Anyone want to start a self-care / self-love / personal development thread?

[Blurpblorp]

I'm not 100% sure how to describe what I mean. I'm a proud mum, divorced, and newly-single and keen to stay that way and figure out who am I after my heart's taken a good bruising these last few years.

Is anyone interested in a thread concerned with self-care / personal development? The things I'm thinking are:

learning to value myself
accept my body for how it is
eat food for nourishment and pleassure, not mindless chomping
commit to moving my body for fun, not brainless calorie burning
work out what I really want out of life
challenge my white privilege
activism for causes that matter to me like climate change and racism
try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
learn how to set and maintain barriers
understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from
change things I don't like about my personality and if I can't change them, accept them.
get a proper skincare regime
consider my spirituality
save money
finish up the DIY projects at home and get my house as I want it

So many things. Would anyone like to join? If so, what are your circumstances and what's on your list?

@Blurpblorp - where I am originally from - Summer Solstice is equal, if not bigger celebration, to Christmas. We have so many amazing traditions that are still observed, we get a bank holiday and everyone goes to the countryside to have the biggest party of the year. There is jumping over bonfires, food, beer, songs, flower crowns and staying up all night until the sunrise.

I don't get to celebrate it properly in UK but this year I am going to introduce bits of it to my kids. We are going to make the special cheese today, that is traditionally made for the party. It's a bit like Cheddar but different. I have never attempted it before but how hard can it be, right? :)

Have a lovely day, everyone! :)

@Kirstyhasleft where is this heavenly place?! Gosh, can only imagine what it's like to have all those wonderful memories of celebrations from your childhood. So lovely and gives me ideas of how to celebrate it with my DDs. Fabulous

Hello, how is everyone.
Yesterday was all downhill for me but I am back up. I was very tired and just couldn't be bothered.
It seems to me that if I don;t bother with my appearance etc it gives me permission to eat crap food and make a pig of myself. I went to bed with no face cream on and feeling like a sloth.
Today I am trying to get myself together with a face pack and real food.

@buggeroffvirus I think there must be something in the air.
I felt good yesterday. I've mastered eyeliner just to put a bit on to make me feel nice. Did the same today and looked nice in the mirror. But my head is saying otherwise. Im finding its bothering me that I feel ex husband is swanning around as if nothings happened and that everythings fine when actually how he has dealt with everything isnt fine but why am I the one that hurts when actually none of this is my fault x

Another one looking to join you please :) So I kicked out my partner on Wednesday after having unequivocal evidence of his cheating sent to me. All his stuff got packed up and collected yesterday, I'm waiting to talk to him one day this week, just for some closure, but generally I'm fine.
We had been together and split about 4 years ago, then met up again about a year ago and have been together since. However, in the gap in between he met someone else, lived with her for a bit but it didn't work out so they split. Guess who he was cheating with ...
I don't feel bitter and angry, and having been cheated on many years ago I know that I will be over this quite quickly - we were a funny couple - a big age difference, very few shared interests but some magnetism kept drawing us together.
Luckily I was already working on self-care, I am on day 21 of a 30 day sugar detox and it's one of the best things I've ever done - the weight is falling off, my head is clearer, my skin is clearer, my sleep was much better until Wednesday and it has all gone a bit pear-shaped since then :(

Well Chickynoonoo
Ex Husband may be strutting around like he is the dogs bollocks but he will pay in the end. Life is not all beer and skittles so the novelty will soon wear off for him.
The main thing is that you do your best for yourself because you will want to look fantastic when he sees you moving on.

Hi everyone - hope you've had a peaceful weekend and are enjoying the longer days. Sunny weather coming next week!

@thesnailandthewhale you're very welcome, nice to have you here sorry to hear of your cheating ex. Think of it as a blessing in disguise. Being cheated on is a special kind of heartbreak and you need time to heal and restore. Your no sugar diet sounds amazing. I did that once and I can't tell you how incredible I felt. Really must do it again; all those things you said, weight falling off, clear skin, less mood swings, better sleep, less bloating. Awesome. Is it Sarah whatshername's plan you're following?

@buggeroffvirus how has your day gone today? Totally get what you mean about letting your standards slip. Though cut yourself some slack too.

@chikynoonoo it must be enraging and you're entitled to feel that way. He is not your problem anymore and I always chuckle at the expression "not my circus, not my monkeys" He doesn't get to hold your attention anymore. His opinion is now irrelevant and you need to be firm with your boundaries - treat him professionally like you would a work colleague, but remove any sense that he deserves special attention. I know it's hard. But when I reached this point after separation, I knew I was through the worst.

And just to say, to anyone reading this: lose weight for you, and you alone. Reinforce that the reason you're doing it is to feel better about yourself / complete a couch to 5k / fit a favourite dress / more flexible / chase your kids whatever. Your worth is not defined by your weight.

I'm pooped as I stayed up late last night then got up early this morning as it was the summer solstice. I had an awful spell of negative thoughts first thing. Horrible it was - finding reasons to feel not good enough, recalling times I'd wished the ground had swallowed me up, feeling angry about stuff from years ago. Why does my brain do that sometimes? Like I wanted to punish myself. HOWEVER... Big learning today is that a rainy walk, followed by a soak in a warm 'self-love' bath (essential oils, a rose quartz crystal, epsom salts and a cup of tea ) and a nap can totally banish these feelings! I only just realised this a few minutes ago but I've felt champion ever since

I've otherwise had a calm, peaceful weekend and just dealt with DD's epic tantrum well and calmly, so I'm patting myself on the back and not going to hope for anything better from today

Sweet dreams all x

Oooh, I want to join.
I got in really bad habits over lockdown. Overeating and drinking every night. When lockdown started it was the first time I would have had significant time off work to myself and I had all these plans to get stuff done round the house and do yoga everyday.
The only regular habit I have managed to keep up is getting pissed every evening infront of Netflix
I am disapointed in myself though.
But I have decided yesterday to stop with the over eating and knock it no the head with the booze.

I did see on some TV show someone said there is no such thing as will power, its all about motivation in the end.
I just wish I knew a way to be more disiplined with myself and get in to and keep up good routines.

Happy Monday all and welcome @Chiochan I think you have to first off, cut yourself some major slack about the last few months. It's been an odd time for us all and we've all dealt with it how we needed to. Can you take any learnings from it that will help you reach your goals? Your quote makes so much sense that it's about motivation rather than willpower.

What's on your self-care to do list this week everyone?

@Chiochan - I am exactly the same! :D me planning to diet and do yoga and instead getting drunk in front of Netflix every night! :D
I did quit drinking 22 days ago and I am very proud of that, as I had some issues with alcohol for many years.

@thesnailandthewhale - sugar detox!! Thank you! I forgot such thing exists. What do you cut out (apart from the obvious)? Just the sugary food/drinks or literally everything with a hint of sweetness in it?

@Blurpblorp - what's a rose quartz crystal?

Last weekend my kids and I made cheese from scratch - it turned out lovely! And meat pies filled with smoked bacon&onions. Delicious.
This week I have to finally pack/declutter and sort out my whole house as the next week we are moving into temporary accommodation. So a busy week ahead. We have so much stuff.. And charity shops are still closed. But at least my kids are at school so I will have some time to sort things out.
Oh, another thing - I met (well, haven't actually met in real life yet) someone really nice and we are chatting every day. She is lovely and keeps me distracted from my somewhat grim reality. :)

@KirstyHasLeft - I have cut out practically all sugar and sweeteners, with the exception of very low sugar bread (nimble or gluten free stuff). I am having natural sugar from fruit. I am normally a total chocoholic and I guzzle sweets constantly, but I'm not missing them, I just miss mayonnaise, worcestershire sauce and squash :) I decided to do it for 30 days as I suffer with really bad heartburn / ibs type symptoms daily ... haven't had any at all while doing this :) I will probably carry it on after the 30 days as the cravings are just about gone now.
It's really not too bad as you can still eat fat, so I can still have some cheddar, bacon, roast potatoes etc ... it's working for me :)

@KirstyHasLeft this is it

@Blurpblorp thank you! It looks beautiful. Had to google it's use :)

Eveing all

@KirstyHasLeft ah it's a significant and potentially draining week for you then. I packed up my 4 bedroom marital home mainly over the course of a week and it was bloody knackering. So self-care must be a feature this week! How can we best help? And who is this lovely lady you've met online?! Not literally but so nice you've made a connection. Weird how things happen at certain times of our lives when we need them...

@Blurpblorp - I too have a 4 bedroom house to pack. Started today with kids' playroom and got so overwhelmed so didn't even finish that room. So many toys and even more books. So many memories, and how can I decide what to keep and what to get rid of? And books? How on earth can you get rid of them?
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

She lives in another city - not too far away at all but still - I can't see anyone uprooting and moving, so I am trying not to get too excited and carried away. Also - a terrible timing for any dating as my life is a chaos at the moment. Never the less - gives me hope for the future and is a nice distraction.

Today I have cleaned my bedroom, moved a few bits around to make it 'my' room again not 'ours'. It felt very cleansing and was something I needed to do. I then met up with the ex for a closure chat and I know I looked good (don't think I've ever said that about myself ever before). He even commented that I looked good too which was nice :)
I've got an hour now til I need to collect ds so am going to go and cleanse, tone, moisturise etc and have a bit of me time :)

Had a lovely weekend. Lots of outdoor exercise including yoga. Kirsty how big and how temporary is the place you are moving to?

Is it ok if I join? i normally stay on the miscarriage threads as Ive gone through 2x MC in the last 5 months and had no idea how much they would knock my confidence.

This last one involved weeks signed off work from the hospital after I was almost anaemic. Managing my physical health from bedrest means I cant remember what it feels like to look good or be happy with my appearance.

Small steps though, yesterday I managed my first standing-up shower in a week (couldnt previously from blood loss) and gave my face such a good scrub that my partner commented how shiny i looked!

For me i'd love to get back on skincare and learn about makeup, and building up the strength to try working up to exercise thats fun like dancing. the goal is to one day look at myself and think 'oh you scrubbed up alright in the end'

Hello all!
Sorry I’ve been a bit AWOL, I’ve been outdoors most of the time, running, cycling, picnics. Back to work today, so that’s going to be a bit of a shock to the system!
Will catch up properly this evening :)

Hi! Checking in and marking thread again - I lost it

will go back and read everything.

I drank more in the past couple of days than I should / wanted to / have for a while. however. New day today

Good evening everyone

A big welcome to you @GingerCalico I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through these last 5 months what a tremendous toll it must've taken on you. Don't try to diminish your mental and physical reaction; go entirely at your own pace and know that you will come through this and thrive. A shower and a shiny face sounds lovely and a success to build on. Have you tried any Yoga with Adriene on YouTube? She has some videos that are for different emotions e.g. loneliness, anxiety, depression. I remember doing one for heartbreak in the days after I separated from my exH... it was like a warm, self-esteem-filled hug from someone who cared. Some are only 10 minutes long if you're tired; give them a go if yoga's your thing.

Hi @BuddhaAtSea and @SenselessUbiquity - hope you're both okay. High fives for checking in here despite your busy times... you're keeping your self-care on your agenda.

@KirstyHasLeft how is the packing going?

I'm so flat after a busy day that's felt overwhelming. My daughter has only just fallen asleep, unfortunately on the sofa next to me rather than in her own bed! I'd be cross but I love her so much and she looks so blissful

I wanted to share something that a poster on another thread shared recently. Incredible words to live by from 1927. Like honey for the soul www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html

Can I join please. Lockdown has shown me how much a previous trauma is still affecting me and worse is starting to bleed into my interactions with my kids. I need to find a way past it and start liking myself.

I went for a walk by the sea today. Forgotten how relaxing I found watching the waves.

@Blurpblorp - thank you for the link. Simple truths that we often forget.

Packing not going very well so far - I keep breaking down and crying every so often - at this rate I will move out with nothing. I am still packing the playroom. Maybe I should try a different room tomorrow.

On a slightly positive - I wore a dress and high heels this morning - first time in ages. Just for a school run but it made me feel so much better about myself. And I had a chat with my ex-crush in the afternoon - and, whilst it is still emotional, I am actually ok. I am so proud that I almost almost got over this crazy feeling.
And - 24 days with no drink! Not even a traditional beer for Summer solstice!
So not all is lost :)

Oh, and I just finished watching After Life on Netflix.
I never watch sad movies because I never allowed myself to cry. If I did watch something emotional - I would just get hard and cynical about it. I felt like I have to be strong and laugh off this kind of nonsense.(Gosh, I have some issues, eh?). Anyway - I loved the series and I cried most of the time.The sense of loss and grief and love, and feeling lost was portrayed so so honestly. I loved it.
I think I am going to let myself have a wider range of feelings from now on.

Can I join please? Found out a few weeks ago that my DP of 12 years was having an affair. We have a baby and a toddler. I want to work things out (we are both to blame for relationship not being great) but he doesnt know what he wants. I'm trying to process everything and decide if I do really want to stay together or if we would be better off as friends. Since finding out I've thrown myself into looking after myself - after 2 babies in 2 years it's been a low priority. I've lost the last of the baby weight, bought new clothes and underwear (which makes me feel great!) and have been trying to exercise more. I want to take more time for me so I'm in a good place mentally should we call time on our marriage, and need some motivation to help me along.