Anyone want to start a self-care / self-love / personal development thread?

[Blurpblorp]

I'm not 100% sure how to describe what I mean. I'm a proud mum, divorced, and newly-single and keen to stay that way and figure out who am I after my heart's taken a good bruising these last few years.

Is anyone interested in a thread concerned with self-care / personal development? The things I'm thinking are:

learning to value myself
accept my body for how it is
eat food for nourishment and pleassure, not mindless chomping
commit to moving my body for fun, not brainless calorie burning
work out what I really want out of life
challenge my white privilege
activism for causes that matter to me like climate change and racism
try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
learn how to set and maintain barriers
understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from
change things I don't like about my personality and if I can't change them, accept them.
get a proper skincare regime
consider my spirituality
save money
finish up the DIY projects at home and get my house as I want it

So many things. Would anyone like to join? If so, what are your circumstances and what's on your list?

Thanks for the thread. I'm jumping on board and need to work on these areas:

1. try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
2. learn how to set and maintain barriers
3. understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from

I need to look at that young child in the photos and realise that she is worth more, and that my age right now is of no consequence, it's never too old to start learning to love yourself.

This applies to me too and it has only just dawned on me (mid forties). I am due to see a psychotherapist in the near future because of my relationship with my parents and my chronically low self esteem/anxiety. I have been a sahm for years now and my confidence has gone through the floor. I'm currently working on a couple of items on your list Blurp, starting with learning to value myself, it all feels very odd, learning to say kind things to myself. It's strange how it's only been since lockdown happened that I have woken up to myself.

Happy Saturday everyone!

@KirstyHasLeft you have to focus on the long term picture. Short term might be difficult but don't feel guilty for doing the right thing. You'll model a strong positive way to live your life which is the main thing.

Welcome @anotherglass and @Daphnesmate01 so happy to have you here and I hope our lovely group help you bring more self-care and self-love into your lives. It's funny isn't it how you can look at a picture of yourself as a child and feel so differently to you as an adult. I always wonder what happens in the intervening time to disrupt this self-love...

Although having said that - this course I'm doing right now, I'm in week 2 of 12 and I learned this week that you don't necessarily need to understand wny you feel a certain way. You just need to focus on the feelings you have and try to release them from your energy. Interesting.

In one of my jobs, I help older ladies try on posh outfits. It saddens me that these beautiful women arrive in the showroom - powerful matriarchs that are mother of the bride or groom - with so much life experience, strength and wisdom - and they are so down on themselves and their bodies. And yet put them in the right dress and their faces and demanors change drastically. I really want to 'get' the fact that I'm worth so much more than how I look. I'm still trying to look at myself in the mirror and say 'I love you'. Still feel like a nob but I appreciate the gesture I'm making!

Much love to you all and I hope ou can cut yourselves some slack today and kick back. It's the weekend after all x

Late to the party but would like to join. Some amazing ideas here,good for me because I have neglected myself totally, 50 now, single and more of a self loathe than a lover...

@NativeAustralian have you read www.goodreads.com/book/show/10127008-self-compassion ?

So I’ve got a few days off to myself :)
Today I went for an early morning run, a long walk with the dog and I did my pedicure. And I had an afternoon nap.
@Blurpblorp funny you should mention a photo of us as children, it was one of the exercises I had to do in a book. So off I went and looked for one, which I framed and now lives by my bed. And every time I’m giving myself a hard time, I look at it and remember I’m not that little girl, I’m the grown up, I can do grown up things. It’s been quite cathartic having the photo by my bed. It healed a lot of wounds, you look at that innocent 2 years old and go: how, just how could they do that?

Reason 18247748595 to have a dog: I was able to check on one of my friends under the ‘shall we walk the dogs?’ excuse. She’s been very much in hiding from everything and everyone, we walked the dogs, we chatted a bit, but mainly we just walked and watched the dogs being complete idiots.
Tomorrow I’m going to the beach for breakfast, me and the dog.
Sleep tight everyone.

Welcome @NativeAustralian do you want to say any more about how you've ended up where you are? Or the things you'd like to work on? Either way you're very welcome xx

@BuddhaAtSea that's so lovely that you've framed a photo of yourself I'm sorry you have past trauma to heal but hopefully this will continue to help. You can see how far you've come and how you're a different person in many ways. Dog life at the beach sounds absolutely blissful and therpeutic in itself. Drink it in...

Night all - peaceful dreams to you all xx

Thank you for the welcome. Had an awful few years with bereavements and trying to manage single parenthood.Recently got myself into a relationship with someone who promised the earth but turned out to be abusive and has absolutely destroyed my confidence and any mental wellbeing I had. I Really do need to turn my life around.

I'd like to come to a position of acceptance rather than trying to figure things out for hours.
I'd like to think I'm actually worth something ( as I have no-one to tell me that anymore). Ex partner delights in tormenting me about how happy he is now and how his emotional abuse was my fault as I drove him to it.
It all feels like a mess.

Sorry dont know how to quote but @BuddhaAtSea no I havent read it,will do though

HI everyone and welcome @NativeAustralian nice to have you here, although sorry to hear about your recent circumstances. And CONGRATULATIONS on getting rid of two unhealthy relationships. I mean that sincerely although imagine you don't feel like celebrating this, but you really have space to be you now. Seize it and check in here... hopefully between us all on this thread we can keep eachother to account.

How is everyone else? What news in your worlds?

It's my daughter's birthday today and she woke me up at 2:30am as she was in my room excited I couldn't get back to sleep then thought I'd read a new book I bought 'Women Don't Owe You Pretty' by Florence Given. That didn't work as it was so good I found myself sitting bolt upright in bed devouring the pages. A Nothing Much happens story finally sent me to sleep at 4am. Then DD woke me up at 5:30am we're having sushi later and I'll have a glass of wine to celebrate my magical DD and my anniversary of becoming a mum

I'd like to join this thread if I'm not too late.

I don't know where to start. And I have a habit of being very negative and turning my nose up at anything positive so I'll try not to bring the mood down. I haven't always been like it but I'm currently stuck firmly in the mindset that life is just shit and if it was meant to be any better then it would be.

I need to lose weight, desperately. I am repulsive and the last few stone have gone on my face. I can feel it all day and it irritates me and I'm scared and don't know what to do. I just don't like healthy food and hate exercise. I tried couch to 5k, I completed it last year but gave up this year. I also don't really cook for myself. I am 24 and live alone but my parents are 5 mins away so I usually go there everyday and eat with them. I feel so pathetic. I definitely rely on my mum too much.

I hate my job and I hate WFH. I spend the whole day scrolling through mumsnet moping about and only doing bare minimum.

Anyway I suppose the things I'd like to somehow eventually do are:

Lose weight
Get into yoga
Start running again
10000 steps a day (currently about 1000 a day due to WFH)
Develop a better relationship with food
Don't rely on parents so much
Practice mindfulness every day

I have no idea where to start. You all sound so strong and there's some great ideas here. I'm quite interested in the 30 day sugar detox that's been mentioned. I'm not sure I have the will power for it though.

Thanks all

Hello, lovelies!
Well, my life has been colourful again - I was told yesterday that I am going to be made redundant next month. So homeless and unemployed..
Honestly, I was gutted yesterday. And- I was told the news 20 minutes before picking my son from his last day in primary school. I was really trying not to cry there.
Anyway, somehow I decided that this warrants me having a drink - so I bought a bottle of wine. I am more gutted about that than the redundancy. Not the end of the world, I know.. but I did so well not drinking for 45 days!
The good thing about this story is that I was met with incredible kindness from people I really did not expect it from. And it helped me to see the light :)
So now I am job hunting in this exciting Covid-19 unemployment era.
I am considering starting my own business but need to grow bigger balls for that. In the meantime - wish me luck :)

Good luck @KirstyHasLeft, you’ve been through so much

I’m having coffee outside, lots of dog walkers, it’s sunny where I am and I plan a big cycle ride to the beach. I’ve had some time off, and it’s been really good for me, I exercised lots but also slept and chilled. I even managed to have lunch in a cafe garden, which is something I haven’t done since last year!

I’m back to work, 4 weeks, then I have another few days off.
There is a page on FB, say yes more, that’s really good for inspiration:)

Hi. Hope I'm not too late to join.

I'm at risk of redundancy at work and feel exhausted by it all. I'm going to have a relaxing day today.

Hopefully it will be sunny tomorrow and the sunshine will perk me up.

Hi

Welcome @CatRamsey and @bekindtoyou [flowers[ happy you've come to join us. Cut yourselves both a bit of slack and just think of one thing you can do tomorrow. Just one thing - you don't need to worry about doing anything more than just that one thing. One step in the right direction.

@KirstyHasLeft so sorry to hear about your job. What a time for that to happen. I've heard of a fair few people starting new jobs recently... how can we help you take a step closer to opening your own business?

@BuddhaAtSea you self-care sounds amazing. So glad you did that for yourself.

I'm bloody knackered... my self-care has gone completely out of the window for the last few weeks with various things going on. Today I've been beseiged by hormones and been feeling overwhelmed, anxious and irritable. This is progress though... I never considered the way my period cycle affected my mood. So instead of wondering what's up with me, I knew I had to have a quiet day. I've washed and moisturised my faced tonight at least instead of just crashing into bed.

Night all, peaceful dreams xx

I've had two strangely good days!
I decided I would also try the 30 day sugar detox - thanks thesnail for the idea! I'm focusing on avoiding the chocolate, cakes, biscuits and sweets, as well as fizzy drinks, sweetened coffee and sauces like ketchup and mayonnaise. Because I know I'm not having it, I don't really miss it! But I know it will get harder so keeping my head on. I wrote on my white board in coloured pens what I must avoid and what I can eat, that was fun to make and is a handy visual to remind me .
I've also managed 10k steps both days, I started couch to 5k again yesterday but I really pushed myself and it felt good! My muscles are aching today though! I had a soak in my parents jacuzzi to relax them a bit!

Today I got my results from my college and I passed my first year with high marks so that made me happy, I'm just hoping that I will be able to go back to class in September instead of doing it all online. And not just because I'm particularly fond of one of my classmates

I'm always a little bit anxious and cautious when I have good days because I expect it all to go wrong again.

Hope everyone else is well xx

Morning all

@CatRamsey that's fantastic! Congratulations on your year one results. You're on a roll. I think the key thing here is to know that your self-care won't always be this bang on AND THAT'S OKAY. You just have to remember to return to it. I did a no sugar 8 week plan once and it got easier as it went on as I didn't crave it at all. I remember eating an apple after I stopped and having to spit it out as it was far too sweet. And the chocolate counter in the corner shop never drew my attention anymore.

I fell right off the self-care wagon these last few days! I'm going to dedicate more time to it (started yesterday) but I'm going to do a 10 day digital detox. Hope you can all keep this thread going and support eachother in the meantime. Much love to you all xxx

Could i join please?

Though i have sneakily actually already have as @SenselessUbiquity mentioned going for a jog right NOW up the thread.

I sat up, realised I WFH and can manage my own time and there is nothing stopping me RIGHT NOW from making a positive start. Threw on some trainers and did my first ever run (well, i say run it was the couch to 5K) next run is due today. It might be a little more restrained as i did tear my heels to shreds by wearing my new trainers - rookie mistake lol

I need to get a handle on self care due to my circumstances I've lead a very frugal lifestyle so I've been last in the queue to have money or time. That needs to change. One issue that was holding me back was hair loss and now i've made the leap to trying wigs i no longer have that excuse.

My eldest are off to uni shortly so I have realised now is the perfect time to rediscover me.

Oh and i have ordered stitch fix and birchbox to get a slow start on maybe experimenting with beauty products and clothes.

My wardrobe is very much Steve Jobs esque in that i have multiple variations of the exact same things. Great for being swift and utilitarian but somewhere i lost that clothes can be flattering, fun and colourful.

@CatRamsey and @Theladyofshalot - well done to both of you!

I haven't slept very well due to worrying but I have ordered a takeaway for a treat. I'll have an early night and will feel more positive after a walk in the sunshine tomorrow.

Hello all. Long time no see, sorry about that!
I’m having coffee in bed, it’s a sunny day and today is rest day for me. Well, apart from cycling to the beach with a book and a sandwich!
Hope you’re all well.

Hello! How is everyone?

I just wanted to share that I have started something that I would have never ever consider before - I am growing out my grey hair! I started going grey when I was 16 and have been colouring it since my early twenties. I am now quite very grey and I have had enough of dyeing my hair every few weeks. I want freedom. And I want to try and embrace myself for who I am.
I have found an amazing online community of women who are embracing their natural look and look so beautiful and I am so inspired!

Hello everyone... I disappeared but have come back. How are you all? tell me! Kirstyhasleft I'm doing the same thing with my hair! how are you getting on? I am really loving mine though it's at an unbelievably crap stage growing out the brown!

My personal development course was fantastic and I've got a clearer vision of what I want out of life than ever before. Feeling KAPOW as Batman would say...

Hello, just came across this thread and it spoke to me.

I have so much lack of self esteem that I can't be bothered doing any sort of self care. I'm eating carbs, house is messy and DD is watching to much tv.

My goals until xmas are:

• to eat 5 fruit and veg a day plus oily fish etc regularly
• to cook dinner from scratch every night
• to make home made soup
• to cut down on sugar
• to learn something new
• to have a digital detox and read one evening/day
• to practice some yoga every day
• play board games with DD
• sort out finances and start a proper budget

I also did an online free wellbeing class recently and would like to do more if I can.

Good luck everyone

Hi everyone, can I join please, more later!!