Would you be annoyed at this what partner did to son

[maria860]

We had a BBQ today stepkids came over and my partner and teenage son were having a water fight my son is 13.
We have a really big swimming pool what is fixed in the garden but the heater isn't working at the moment so it's freezing cold and it's quite deep aswell.
They were water fighting and it was getting out of hand and I tried to intervene at this point. My son is a young 13 very unconfident insecure and has anxiety he isn't a good swimmer and never goes in the pool like the other kids.
So my partner runs over grabs my son and throws my son in fully clothed. My son came up and was literally gasping for breath and had a full on panic attack and was crying and asking for his inhaler as he's got Asthma.
I got my son out the pool and he was beside himself I think it was the shock of it as the water was freezing. I shouted at my partner that he was out of order doing that to him and that I didn't agree with it.
My son was crying his eyes out and having a panic attack and I had to calm him down while my partner said well he was getting me so what did he expect wasn't even bothered I told him what a dick thing it was to do Beens as my son just threw a bit of water over him.
He didn't check he was ok or even apologise till ages after but he did say sorry in the end.
My son was crying in his room after for ages I think it hurt his pride a bit to maybe like I said he's been shy and not confident at all.
Well now we aren't speaking he said I spoke to him like shit and he didn't like it, well I didn't like the whole thing what happened full stop.
I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass but he's refusing to speak to me at the moment and is sat in another room.
What do u guys thinks ? Hope I've posted in the right area

What a horrible thing to do to your son. Not just the fear that your son must have felt but also the humiliation.

Your dp needs to make a proper apology to him.

Just go add I'm six months pregnant and stressed out so don't need this crap right now

Your partner is an idiot.

I'm glad it's not me because I'm being made out that I'm in the wrong and it was a joke

I don’t think I would be happy, my daughter is like your DS and would totally freak out if someone did that to her. Your son was really scared and he won’t forget that. Your partner was acting like a child. I would be very angry.

My stomach went just imagining this as I'm not a confident swimmer either and my worst fear is ending up in water and then panicking. I still remember sitting by the side of the pool on holiday as a child, about 22 years ago and being pushed in, the fear was unreal.
Your partner was bang out of order and it's not surprising that aside from everything else your son is mortified.

Your partner sounds like a bit of a dick getting worked up like that and doing that, sounds like he was showing off to his kids.
I don't know what you do next but yes, he massively crossed the line.
I hope your son is ok.

A joke? He sounds really nasty. Sounds more like he was trying to put your son “in his place” and show off. Huge red flag for me.

You were right. Your partner was out of order to do it.

@Lovemusic33 yes my younger son would take it on the chin he's very strong but my oldest has bad anxiety and struggles that way. It really upset me I wanted to cry and scared me a bit too because I was going calm down breath breath and he was coughing up the water it was horrible tbh.

Arsey thing to do. I would be fuming at any man who tried to exert power over my 13yr old child like that.
Totally taking things to extremes and trying to 'show him who's boss' type behaviour.

You need to carefully watch this. It's not fair on your son if he is bullied, intimidated or humiliated by your partner. You brought him into your son's life and you need to make sure he is safe and happy in the family dynamic

The clue is jokes are funny

Was this funny? No?

Its not a joke then

Honestly I scared the shit out of my son thinking it was funny he screamed yelled and cried I apologised gave him a hug and he was ok he said later it was a bit funny but at the time it really wasnt funny to him

Why on earth are you willing to forget about it? That's crazy, do you think your child will ever feel safe and secure sharing space with this man again? He deserves better.

You're not in the wrong. He's a childish muppet and needs to apologise to your son properly not "I'm sorry, but...." or "I'm sorry if you got upset". A proper "I'm sorry, I got carried away, I shouldn't have done it I was totally out of order".

I would be absolutely fuming

Yes I agree I've text my friend about it and she said well I'm sure he was just joking around I do it to my daughter all the time etc but I said yeah but he hates the water and isn't a confident swimmer so it was spiteful.
He said I'm acting like he hit him and it was a joke well it wasn't a joke non of us found it one bit funny

Sounds like your DP is, at best, totally insensitive to your son’s feelings and at worst he’s a bully. Does he know that your son isn’t confident swimming? If he does, then what he did is unforgivable. I don’t think your son was crying because his pride was hurt, he will have been be crying because he was scared and frightened and feeling very vulnerable.

I was so angry after I was crying in my room and now I'm being blamed for this like we're to sensitive. We've had the pool a couple of years and it hasn't happened before but I dunno it was cruel.

He’s a dick and you’d best keep an eye on that behaviour. Put your son before some bloke, every time.

I hate people who think things like this are funny and just a joke.
Your partner is a prat and should apologise to your ds. Your dp is not speaking to you because he doesn't like being in the wrong, he's immature. I wonder how many other 'pranks' he inflicts on people.

I think maybe as his kids were here and they haven't been since March but I dunno my heart drops every time I think about him just chucking him in the pool and seeing my son go under the water as I know he hates the water makes me sad. Someone did that to me years ago at an outdoor pool and I haven't forgot it it knocked me ill all day

You’re not being sensitive at all. He was an arsehole and he took it too far and his behaviour afterwards was shitty. He’s 100% in the wrong and he’d best be apologising to your son and making promises not to do shit like that again or he’d be out on his ear if it was me

I’m not sure why you are willing to forget it tbh.
Cold water can easily trigger an asthma attack. It wasn’t a panic attack making him ask for his inhaler it was an asthma attack.

Being as asthma still kills and asthma related deaths in the U.K. have shocking figures I’m not quite sure why you say I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry

The fact you partner knows he never goes in the pool, has anxiety and isn’t a confident swimmer -yet threw him in-is appalling in the first place.
Add the cold water asthma trigger in & the fact he is unrepentant then I think is unforgivable. Why would you stay with someone who 1) treated your child this way in the first place
2) didn’t give a shit he had put him at risk of death then sat in another room ignoring you rather than spend the whole evening begging forgiveness (it’s unforgivable btw)

Why are you prepared to forget about it?

We're having a baby together him six months pregnant.

Don't allow him to flip this around onto you and your son. You'll want to let it go and get things back to normal but you cannot let that happen until he apologises properly and really gets what hes done.