Would you be annoyed at this what partner did to son

[maria860]

We had a BBQ today stepkids came over and my partner and teenage son were having a water fight my son is 13.
We have a really big swimming pool what is fixed in the garden but the heater isn't working at the moment so it's freezing cold and it's quite deep aswell.
They were water fighting and it was getting out of hand and I tried to intervene at this point. My son is a young 13 very unconfident insecure and has anxiety he isn't a good swimmer and never goes in the pool like the other kids.
So my partner runs over grabs my son and throws my son in fully clothed. My son came up and was literally gasping for breath and had a full on panic attack and was crying and asking for his inhaler as he's got Asthma.
I got my son out the pool and he was beside himself I think it was the shock of it as the water was freezing. I shouted at my partner that he was out of order doing that to him and that I didn't agree with it.
My son was crying his eyes out and having a panic attack and I had to calm him down while my partner said well he was getting me so what did he expect wasn't even bothered I told him what a dick thing it was to do Beens as my son just threw a bit of water over him.
He didn't check he was ok or even apologise till ages after but he did say sorry in the end.
My son was crying in his room after for ages I think it hurt his pride a bit to maybe like I said he's been shy and not confident at all.
Well now we aren't speaking he said I spoke to him like shit and he didn't like it, well I didn't like the whole thing what happened full stop.
I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass but he's refusing to speak to me at the moment and is sat in another room.
What do u guys thinks ? Hope I've posted in the right area

There is no way I'd let anyone bully my child in that manner. I would have been annoyed enough by the sheer fucking stupidity of the man in doing something likr that in the first place BUT the fact your DS was so panicked and upset...causing that is unforgivable imo.

He sounds a bit performance parent-y...like he was showing off in front of his own kids, acting the big man. Prick.

I'd bounce him straight out the house tonight but you won't OP, you'll give him another chance that he doesn't deserve, and more opportunities to upset and humiliate your children.

He's a bully. And eventually he'll bully you too, because that's what bullies do.

They don't see their dad anymore his choice.

@Whatswrongwithmenow I think your right in that he did it to show off infront of his kids because it's not happened before if my son was playing and didn't mind being chucked in thats different but I think he knew how my son would react to that I think he knew deep down.

Everyone makes mistakes. BUT if it had been a genuine error, if he'd really honestly meant it as a joke he would have rushed to get your son out as soon as he saw his distress, been immediately contrite and apologetic, not tried to bluster that it was a bit of fun and brush it off or argue the toss.

I also wonder why his previous relationship ended...did his ex wife get fed up of his little jokes?

How's it a joke to push a kid who's not confident in water and who had asmtha into s pool, and a freezing part of the pool as well because the hearings not working (which he knew)?

It's bullshit.

Sounds like he lost his temper, had to win. That's incredibly immature and as people have said, he's a bully.

He's s bully because he knows he's not confident, and because it's really cold .. but also because he knew a young teenage boy, unless he's exceptionally well built is not going to be able to defend himself (and eg stop himself being pushed in, or pulled your partner in with him) especially with the element of surprise.

He's not going to.admit to losing his temper or being a bully though.

That is horrendous! Your partner was totally out of order. You don't throw anyone into a pool, especially a child. Your husband has no right to be sulking about the way you spoke to him - he'd just assaulted your son. I hope he is sulking because he's embarrassed and ashamed of the way he behaved, but if he really doesn't recognise what he did was wrong, you need to have a serious conversation with him about what's acceptable.

Aw, so he may have been showing off in front of his kids too. Even shittier.

Well I just spoke to my two sons about it as were all upstairs and they said when his daughter was shouting the water at him he was laughing and didn't say anything but when my son did it he didn't like it that's what my other son said and said he treated them differently.

Your DP sounds like an awful bully. Your poor DS.

If it was a genuine joke/misunderstanding the fair enough, but if that WAS the case then he'd have immediately rushed to your son's aid and apologised profusely, not just "wandered off".

Sorry OP, but he's shown you who he is. Watch him closely with your DS, don't ever let your guard down - if he carries on like this (more subtly most likely) then you need to leave him for your DS' sake.

That poor boy

Because I missed some of what happened as I came into the kitchen and went back out as my son shot the water at him and just saw him pick him up and chuck him he's a big guy aswell strong as anything.

If he knows your son had asmtha and can take asmtha attacks (which I presume he does) that's extra cruel /irresponsibl and potentially dangerous.

I've just been into my son btw and give him a massive cuddle and told him how much I love him and that I will make sure it never happens again. I don't think it's even what happened it's how it happened if you get me x

@GilbertMarkham his asthma is very controlled he was last bad with it Christmas time he's been generally ok since then I think my partner forgets he has asthma but my son uses a preventative and he's been good for a while but I heard his chest go funny right away and he needed his inhaler.

What concerns you more, the fact your partner is now in a mood with you or the fact your child is living with an abuser?
I wouldn't give a toss what he is saying or whether he's sulking. I'd be more focused on protecting my child.

Poor boy.

I'm not bothered one bit he's in a mood I just can't believe how he's turned it back onto me and said I spoke to him like shit infront of everyone and made him look stupid.

I'm a keen swimmer, especially open swimming, and I'd have been livid if someone did that to me. Add on asthma, lack of water confidence and lack of experience with the shock, your son has every right to be cross with your partner. If someone did it to my child I'd have a deep sense of shame that I hadn't protected him properly. I imagine your partner is banking on something like that, so that he can turn the dispute into you 'overreacting', and you feeling so uncomfortable you will 'forgive' him to make the whole experience go away.
Also, if you've been here any length of time you will know that pregnancy and soon after a birth are when abusive men usually star to our escalate abuse so I'd be very wary in case this is part of a pattern.

But you can't make sure it never happens again as long as this man is in his life.

You need to end the relationship. There is nothing at all that you've said that would make me remain with a man like your partner.

He’s showing you who he is OP. Listen!

For me, he’d be sleeping in that pool tonight.

It’s be funny then.

His reaction after was as bad as the act.

Awful and abusive. I would not stay with a man who could do that.

And ‘made him look stupid’?

No. Tell him he’s a big boy and he did that all by himself.

He’d be gone. No one would get away with doing that to my son he’d be out the door that day. Prick.