to do a Zoom meeting with a psychologist about Wellbeing and The Emotional Regulation In The Aftermath of The Pandemic. It is organised by my kid's school.

Sorry been reading but not posting. Self care has taken a back seat because if other things though really self care Is more important then. @Blurpblorp tell me more about your homework it sounds fascinating. Going to concentrate on getting my steps in and eating sensibly today

Following

I have got through the first week of separation - my thread Husband cheating again, and the replies and the relationships part of mumsnet have helped so much.

I am painting in the house. Bought some things from Lush, waxed my moustache (for me!) Getting out for walks / fresh air with the kids everyday, buying nice food, been to docs for tests (see thread) next step is sti clinic . Basically going to get my gynae health checked, work on planning a new future and lose some weight.

Oh and I also will be buying myself flowers.

Love this thread. X

@Bralessandfree - I absolutely love your name :)

Evening all! Hope you're all well. We're a quiet bunch this last week - I hope you've all been at least thinking about self-care / self-love / your own personal growth, even if you haven't been able to put it into practice.

Hi @Sadsammy , and @Bralessandfree sorry to hear about your separation. The first week oof... how are you feeling? You sound like you're in a great place or at least putting your energy into positive things. Well done. I think when I first separated after catching my exH cheating (for the second time ), even though I felt dead inside for a good few months, I did also feel set free. A weird mix. And I've never looked back! I sympathise about the STI clinic... A shitty piece of admin that falls to you to do but hopefully that's all it'll be and you can move forward with your life.

I've cooked from scratch for every meal over the past week (apart from reheating leftovers) and what with taking my vitamins regularly, I feel quite good. I've put weight on over the last few lockdown months but I'm trying my hardest not to obsess about this and have kind thoughts about myself in my head. Hope you're doing the same if you're in a similar position.

Sending love and positive vibes.... are you ready? Here they come WHOOOOSH [GRIN]

Good evening all. I have been quiet for a while. I've been a bit all over the shot emotionally. I came home from work early on Monday because I was a mess but nothing had happened to trigger it.
I've started a journal kind of thing. It opens with what my friends and family think of me. I then write down daily things that happen to make me smile or sayings I come across. I just need to believe what my family/friends say.
Im still sticking with my exercise and randomly love the muscles I can see in my calf when I stand on my tiptoes! And still doing my facial things. Needed to buy dresses in a smaller size instead of covering up in some a couple of sizes to big. And if felt nice when I tried one on and actually looked in the mirror and felt nice. I've also mastered eye liner!! Ordered some amazing rainbow converse which im just waiting on being delivered.

Hello all :)
I am still working, full time, so I’m a bit shattered at the mo, go some annual leave coming up though:)
I’ve been trying to exercise every day and watch what I’m eating. My body craves salads, but also a lot of carbs, I cycle and run lots. So it’s been a bit of an adjustment period (I ovedid it with carbs 😂😂😂).
I’m at work today, but hope you all have a restful day :)

Good morning all

Hi @chikynoonoo you sound like you're doing brilliantly with self-care. No-one ever said it would be easy or an instant cure for feeling bad, but by the sound of it, you're forming some amazing habits. Keep going xx I shall try to channel you today!

Hi @BuddhaAtSea sounds like a very busy spell but good that you've got a break coming up. Go with what your body is telling you, I say, and be grateful to it for that! You must be burning one heck of a load of calories! Take good care.

And the same to all of you! I have a busy day of working and volunteering today but I've had a restful morning and done some more homework so I've made a strong start. For my jobs today I'm starting with wearing heels, then moving onto wellies which is making me giggle

Hello everyone
I found this thread and wondered if it's okay to join.
I am married with 4Dc, and busyness has been an issue but also emotional eating and people pleasing (i am just about to look up that book that someone recommends in this)
Have a family bday next week so may try the sugar and alcohol detox after that though I eat my worries I don't drink them

Hi everyone :) ive been reading and catching up, just have had a few chill days so didnt add in my 2 cents, but it sounds like youre all doing so well!

My self-care stuff is all Miscarriage related, i got some books on the science behind MC and another on what exactly to eat when youre pregnant, its been nice to settle down with a non-fiction book and just learn.

Also ive found my cravings for junk have gone down considerably since MC, guilt maybe? When i lost a lot of blood sodium would make me feel like i was having a heart attack, so a nice side effect has been my craving for salty foods has gone waaaaay down, not that it wouldnt prob go up again!

Ive been gaining strength and think i might even try working out again in the evenings - are there any evening exercisers here? Mornings are no good!

Good (early) evening everyone

Am checking in to see how you all are. How have your weeks been? What news?

@GingerCalico nice to hear you had some chill out days. How has your week been so far? I'm a morning and evening exerciser - by that I mean I can do either. Rarely both what's your exercise?

Thought for the day: have any of you ever done that thing where you stare at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful / worthy of love? I did it last night and it was very uncomfortable. Apparently it's a good self-love technique but does it get any easier? Does it work?

10 days living on my own (with DC :) ) ! So far - so good!

I am finding that I can dress however I want. I always could, but with my exH and his job and all that came with it - I felt restricted.
Now I have been buying most fabulous, wacky and cool things to wear. I hope I am not trying too hard to reinvent myself - but then - this might be a good time to find out more about who I am. Or maybe - it's just some post-divorce trauma? :)

@Blurpblorp - I tried telling myself that I'm beautiful but couldn't do it with a straight face without laughing. Maybe I should just leave it for now...

Happy Friday everyone

@KirstyHasLeft it's great to hear from you and well done for achieving 10 days! I think you should go with how you feel right now... divorce is such a massive upheaval and your mind and body will naturally focus on what they need. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself. And absolutely, it's a wonderful time to find out who you are!!! Agree that the mirror thing isn't easy...we should all do what's right for us!

I can't wait for it to be 5pm - have had enough of work this week and looking forward to packing away my work things from my dining room table and switching off for a few days. My eldest finishes primary school next week and it's already a surprisingly emotional end of an era. I know I need to take care of myself well and now's the perfect time to practice what I've been preaching!

@Blurpblorp - my eldest is finishing primary too! It is very emotional, I agree. And poor child - parents divorce, new home and new school - all within a couple of months.. I do feel guilty but - what can I do?