Do you forgive sexting?

[Purplesndteal]

One off explicit. He says he just didn't think what he was doing. I do believe it was a one off. It was ten lines. We have a baby, a house, a dog and we're supposed to get married next year

[Purplesndteal]

Oh no Gilbert your first assumption is correct, I wouldn't gain anything from telling her partner. I'm sure he wouldn't see it just as "banter".

[Purplesndteal]

We had a trip of a lifetime before we moved in together and started TTC, we called that our honeymoon.

[GilbertMarkham]

I used to banter with a married ex work colleague of mine, we're still in contact occasionally .. banter involved ribbing him good naturedly about his football team losing, his drinking exploits, his appreciation of nice arses (never related directly to my arse) etc.

We don't "banter" about what we'd do to each other sexually or are doing to ourselves sexually etc (guessing that's the just of what you found).

[GilbertMarkham]

*jist

[Purplesndteal]

Unfortunately I only saw the last message whic was explicit about her boobs and private parts. I couldn't read anything else.

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I'm not sure how you're getting married this year but then he watched porn on your honeymoon...bit odd.

[backseatcookers]

Look, I don’t want to sound horrible, but it will be far more damaging for your son to grow up in a household where his father doesn’t respect his mother and where his mother seems to accept that lack of respect, and where there’s no love between them, than it would be for him to grow up with parents who aren’t together but have worked out how best to co-parent.

This. Grow up and don't use your son as the reason to not leave a clearly unhealthy environment.

Him saying he "didn't think" is the worst excuse he could give. He did think. He thought, I want to send an explicit message to someone who isn't my partner even though I know doing it would really hurt her. So what next? He's on a night out and someone kisses him and he kisses them back because he "didn't think"? He goes back to someone's place because he "didn't think"?

Tbh the lack of accountability alone would make me want to break up with him.

Staying for the kids only makes them feel guilty (irrationally) in the long run when they realise that what happened, and angry that they spent their childhood witnessing poor relationship modelling they will have ingrained as the blueprint for a relationship - thus them being more likely to be in unhappy relationships as adults.

Put your son first and get some self respect.

[Purplesndteal]

I'm not trying to justify himut what else can he say apart from "I didn't think"?

[Bunnymumy]

Talking about her private parts?

Yeh...I've changed my mind. Dump him. Vile man.

[Purplesndteal]

I mean he just mentioned them but still super gross

[GilbertMarkham]

whic was explicit about her boobs and private parts

Oh I see, well who doesn't "banter" via private message with people of the opposite sex who they're not in a relationship with (and who are in a relationship with someone else) about their breasts and vulva/vagina??!!

I suppose she had nowhere to go and nothing to say so her only option was joking around/banter.

Tell her you'd like to discuss your sexual organs with her husband and if he asks why, say it's because clearly that's what people do with other people's partners for a bit of banter and you feel you're missing out ...you can't think of anyone offhand and it's only reciprocal that her husband "banters" with you.

[Bunnymumy]

I'm sorry op but he doesnt sound like a very nice partner.

I think you, the baba, the dog and the house would be better off without him.

[wendywoopywoo222]

I couldn't forgive and nor would I want to. Shows a complete lack of respect to you. A decent man wouldn't do it.

[GilbertMarkham]

Grow up and don't use your son as the reason to not leave a clearly unhealthy environment.

Put your son first and get some self respect.

Stop making edicts at op. You sound dictatorial and verging on derisive.

Particularly since she hadn't even said she'd decided she's not separating.

[TARSCOUT]

It isn't something I would forgive. To me it is cheating and unforgivable.

[Purplesndteal]

I haven't decided either way. But I just my doggie and my baby and know the three of us can be happy. She licked my tears away, I love her to bits. I definitely love her more than that excuse of a man

[Introvertedbuthappy]

OP can you clarify if you are married or not? In your OP you say you are going to get married next year but then mention that on your honeymoon your husband watched porn...

[Purplesndteal]

I'm not married no. There was this once in a lifetime trip we had before we moved in that was like a honeymoon. When we were planning to get married we knew we wouldn't have a honeymoon because to is we'd already had one

[backseatcookers]

I'm not trying to justify himut what else can he say apart from "I didn't think"?

"I knew what I was doing but I thought I'd get away with it so I didn't stop myself - I am so sorry and so disappointed in myself."

Something like that would have a more genuine remorse than wasn't thinking / it just happened approach.

You asked for opinions and my personal opinion is that, for me, once the trust has done whether in messages / a kiss / whatever, I wouldn't be able to continue a healthy relationship with that person. Because it would damage my trust in them, my belief in us as a unit and my perception of them as a person.

I understand many people do stay and I understand the reasons why but I think it's rare people stay with someone who has broken their trust and goes on to have a genuinely healthy and mutually trusting relationship with them.

[heartbrokenfool]

Absolutely no chance would I forgive this. Under what circumstances was he texting an ex colleague and allowed the conversation to go to that extreme. He's obviously unhappy in this relationship and is seeking thrills. It's unforgivable and also quite frankly unforgettable.

[Purplesndteal]

Good point about showing remorse in that way.

[Legallybleachblonde]

I wouldn't forgive....now. I did with my exH. He did it several times and eventually had an affair and left. He gaslighted me the whole time that I thought I was going mad in the end. I wouldn't take this relationship any further if I were you.

[BarbedBloom]

With sex addiction he would be texting men too, anyone really. I have dealt with it as part of a previous job. They get their sexual kicks however they can.

This was an ex colleague which would be the biggest issue for me. I would forever be wondering what they were like while working together and since you only saw the last message, you have no answers.

I have to say that I said LTB as I was once in your position. He kept doing it and escalated to actual affairs once the thrill of sexting wore off. Since then I won't tolerate any infidelity and have ended relationships due to my partner kissing someone else. I don't like who staying turned me into

[NoMoreDickheads]

I do.wamr to give him the BOTD that it could.be some sort of addictive behaviour rather than just a plain cheating bastard

They seem to usually claim this though. But he claims this is a one-off, so his two claims conflict- a one off behaviour isn't an addiction.

I'm glad you seem to see him for what he is more than you seemed to earlier in the thread.

Don't stay just for the sake of your DC. Children adjust and he'll be ok. xxx

I would tell her partner. He should know what she's upto.

[Purplesndteal]

I know he used to pay for sex chats about 10 years ago. Apparently he was super hooked. He's done tons of acid, coke and shrooms when he was younger. And every now and then when older. I could see similarities between this sexting thing and his drug usage