Anyone want to start a self-care / self-love / personal development thread?

[Blurpblorp]

I'm not 100% sure how to describe what I mean. I'm a proud mum, divorced, and newly-single and keen to stay that way and figure out who am I after my heart's taken a good bruising these last few years.

Is anyone interested in a thread concerned with self-care / personal development? The things I'm thinking are:

learning to value myself
accept my body for how it is
eat food for nourishment and pleassure, not mindless chomping
commit to moving my body for fun, not brainless calorie burning
work out what I really want out of life
challenge my white privilege
activism for causes that matter to me like climate change and racism
try and understand why I place such emphasis on validation from men
learn how to set and maintain barriers
understand where my 'imposter syndrome' comes from
change things I don't like about my personality and if I can't change them, accept them.
get a proper skincare regime
consider my spirituality
save money
finish up the DIY projects at home and get my house as I want it

So many things. Would anyone like to join? If so, what are your circumstances and what's on your list?

Hi my name is Sophie, I'm in. More details about me later.
These feelings of 'imposter' or very low self worth can strike any one of us. Young old, man or woman, professional or factory worker. Some hide it better than others.
Over the years both DH and I have had our crises. We know about problems.
Part of my management of them is not to list them. At 2.00am I can always a find another to add!
What has worked for me has been the realisation that I cannot save the planet or stop the police in Minneapolis from acting like an army of occupation.
I can spend extra time working through a problem that a child or adult has. That has an outcome that registers.

More later

Hi everyone, im glad I stumbled across this thread.
My husband broke off our marriage a month ago with the, i love and care for you but I'm not in love with you.
I have picked myself up but feel I still wobble to much because I doubt myself. I am taking positive steps in sticking with losing weight (nearly 2 stone down) and keeping my exercise going. Started counselling sessions to work on loving myself again. I struggle that he messages me each day to ask how kids are (understandable) but how am I and what im up to. Comments about me having men over (not sure when!) and if when he picks the kids up my phone goes off questioned about who it is.

Welcome new joiners

Soruff interesting that part of your strategy is NOT to list the things playing on your mind. Maybe just focussing on the positives is a good thing?

A good thing today is that I've had two conversations about white privilege with people that normally I never would. And another thing, Is that I achieved certain DIY projects so treated myself to chocolate and ice cream (I'm battling the judgy voice of my exH though)...

Blurp, You've got that part right.
DH and I started reading some years ago about motivation in the workplace. It helped us get through massive job changes. Separate careers and jobs but Sods Law; both redundant at same time. usual, mortgage dc at school .Panic.
Can I suggest you make a list of those DIY projects and keep it on show at least to yourself, bedroom mirror.
Your discussions on white privilege: yes very good, but ensure you talk about other topics with those people.

One trick I did was write to newspapers on a topic, in the days when they had significant circulation. It makes me focus and be concise. It validated me in some way, my opinion was selected then widely read. Evening Standard, Local papers and one letter printed in The Times. That felt good, it still does. Have a go kid. just give it a go.

At the end of a really busy shitty day, the last thing you feel like is looking after yourself. I know I do.
So I put a few drops of lavender oil in the bath, soaked properly then did half and hour of stretching (Pilates and yoga combined).

If you’re anything like me, by the time you straightened the house, cooked a meal, dealt with everybody’s problems etc, you have little to no energy left for yourself.
So I made an effort.
And it paid off 😊.

Thanks for the thread, it’s fab!
Oh, and @chikynoonoo, he’s messing with your head. Choose an email address and give updates once a week. None of his beeswax what you’re up to etc.

Hello, please can I join? Single mum of 2, kids are their dads this weekend and I have been thinking this eve about how I need to be kinder to myself - this thread has come at the perfect time.

Resonate with lots of what you’re all saying - pp who mentioned being able to exercise and eat well, keep house nice for a week and then it slips - that’s me down to an T.

I'm 2 years post divorce and loving life. I'm healthier, stronger and happier than I've ever been. I rarely drink, work out most days, eat low carb 16:8 , I am surrounded by positive people, I'm honest and kind with myself and others. I've got there through yoga, meditation, philosophy, walking & the teachings of Eckart Tolle, Deepak Chopra & Pema Chodrun, among others. Spend time on that which nourishes you, not that which depletes you. Positivity attracts good things into your life.

Yes please can I join. Split from STBX who is moving out some time soon - I have my breath held in hope anyway. I am keeping myself going with gardening, mentally decluttering all his stuff from the house and reading. I do need to work on making time for self care and definitely on establishing and maintaining boundaries. In the past I have been too intent on finding and keeping a partner - and generally they have turned out to be pretty disappointing. My question going forward is whether I need one at all now - I have had my children and life, I hope, will be good going forwards. But if I do have a relationship I do need to be better at a. Finding good men b. Noticing warning signs of things I won't want to live with when the initial glow has worn off and c. Boundaries, which I think is my issue

Yes please, OP. Dumped by someone I really thought was The One last year, probably too old for another chance, self esteem completely shot and making all kinds of bad decisions as a result. I'd really like to find a way to climb out of the hole I'm in.

I would love to join please. in recent times I have let myself go a bit.
To be honest I have become lazy and I am bored with myself.
I may take up painting again which I am not very good at but I love.
I seem to have turned beige and would love to bright and cheery.
Self care is important I know but I lack inspiration sometimes.
Thank you for starting this post.

Oooh !! hello !
Can I join this thread too please
I'm not single or in a breakup situation but have been longing for support! Severe low confidence and self esteem,I'm a very spiritual person (nothing to do with religion) or anything like that and would love to chat to you all
You all sound amazing 😉

I’d like to join too, this is a great idea for a thread. I’ll post some personal development goals later.

Yes yes yes! Come on in, it's great to have you all here

Here starteth the self-love... And in that note I'm think what you said @HalfDutchGirl that you'd spent years working on yourself but never found it possible to love yourself. This resonates with me, I think I've always thought I'm less important, interesting, intelligent, worthy, whatever than everyone else. Jumping from that to love is a bit of a stretch but maybe it's more a question of valuing yourself? But when I think about myself as a child, no question I love that little girl. I want to extend the love to present day me.

For those going through a bad time post break-up, it's kind of a necessary process. You're reacting to your circumstances and no reaction is wrong, as long as you're being safe. But maybe today you can just suspend everything and have 10 minutes of whatever feels good... Meditation, walk, cake, mad dance on your kitchen, nap, cathartic sweary rant to no-one...

Good morning. So my make me smile task is trying to perfect the stair shuffle with the kids. And try to stop head butting the wall when I do attempt it!!
I feel more positive today because I dont have to see ex. It knocks me on the days he sees the kids because he comes in as if everything is normal, his actions have been fine and he doesn't hurt.
I need to look at things to help me relax in bed. I find i wake up at times, panicking.
I work in a SEN school and asked to be in 3 days each week. This started last week and I found it helps for routine but also adult conversation.

That all sounds very positive @chikynoonoo you've got building blocks to keep you positive. Have you tried the whole sleep routine of no screens for an hour before bed, warm bath, lavender pillow spray etc.?

Im not one to find a bath relaxing. Im looking at getting a wax melt for the bedroom. Just looking at things to do before bed

Morning everyone, how are you doing today? Did you do anything positive for your self-care over the weekend?

I'm finding myself missing my ex after having been very resolute about finishing with him. He upset me a great deal and I know I must maintain my boundaries. If I go back I think it would give a message of "wow if she'll accept that, what else could I get away with?" and I won't respect myself. Must be strong and focus on the long term gains of valuing myself more.

Monday... Let's do it...

Joining.😄

Hello, I had quite a stressful weekend but today is the day. I have ordered retinol serum off Amazon and will give it a go. Also during lockdown I have unearthed a lot of half used body lotions etc that I intend to use everyday. I am planning that when they are used I am going to treat myself to things that I have always wanted but felt uncomfortable spending money on myself.

I have been sober for a whole week! Whoop! And I have some wine and bubbly in the fridge - but I am not drinking! I am feeling so much better physically and mentally. I look better, my skin is better.. Long may it continue! :)

Can I join please? I’m not single either but have ups and downs.
I really forget about myself and put my needs at the bottom of the list.
I think I get overwhelmed by everything I need to do and then hide in my phone and, before I know it, the whole day is wasted.

The things I want to work on -
Healthy eating and losing weight. I’m a mindless chomper too. I eat when I don’t need to and often feel rubbish by the end of the day.
Reading books. I used to love reading books now I just read crap on my phone.
Make more effort with skin care, hair, eyebrows and clothes.
Regular exercise. I do go for regular walks and want to do some more exercise that will help tone me.
More regular cleaning. I do the minimum to keep things ticking along. I need to get a better routine going. I know that’s not technically self care but my environment does stress me out at times. It blocks me from doing things like reading because how can I read if I’ve got a bathroom to clean or the living room is a mess?

I’m pleased that I’ve had a healthy breakfast which was porridge with berries and a few almonds.
I started reading The Stand over the weekend and I want to make sure I keep a good pace with it. I’m aiming to read at least half an hour every day.
I’m going to go off now and do some cleaning and exercise.

Nice to meet you all. I really need to work on healthy eating too! All I can think about these days is food!

I have had a good day at work. I find its at home though i start thinking and beating myself up, trying to understand why he didn't even want to try at the marriage.

Hi to all new joiners! great to have you here.

I should say this definitely isn't a singles-only group. I know that when I'm in a relationship, my boundaries and remembering to make myself happy goes completely out of the window. Probably that was when I needed to do stuff like this the most, so come one come all. Glad to have you!

Coralreefer - I hear you on the cleaning! I feel great when my house is within an acceptable amount of mess/dirt. Anything outside of that and my mind messes up too.

Hello everyone I'd love to join this thread.

My ex left for good last week after 4 years together – he'd already broken up with me 3 times this year but this was the first time I didn't beg him to change his mind. He sent me a text yesterday saying he had his reasons but 'it would be cruel to tell me all of them' and it just knocked me for six and made me realise just how much I've debased myself and punished myself for not being 'enough' for him. He was constantly telling me I needed to lose weight if I wanted him to stay. I'm just not having it anymore!

Had therapy this morning and it really helped me realise how much more self-compassion I need to have. I've constantly been trying to improve myself, but from now on I'm only doing it for me. Hope everyone has had a good day