Walking away from a narcissist- advice please

[Nursing2029]

Hi
After posting yesterday its clear I am dealing with a narcissist.
For some reason i am finding it hard to walk away - fear or change, I still have feelings and disruption to my kids are the things I think about( they are not his kids).
Any advice on how to get away from him would be good, I didn't realise until yesterday how much he has mucked about with my head x

Well just go at your own pace, in the early weeks I was just doing a lot of walking rather than full on exercise. The space of being outside is a good helper too in its own way.

Boogie bounce? Well I'm looking that up.

I am sorry , it's easy to say that it will get better and my experience with narcissists are from family, not romantically. I imagine it is a very bitter pill to swallow.

One thing I do know , when you're with them it's like swallowing poison every day. You're not swallowing the poison anymore and your mind and your body are wondering what is happening but they will soon massively appreciate the cleanliness of your life from this point onwards.

I think that's partially what's exhausting , you are detoxing narcissistic abuse from you mind, body and entire life.

Be kind to yourself .

@WaitingForTheTurn79
Boogie bounce is great, jumping on a trampoline:)
It is a bitter pill and a huge lesson learned.
Thanks, it helps to think of it that way.
I wil try, I was on my way to finishing and the videos were only found last week so that bit is still fresh.
Thanks for the comments x

@Nursing2029 I think you're not quite allowing yourself enough time - it's only been a few days! But I think you feel slightly better already? In another week it will be even better and soon it will be over.

I'm amazed by how quickly I was able to forget about the narcissist I had in my life. Even seeing him in court didn't do much and he was a total cunt for over 10 years. Obviously there are probably things I'm still processing. But nothing specific.

Why don't you look up Gary Craig eft and try it out? You could pick a few specific events (I'd start with the videos) and tap on them. It's what EMDR was based on and weird though it sounds does work. But it needs to be targeted to an incident or very specific thought. The videos would be perfect.

@Vodkacranberryplease
I think you are right.
As much as a nasty piece of work as he is/was I never expected the videos of himself that he sent to people. Kind of wishing I never found those.
I do feel better just tired x

Yes but if you hadn't found them you would have had all sorts of doubts. You'd be clinging to an illusion. This is far better, trust me!

You'll be laughing about this in a year. Please do keep them, they will be fabulous entertainment. They will make a wonderful if shocking story for the right audience (over a few drinks).

You don't think it now but you will be laughing like a drain about them with a friend one day 😂

The videos give you something concrete to bring to kind whenever you have any doubts about ending the relationship.

Start scene , protagonist is sitting in the country, staring across a beautiful pond

"I wonder if I have been to harsh...and wonder if I should have given him another chance....maybe it was true love... Maybe I'm just a fool."

Remembers videos!!! Weird strange images that cannot easily be explained. Many, many uncomfortable shots...

These no a chance in bloody hell that I made a mistake tossing that one to the curb !!!

Dances a Highland jig.

End scene.

But I am also very, very sorry that you had to find them.

@Nursing2029 Take care. It's early days, and I recall feeling weird and like shit in the early days. My anxiety went through the roof and I seriously worried I'd have a heart attack.

3 years on, DC and me are doing great. But during this time, if I ever had a wobble, I made myself recall something that happened a couple of weeks before I took the DC and left. This was something that happened in the car and could have had us all killed.

Having something to remember when you have a bad day and question yourself is a good idea. It does help, and life will get betterwhen you're clear of the headfuckery.

I hope nobody minds me writing on this thread.
I’ve spent 16 weeks trying to make sense of somebody that I believe is a narcissist and I feel broken. God knows how you have coped with years of it.
Everything was about him. He’d ask how I was and totally ignore my response and just talk about himself. He could start conversations with me but if I ever wanted to talk to him he was too busy. He’d talk consistently about how much he was suffering/hurting but if I ever tried to cheer him up or god forbid be a bit down I’d get ignored or one word replies. His pain was worse that anyone’s and everything was about control. There were some quite strange sexual fantasies going on in his head too op. He once sent me a explicit message and when I responded in kind outright rejected me. It hurt. His managers were arseholes, nothing was ever his fault. He once called me crazy because I asked him to give me a day/time for a meet up. Literally told me not to ‘let the crazy back in’. I still don’t understand what was so crazy about that.

At the beginning he was so good. He was constantly there and I wanted it to stay like that but it didn’t. I can’t even explain what changed but I felt more and more like I was walking on eggshells.
If I ever tried to bring up that I was feeling hurt he would turn it around on me and start a argument. He’d tell me I was crazy and that he couldn’t take anymore of my insanity. I’m starting to wonder if I really was crazy or maybe I was the narcissist.
I’m still incredibly hurt. I don’t understand what the fuck happened to me. I’m terrified he’s going to come back but I’m also terrified I’ll never hear from him again. He ended it so horribly. Wouldn’t even call me a person. Because I had the audacity to say that I didn’t like being sexted and then rejected when he was the one who started it. It made me feel hideous. I wish I understood.

@Nadiawithalessextingj
Hi
Of course no one minds you commenting on here :)
Please stay away from this guy.
Any form of making plans makes them feel like hiu are trying to control them or tell them what to do, you aren't but that is what they think.

This all sounds so familiar, were you only with him for 16 weeks?
When did it end?

simple answer i know a few that has used this method, stop doing everything he is staying around for, stop it all that he is needing.. cooking for him, sleeping with him, talking to him, stop the lot.. take a step back.. just take care of only you and your children, watch him slowly get fed up, get stroppy and leave.. you dont have to walk away let him. your kids deserve better and so do you.

@Yobringbackthe90s
Thanks. I need to remember what I deserve , its weird how the sense of what is normal dissapears because of these people. Xx

@MulticolourMophead
Thanks 😊
My anxiety is overpowering just now.
It is a total head fuck and my head is spinning.
Thanks for your comments xx

@WaitingForTheTurn79
Thanks that helps a lot.
Lots of images in my head unfortunately:(
But yes a turning point in how I felt .
Thanks x

@Vodkacranberryplease
I will keep them looking at those bum photos is a reminder of why it would never work.
I hope so, i think at the moment I just keep thinking of the betrayal.
Horrible man x

Try the eft! This is exactly what it is for!