Walking away from a narcissist- advice please

[Nursing2029]

Hi
After posting yesterday its clear I am dealing with a narcissist.
For some reason i am finding it hard to walk away - fear or change, I still have feelings and disruption to my kids are the things I think about( they are not his kids).
Any advice on how to get away from him would be good, I didn't realise until yesterday how much he has mucked about with my head x

When I started my business I sold something to this guy and they delivered the wrong thing. Oh my god he was a fucking nutter. He was hysterical, crazy. He was do unreasonably and crazy I told him he was nuts in the end. Anyway he wrote a whole blog post naming me! So I tried reaching out but he was too crazy.

Anyway I checked him out (not easy) and it turns out he was into this thing where there are big hairy gay guys, 'bears' I don't remember the details but they would all get together. Definitely a bit weird. But he was batshit. Makes yours look like a beacon of sanity.

But you do need to remember that he's a nasty piece of work so I would be inclined to hint very strongly that I was in possession of some very damaging material and he would be wise to keep his mouth shut because if I heard rumours about how I was crazy it would have to come out.

Never underestimate how important your reputation is. Protect it with everything you have. Do NOT let him trash you out there.

@vodkacranberryplease
Maybe its the closest thing that is a female but resembles a man?.the hair?
I still have the phone with the photos.
Anyone that knows me will know its rubbish and if its his running buddies I do not care.

I wish I could unsee and unhear the videos. Yuck.
My underwear made an appearance.

No you are splitting with him because he's a narcissistic abuser. At least I hope so.

Oh my fucking god I came that close to saying that I suggested you threw your underwear out. But didn't want to unsettle you. Shit.

@vodkacranberryplease
Yes that anda deviant.
Yeah they were unveiled in one of the videos. Might write a book about this shit . Lol

That would be funny. With a barely disguised villain.

@Vodkacranberryplease
Your find something in him comment made me think.
I wasn't glad of what I found at the time..but I am now.
Thanks for the support.

You looked, you found. There was always going to be something. There's something very strange about him. Always better to know, than to mourn the loss of something you thought you had - but didn't. He never actually existed.

I am staggered at his stupidity and do wonder whether he wanted you to find it though. It's possible. Hopefully he'll go without a murmur. If he does then he probably didn't care if you found out.

I think at least now you'll be able to draw a line under it knowing you've done the right thing. That's actually a really good result though it mustn't feel like it right now.

@vodkacranberryplease
Yeah i agree..always had a gut feeling but at the start the good outweighed that feeling.
I have had that phone for a year and never looked deeply enough. Certainly have now.
Yuck.
I think you are right, i definitely have to draw a line under it.
Its not exactly the closure I was looking for but its closure of some sort.
Even if he wasn't a narcissist and even if this was before we were together this is stuff that can't be forgotten, too seedy.
Why would want to be with a guy who shows himself off like that. Beyond weird.

@Nursing2029 I hope your Saturday is going well.. keeping any eye on this thread! 😉

The chucking him out didn't go to plan somehow @Nursing2029?

It has been a rough day but I am free xx

@TorkTorkBam

Thanks:)
The whole videos thing really has taken it out of me x

Just to say well done , I've read a bit and it's amazing you did that.

I'm watching Doctor Foster on Netflix, you've probably already seen it but if you want to see a narcissist get his comeuppance it might be worth a look.

Congratulations on the first day of the rest of your life. Even though you don't feel like it.

Wow. Amazing. Well done

@Checkingcrosses866
Thanks. I dont feel quite like that yet, the whole thing with the seedy videos has shocked me, honestly never imagined anything like that.
Thanks for your message:) x

@Vodkacranberryplease
Thanks, might still need a bit of support from you ladles. It has been a tough few weeks:) xx

How are you feeling this morning? Get enough sleep?

@TorkTorkBam
Hi
I just feel tired. I slept OK thanks,my mind is just full of the videos- the who, why and how could he when we were together. It has knocked my confidence. X

Do you have things to occupy your mind that are about you? Maybe something to do with your uni course? A bit of revision? Career planning? Stalk old friends on social media in preparation for getting back in contact? Does your course have social media groups set up yet for your cohort joining?

@TorkTorkBam
Thanks, i have been in touch with few friends trying to organise things.
And I made a new friend at the uni open day and we have been i touch.
I was planning on starting exercising and early morning walks on the days I dont have the kids.
I feel.very mixed up at the moment.
Although finding those videos was a blessing as there is no going back from that x
I never realised how out of touch I am with everything.
This guy sucked me in really well and I let him..i was really vulnerable at the beginning and he knew it.

The more you engage with your new real life the quicker you will recover. You'll be fine. You have so much going for you.

@TorkTorkBam
Thanks. New bed covers and curtains arriving tomorrow.
I will try and stay busy.
The tension has definitely gone, not only was he treating me like crap he had me constantly thinking he was just going to leave..what a way to live x

You don’t have children with him and therefore can get a clean break. I unfortunately have a child with current and it’s a nightmare!

However even I am making progress.

Take a year out. If you still feel the same go back. But I bet you won’t.