Would you be annoyed at this what partner did to son

[maria860]

We had a BBQ today stepkids came over and my partner and teenage son were having a water fight my son is 13.
We have a really big swimming pool what is fixed in the garden but the heater isn't working at the moment so it's freezing cold and it's quite deep aswell.
They were water fighting and it was getting out of hand and I tried to intervene at this point. My son is a young 13 very unconfident insecure and has anxiety he isn't a good swimmer and never goes in the pool like the other kids.
So my partner runs over grabs my son and throws my son in fully clothed. My son came up and was literally gasping for breath and had a full on panic attack and was crying and asking for his inhaler as he's got Asthma.
I got my son out the pool and he was beside himself I think it was the shock of it as the water was freezing. I shouted at my partner that he was out of order doing that to him and that I didn't agree with it.
My son was crying his eyes out and having a panic attack and I had to calm him down while my partner said well he was getting me so what did he expect wasn't even bothered I told him what a dick thing it was to do Beens as my son just threw a bit of water over him.
He didn't check he was ok or even apologise till ages after but he did say sorry in the end.
My son was crying in his room after for ages I think it hurt his pride a bit to maybe like I said he's been shy and not confident at all.
Well now we aren't speaking he said I spoke to him like shit and he didn't like it, well I didn't like the whole thing what happened full stop.
I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass but he's refusing to speak to me at the moment and is sat in another room.
What do u guys thinks ? Hope I've posted in the right area

Whilst I agree with the general consensus here, that he was totally out of order and then also reacted very badly when called out on it, isn't it ironic that the OP is being quite viciously bullied for not doing what all the PP want her to?

It’s bad enough that he did that but his behaviour after really shows the type of person he is. That he didn’t help your ds out of the water and immediately apologise says a lot. I notice he didn’t chuck his daughter in the pool for getting him a bit wet and now suddenly it’s all your fault and he’s not speaking to you? He’s gaslighting you as he’s not big enough to admit he made a mistake and say sorry properly. My son has asthma and cold water triggers it, he had to stop school swimming as lessons were in an outdoor pool in October, his chest started tightening up within 5mins and he hadn’t been thrown in! It really could have set off an asthma attack. What a nasty arsehole he is. I’m so sorry op, you sound lovely, you haven’t done anything wrong, don’t let him turn it on you

Ffs, end it. Get him out.

Maybe your DS is anxious because he lives with a bully? If you love your son get him away

Your boyfriend is a bully. I’m not surprised you and your son were upset. What a nasty thing to do to a child. Clearly a power thing.

Unfortunately you’re in the situation now.
You have choices. Your children don’t. They are stuck with the bully that you have foisted on them.
Is their father on the scene? Can they go to him while you decide what you’re going to do?

Sorry this has happened to you and your son op.

You will.cope if you get rid of him. You've raised kids before, you know the ropes, do you have much family support?

No just to clarify their dad has an affair years ago now but he's moved away he hardly see the boys I've raised them alone since they were small.

Is their father on the scene?

I think op already answered that her kids don't see their father by their own choice.

We only have your side of the story to work with, to be fair. However, your partner is completely out of order! He should know his own son. Sounds like he was showing off in front of the other children or he was annoyed about something and used the opportunity to take it out on your son. He owes him a massive apology!

Honestly cold water shock and asthma could be a fatal combination. I'd be fuming.
Hes being defensive but I'd hope it is dawning on him hes in the wrong.

Ask him to take a long hard think about that

Sorry - didn’t see that about their dad.
What do they feel about your dp in general? Do they like him?

He's ok but how he's acting now just is sealing the deal for me he hasn't said sorry to me at all for what happened and is blaming me for it. I'm so pissed off and down right now.

It's sealed the deal in that you realise you shouldn't be with a man capable of being so nasty and cruel to a child AND then turning it on you afterwards? Good. So you'll be ending the relationship then?

You don't have to be with the father of your child, you can coparent without being together. You say you're financially ok etc so you need to put your son first and get rid of this arsehole.

What a prick. What an utter, utter prick.

Imagine if your son had had a bad asthma attack as a result. Would you have stayed with him if that happened? I very much hope not. So think of it that way - he could have caused that, he is capable of being that much of a cunt to your boy.

I hope you don't 'forgive' something so unforgivable.

Your son won't forget this and neither will you. Can you honestly say that you will trust the bully ( yes thats what he is ) around your son from now on, cause I certainly wouldnt. Turning the situation around on you is a classic reaction . His stuff would be in a bag out on the street with him not far behind if I was in your shoes.

I have some family support. I did say he could of triggered a bad attack with my son he could barely breath after took me a good twenty minutes to get his breathing stable.

Get the fuck rid of him. Get this nasty bastard out of your DC’s lives.

I still feel so bad seeing my sons face straight after and how scared he was it makes me so angry I wish I could do it back

I have some family support. I did say he could of triggered a bad attack with my son he could barely breath after took me a good twenty minutes to get his breathing stable.

Oh my god your poor boy having this happen. That sounds so scary for him. Please don't subject him to growing up with this man living under the same roof as him, he's a bully. A nasty bully.

This isolation isn't helping not seeing my family or friends I feel so lonely and then this happened and I feel like one for no one right now.

I have no one I mean.

You can do it back.

You can kick him out.

Maybe that’ll take his fucking breath away for a bit.

I'd be telling him to leave.

This was your partners fault and the blame lies with him not you. What you do about it is your choice though. If you stay with him you are saying what happened is ok.

I know you are upset, ignore the harsher messages on here as many are judging your situation without knowing anything about your life. Try get a good night sleep tonight and then in the morning speak to your son and find out how he feels about the situation, does he feel bullied etc, assess if it was a joke that got out of hand (wrapped up in the moment and forgot he isn’t a fan of water) or if it was malicious. You mentioned that there has been another incident so think about that too. Then make a decision about what’s best for you and your kids- including the one you are pregnant with, if you split up now they would never know any different so don’t worry about that!

There’s nothing good that can happen tonight because you are feeling emotional so you won’t be able to focus properly and you want your son to have a decent night sleep because he’s probably exhausted and hearing arguments won’t help that.

Xx

I'd be telling him to pack his bags and go.

You should be putting your kids before this awful man.