Would you be annoyed at this what partner did to son

[maria860]

We had a BBQ today stepkids came over and my partner and teenage son were having a water fight my son is 13.
We have a really big swimming pool what is fixed in the garden but the heater isn't working at the moment so it's freezing cold and it's quite deep aswell.
They were water fighting and it was getting out of hand and I tried to intervene at this point. My son is a young 13 very unconfident insecure and has anxiety he isn't a good swimmer and never goes in the pool like the other kids.
So my partner runs over grabs my son and throws my son in fully clothed. My son came up and was literally gasping for breath and had a full on panic attack and was crying and asking for his inhaler as he's got Asthma.
I got my son out the pool and he was beside himself I think it was the shock of it as the water was freezing. I shouted at my partner that he was out of order doing that to him and that I didn't agree with it.
My son was crying his eyes out and having a panic attack and I had to calm him down while my partner said well he was getting me so what did he expect wasn't even bothered I told him what a dick thing it was to do Beens as my son just threw a bit of water over him.
He didn't check he was ok or even apologise till ages after but he did say sorry in the end.
My son was crying in his room after for ages I think it hurt his pride a bit to maybe like I said he's been shy and not confident at all.
Well now we aren't speaking he said I spoke to him like shit and he didn't like it, well I didn't like the whole thing what happened full stop.
I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass but he's refusing to speak to me at the moment and is sat in another room.
What do u guys thinks ? Hope I've posted in the right area

I find the tone of your opening post quite shocking tbh. You're willing to forget him 'being an ass'. He's not speaking to you? That's hardly the issue here.

I am sorry, but as a young child who couldn't swim I was thrown into pool and needed help to get pulled out. It was a long time ago and have never forgotten the sheer panic I felt, the fear was awful. If your partner doesn't understand that then I would be worried. He should not be trying to turn it round to you being in the wrong, I would have exploded at him too. He needs to grow up.

Your poor son. Stuck with a bully who could have killed him and doesn't give a shit.

Seriously OP, in your position I'd be ending it, and I'm not exaggerating. My brother had asthma when he was young and the few attacks I saw were terrifying.

I can't believe a grown adult would do that, or if they did in a moment of stupidity, that they wouldn't be horrified and begging forgiveness.

I feel sad that you had to go and promise your son that nothing like this will happen again, you know as long as this man is in your house you can’t guarantee something like this won’t happen again? If your son is now scared of this man you know what you need to do?

We grew up with a pool in our garden, people did get thrown in at times, I remember someone threatening to chuck me in, I was pretty confident in the water but the thought of being thrown in scared me to death, I can remember shouting and screaming to be put down, I was shaking with fear. I think it was a uncle that did it to me, my dad would never of done something like that.

I hope your sons ok.

So many bullying dickhead stepdads on here atm, with mothers who put them first over their kids.

Is it the season for it?

Before doing it did he know your son is nervous about water?

What a horrible thing to happen to your son, I would have been absolutely terrified. Your partner had no right, he sounds like a bully as others have said. Feel so sorry for your son having to be near him, this will make his anxiety so much worse.

He knows my son doesn't like the pool as all day he said he didn't want to go in the pool despite encouragement he's very nervous of water I don't know why as he's always been swimming etc. My uncle chucked me in a pool at his age I still remember it being horrid and my mom going mental about it.

@highmarkingsnowbile hang on a second I didn't get pregnant after six months it's been years and I was on the coil aswell and still got pregnant thanks very much.

What a dreadful boyfriend you picked, OP. Does he have to be around your kids? I know you’re having another one, ....good luck with that. Yikes.

I have never been a confident swimmer . I still remember the sheer terror ( 50+ years ago) I felt when DB grabbed my legs and pulled me under the water in the holiday pool. My DM thought I was making a fuss when I cried . DB is still a bully.

What a bastard he was to do that to your poor lad.
My cousin did that to me once when I was about 12 and my mum jumped in to help me out as I wasn’t a great swimmer , it was scary.
Your shit husband needs to sincerely apologise to him and I frankly wouldn’t speak to him until he does. You’ve seen his true colours now in this incident.

That’s awful then! I wanted to give him the benefit of doubt first of all thinking he just got carried away having fun.
I hope your son is ok! Some places do swimming lessons for older kids/adults that focus on water confidence, I would highly recommend them for anyone that’s nervous, I’ve done them and feel like it’s given me a new lease of life. I’ve gone from crying on the edge with a float and armbands to being able to dive in and swim a full length under water

I was pushed into a pond when I was 5 or 6 and it never left me, the pure terror. Your poor son.
I hope he's alright and I hope he knows his reaction was completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. The shame should belong to the grown man who did that to him.
Please try to pay attention and notice if this is a pattern of behaviour.

I would not forget about this incident op. I'm glad to hear your are backing your ds. Your ds needs to know he is your priority. Your do was vile to do that to him. It was really dangerous too. Is behaviour like this out of character for your partner? How is he un general with your dc? Time to assess this?

Your partner is a bully.

said I spoke to him like shit infront of everyone and made him look stupid..

Well he did act incredibly shit, and he dud t need any help from.you to look stupid.

He's ok but how he's acting now just is sealing the deal for me he hasn't said sorry to me at all for what happened and is blaming me for it. I'm so pissed off and down right now.

I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass

You're kidding, right?

My dh is step father to ds who 12 hes never treated him the way you're dp has.

OP, don’t be pissed off with him just get rid. He is a jerk and if you were a real friend of mine I would 100% support you in kicking him out and helping you be a single parent to your unborn child.

Im just so upset I feel like what happened is my fault I'm crying my eyes out. There was another incident what happened today that I can't post due to being identified which is also boiling my piss aswell before this happened. It's made me question my whole life being pregnant just makes the whole thing worse.

So it's your house and you don't need him.

And there's clearly something else he shouldn't have done that's making you question your relationship.

What do you want to do?