Anyone want to start a self-care / self-love / personal development thread?

[Blurpblorp]

I'm not 100% sure how to describe what I mean. I'm a proud mum, divorced, and newly-single and keen to stay that way and figure out who am I after my heart's taken a good bruising these last few years.

Is anyone interested in a thread concerned with self-care / personal development? The things I'm thinking are:

learning to value myself
accept my body for how it is
eat food for nourishment and pleassure, not mindless chomping
commit to moving my body for fun, not brainless calorie burning
work out what I really want out of life
challenge my white privilege
activism for causes that matter to me like climate change and racism
try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
learn how to set and maintain barriers
understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from
change things I don't like about my personality and if I can't change them, accept them.
get a proper skincare regime
consider my spirituality
save money
finish up the DIY projects at home and get my house as I want it

So many things. Would anyone like to join? If so, what are your circumstances and what's on your list?

Oh Kirsty know how. You feel!
I cry a lot. Get so worked up in a wierd bubble of unhealthy thinking and low self esteem so really need to concentrate on self care...
But enough about me! Was told by a nurse to let yourself cry whenever you feel like it - then it goes away surprisingly quickly

I am absolutely in!

I started self love a while back and it works, new ideas are great to read, thanks for this thread op.

I know I am actively into self care when:

I don't rush my morning shower but take time to enjoy the water falling, check my body, smooth the soap over and do my morning stretches

I take time to put on scented body cream so that my skin isn't dry all day

Use my little fingers to use face cream so becomes a facial massage and is enjoyable each day, and makes me feel cared for.

I make time for gentle exercise, and not a punishing programme that I hate and despise. Why SHOULD I do anything I hate and despise, when I can enjoy that time instead.

Walk my dogs because the outdoors makes me centred and happy

I buy myself flowers - because I work hard and deserve them. I often spend a lot of money on country flowers that make me happy and fill my kitchen with colour, scent and loveliness

I lit a candle or a fire in the evening just for me

I love my ageing body that little bit more, it has done so much over a life time for me and has got me this far.
I look at my arms that have held my babies. My tummy that produced those amazing beings. My legs that have childhood scars from being so active whilst small and give my body all the love and attention I can, including good wholesome energy giving food. Warm baths regularly with salts to ease muscles. I look after my tired feet.

I choose only people that make me feel stronger and happier.
If repeatedly someone brings me down/makes me feel insecure/undermines my general happiness then I let them go. It is impossible to be truly happy unless you are surrounded by people that respect and care for you. I have learnt to have boundaries and red lines.

I recognise my generous nature, and ensure the people around me are deserving of it.

All life is precious, including me. Especially mine.

I have further to go, but that has been my journey so far.

**light

@Blurpblorp thank you lovely thats very kind of you :) that poem you posted was very sweet, felt like I was listening to a wise old nana

How have you yourself been getting- on self-care wise?

@KirstyHasLeft careful with letting yourself feel a fuller range of emotions! I did that in my mid-20's when i realised i was becoming a bit hard nosed and now I cry at anything!

I highly recommend Queer Eye on Netflix for 'hug-telly' honestly they're all so fun and ridiculous and sweet and the stories from the people they help are all so worthy

Evening all :)
Just done a yoga with Adrienne:)
I’ve spent the evening outside, we ate, watched the sunset and talked, it’s so warm and peaceful out there!

Welcome newbies! @pigeon999 you nailed it, that’s what it’s all about!

Can I recommend a book I just finished?
‘Girl, woman, other’. It’s a bit like catching up with old friends and finding out what’s been going on in their lives. I enjoyed it enormously!
Time for bed for me, enjoy the sun tomorrow!

pigeon thanks for this list I struggle a LOT with self care, and will wear myself down without realising. Am printing this out to remind me what to do x

Good evening marvellous beings

First off welcome to new posters. You're very welcome here; we've managed to attract a lovely bunch and between us create great, positive energy.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils sorry to hear of your past trauma. It sounds as if you've had an realisation of sorts so you've given yourself an opportunity to change for the better. How is your self-care generally? Do you have any idea what you'd like to work on? Hope the sea helped.

@BingIsAMassiveTwat I'm so sorry to hear what's happened in your relationship. It must be very difficult times for you at the moment. You sound like you're putting your energy into yourself which is a good thing; everything starts with you. Do go easy on yourself and take time to figure out what you want xx

@pigeon999 thanks for joining and brining all these great ideas! It really comes across that you've been nurturing positive self-esteem. I so want to get there. It really resonates with me what you said about appreciating your body. I don't do any punishing exercise anymore - it has to be fun. I'm dreaming of when swimming pools open again and most of all, when I can get out to go wild swimming again.

@BuddhaAtSea thanks for the book rec! that's on my list to read... god bless Audible!!!

@KirstyHasLeft how are you? You've been on my mind this week.

I feel like I'm winning at life as I started my day with a lovely yoga session. I also did my big shop today and my house is filled with healthy foods, vegetables and fruit. I also drank a respectable amount of water today and only have to work a half day tomorrow morning. I wanted to recommend this to anyone who might have trouble sleeping www.nothingmuchhappens.com/stories I got the recommendation from Mumsnet in the first place so this might not be news to you but it was to me! And they've really helped me to get to sleep; I've zonked out all night for the past few nights.

I recommend Women Don't Owe You Pretty by Florence Given everyone must read this book xx

Hi :) I am better -I am not crying anymore and slowly getting on with packing.
You, wonderful lot, are my only support at the moment and I am so grateful for meeting you all here.

Anyway - I was listening to the nothingmuchhappens that @Blurpblorp recommended and it is so lovely. I was listening to the Innkeeper and it is so peaceful and wholesome - I caught myself thinking that I want my life to be like this story. And it reminded me my old ways of falling asleep to ASMR videos on Youtube. Some of them are real works of art in a way. Especially I loved watching Goodnight Moon channel - the lady there is just like the nothingmuchhappens - so peaceful and so full of joy.

@KirstyHasLeft i think i missed that recommendation, is it a podcast? I love audio relaxing techniques so will look up 'nothingmuchhappens' and see what pops up

There are some korean and japanese baking channels on youtube where there is no talking, just little quiet peaceful sounds of someone carefully making a cake or something and its bliss to listen to

I also heard its supposed to thunderstorm tonight which I'm looking forward to as i personally find them very relaxing!

@GingerCalico - there is a link at the bottom of Blurpblorp's previous post. :)

Blurpblorp just found this thread. Thank you!

I've just started on this path recently. I think it's cos of having some time to focus on me during lockdown.

I've been working on getting me feet moisturised and beautiful
I've tidied up all the cupboards and drawers in my utility so it looks beautiful and you can find things
I've started decluttering my bedroom so it's a calming space
I've started a couple of courses to help me professionally
I'm doing daily exercise that's only ten-fifteen minutes, so not pushing myself too hard but so easy to fit into the day, on top of long walks three times a week
I'm seeing a cranial osteopath to help me with chronic exhaustion. It's helped me sleep better and I've started to up my energy levels.

It's really a project about me, and I think that's the main benefit. Psychologically to think my main project is supporting and helping me rather than other people, which is the usual case. Although I do feel guilty writing that, so I'm not cured yet .

Hi everyone from a very sweaty me. So hot and sticky here... I've had a nice afternoon with my DDs in the park with some of our friends. My eldest was hormonal and cranky (read bloody rude to me) and I got home feeling so unappreciated and drained by the whole experience. I took myself off for a nap though and after dinner feel restored, though still lethargic. Guess it's the heat? Anyhoo... I'm finding it easier to say no and make time for me. Hopefully it's slowly becoming a habit.

Welcome @Pinklynx and thanks for all those excellent self-care tips! A good thing to come out of lockdown for you. Can I ask about the cranial osteopath? What is it and what are the sessions like? Sounds interesting.

@KirstyHasLeft so glad the podcast worked for you! I rarely get to the second read through. Hope your packing is going steadily and today has been a good day. There's a Nothing Much Happens story for a bad day and it's short but sooooo soothing www.nothingmuchhappens.com/stories/2018/5/18/episode-fourish-some-days-a-bonus-episode

@GingerCalico did you have a thunderstorm? I wish we'd have one here - aside from the fact that they're awesome. Ah I watched some video like those you mention from Asia. Some bakery where they make these enormous wibbly sponge cakes that they cut up so expertly and efficiently. So satisfying and watchable

Blurpblop, thanks for the encouragement. It's usually me encouraging myself so it's lovely to get some outside support!

The cranial osteopath works on a very subtle level, just moving things very gently to shift things back into balance. I'd only use someone who was recommended but she helped a friend of mine who'd had ME since her teens and she's now full of energy. I really hope it works as I've suffered from this for years on and off and it makes you sound like a bit of a drag if you drop out of things cos you feel tired. I'm really hopeful that it will make a difference. I'll keep you posted.

Keep carving out time for yourself. I certainly don't think family appreciate you going the extra mile as they take it for granted. So you might as well please yourself at least some of the time.

@Pinklynx that sounds fascinating :o i've never heard of a cranial osteopath before

@KirstyHasLeft thank you!!

@Blurpblorp not yet, i'm eagerly awaiting a stormy night!

Husband just took a pic to send to the family WhatsApp and caught me in the background by mistake and my god... i look the roughest ive ever looked in my whole life. Pale from the MC, lockdown hair, sweaty, pudgier than before from lack of exercise... i'm trying to give myself a break but Jesus its tough to practice self care when little things like this happen!

@GingerCalico - we all have pictures like that. :) I always think - gosh, is that what people see, when they look at me? Horrific :D But, obviously, everyone is used to me looking like that and no one seems to mind.

Osteopaths - I used to take my kids and it was brilliant. My eldest had a pain in his knee for years and nobody could find why. Two sessions with osteo and the pain is gone forever! My youngest was born prematurely and had some issues because of that and again - few sessions with osteo helped a lot.
I always wanted to go myself but, would you believe it - never went because you have to undress and I just couldn't.. I know they don't care what I look like but I obviously have some issues with my looks.

Morning all, 10 days now since I discovered he was cheating on me, and I think I'm doing pretty well all things considered :)
Yes it still hurts but the crying stopped, and when I get a moment of pain I just let it be. It passes. I have done lots of thinking and have realised that this is the first time in my adult life I can concentrate fully on me - since i was 18 I have been in a relationship or have been a single parent concentrating on bringing up my autistic son. He is now almost 17 and always out with mates, so for the first time I can focus on me, my life, my future, my health.

This week I have continued my sugar detox (day 27 today), still been doing my 10,000 steps every day, and spent time getting my home back to a calm, tranquil place that's mine. I treated my self to a gorgeous reed diffuser (reduced from £24.99 to £7.50), and today I hopefully will hear when my desperately needed hair appointment will be :)

@GingerCalico I've just joined the thread and I saw about the MC. I'm so sorry. There's never a right time but it's so hard now when you can't just do the normal things and get lots of hugs off everyone.

My thing like your story is when I'm going shopping and accidentally catch myself in the mirror and think that woman looks a bit grumpy and then realise it's me only ten years older than I thought I was 😱.

@KirstyHasLeft I felt like that about the osteopath but I wear my husband's v big pants which a) makes me laugh and b) covers up the worst of my wobbly bits, so worth a try. I've been to two different osteopaths and both are absolutely lovely. Doing things for myself are my go-to antidotes to my v many issues, too long to go into here.

@thesnailandthewhale it sounds like you're doing brilliantly only ten days in. I am desperate for the hairdresser too. I have a brilliant time there as they're all comedians and my mother would say I look like a banshee if she could see me now...

Thanks Pinklynx, my hairdresser messaged me earlier and I have my appointment booked - it's not until July 23rd but that's fine, I'll be on my summer holidays by then so it's perfect.

I've had my STI results texted to me today too, luckily everything was negative, it's nice to know that despite all the pain of the last week or two at least that isn't something I need to worry about :)

Happy Sunday everyone

How are you all? Does anyone else really want to see a cranial osteopath now?! One thing I'll say about being single and in lockdown, I'm longing to be touched. Not in a sexual way - just could kill for a massage!

@thesnailandthewhale ugh you have my sympathies. I remember sitting in the sexual health clinic awaiting my test feeling miserable. Glad it was all clear. You sound like you're doing great. And you'll have your hair all swishy again in no time. How are you feeling today?

@KirstyHasLeft how are you? And the packing?

@GingerCalico we definitely do all have photos like that. That is one thing I'm working on; the harsh voice in my head. It's difficult but I'm trying to look at 'bad' photos, in the mirror at my least-preferred parts of my body and say positive, kind things to myself. Give it a try?

@Pinklynx how has your self-care been going? Hope you're appreciating yourself even if no-one else is.

I have barely stopped this weekend but it's been enjoyable, small things; cooking, pottering, looking after my DDs and we spent all morning on an allotment. Am zombiefied!

I've just discovered this new radio station www.serenityradio.co.uk/ and have been listening to some lovely shows about spirituality, energy and self-improvement. Right up this thread's alley!

I am starting a 12-week course tomorrow which I'm really excited about. It's a self-development course, quite spiritual, empowering, all about energy and self-love. It's costing quite a bit but it's symbolic that I'm investing in myself. I had the thought; "If I had to find money for a new boiler I would. So why not for me?". Will report back.

Love to you all. Wishing you a happy, relaxing sunday evening

Hi Blurpblorp, I'm good today thanks, have been for a nice walk down the beach with a friend and the dog, blew the cobwebs away and got most of todays steps in already :)

I am struggling with not texting him though, I'm so used to messaging him throughout the day and it feels strange not to hear from him. I need to keep myself busy to avoid the temptation of doing so.

@thesnailandthewhale I remember that feeling. That, as well as anything that I read, saw, or would happen, that I'd want to tell my exH about. No magic formula other than just keep going. It will pass. Beach walk sounds blissful!

@thesnailandthewhale from past relationships i've it helpful to change their name in your phone to "Dont" or something!

Just a small psychological hint from yourself to not text them :)

@thesnailandthewhale Block on everything if possible, including phone. It makes it much less easy to contact them.

Hi troops, as I've mentioned elsewhere, I'm reading The Disease To Please. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0071385649?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 Before that I read Stop Signs. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1580053874?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 I'm really pleased that I've finally got down to some reading.