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Original poster

Do you forgive sexting?

185 replies

Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 23:08

One off explicit. He says he just didn't think what he was doing. I do believe it was a one off. It was ten lines. We have a baby, a house, a dog and we're supposed to get married next year

OP posts:

Mangofandangoo · 30/05/2020 10:28

Nope. Never forgive - if you do he will do it again.

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 10:35

I'm pretty certain he'll do it again. He might stop for months/years but will definitely do it again. I don't think he can change. I do.wamr to give him the BOTD that it could.be some sort of addictive behaviour rather than just a plain cheating bastard.

OP posts:

Aerial2020 · 30/05/2020 10:41

Your posts are contradicting.
I think this is made up

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 10:42

How is it contradicting?

OP posts:

tarasmalatarocks · 30/05/2020 10:44

All I can say is that it’s relatively easy to forgive, it’s the forgetting bit that’s hard. You never quite see them in the same light again, you can get on perfectly ok but that special ‘something’ kind of gets snuffed out in your head. A lot of women do stay yes, because they can’t bear the idea of rocking the boat. Another bunch of women stay for financial reasons, if someone gave them 40k to start again, they would be off. Maybe look at separating for an agreed period , say 6 months and reassess at the end of it . If it’s meant to be then it will become clear, if he’s on Tinder faster than the speed of light then you will know your answer.

tarasmalatarocks · 30/05/2020 10:45

Oh and I don’t think it’s his first rodeo either. Really unlikely you catch him on his one and only time

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 10:47

Thanks Tara that makes some sense. Especially as it would let me see his behaviours when living separately.

I would.not be staying for financial reasons.

His cuddles didn't give any comfort it could have been a dead body next to me.and couldn't have cared less.

OP posts:

Corruptedtongue · 30/05/2020 12:37

I think your options are this

to leave and pursue a monogamous relationship with someone else
to continue with this relationship, stating that you expect monogamy (but that he was probably do it again and hide it from you)
to co parent as friends and that you are both allowed to pursue other relationships

You need to decide which lifestyle works best for you - but you deserve trust and respect in your relationship.

LellyMcKelly · 30/05/2020 12:46

He’s lying. It’s his first time and he writes 10 lines out of the blue? Come on.

MarshaBradyo · 30/05/2020 12:47

No don’t

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 12:48

I wouldn't pursue any other relationship I've always known this even before we got together. I quite happily would live with the dog and baby.

Also co-parenting in different countries would be extremely hard, which we should have thought about as he knew I'd ways move back to my home country.

OP posts:

tarasmalatarocks · 30/05/2020 12:53

Yep, he should have engaged his brain. It doesn’t have to be the end but I think it has to be the end’at the monent’ And then give you space to think clearly, it’s impossible when they get a bit desparate and then are round you like flies around poop

Corruptedtongue · 30/05/2020 12:54

I meant co parent and live together or close by. As friends. I think separating for an agreed period sounds like a good idea. I also think a very open line of communication is needed - if you want to make it work. He needs to be completely transparent about his feelings.

MMmomDD · 30/05/2020 13:00

@Purplesndteal

OP - your posts seem to yo-yo from one point of view to another. With no explanation.
Are you just having fun here? Or maybe just lonely?

Starts off with your flexible view on monogamy, and offering him an open relationship, and not wanting to leave.
And today it’s like you are a different person. Love was gone in one moment, apparently, and you are moving countries?

Either you are having massive mood swings, or something else is up.

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 13:06

According to my therapist it's all normal. Im going from one side to the other. That's fairly normal in me though.

The points still stand. I could try to build.my relationship again with him knowing he'd do it again, but giving him the carte blanche and see how that goes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 13:07

And it's all the different options I have at my finger tips. I wouldn't just stay to co-parent. I'd miss my family to be with me, so I'd just move back home.

OP posts:

GilbertMarkham · 30/05/2020 13:11

is the woman who said it was banter

Sometimes people in situations like these minimise/lie for a number of reasons e.g. they don't want a "psycho" wife/partner on their case, they don't want trouble, they don't want to cause trouble, they want to keep on his good side etc etc.

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 13:18

But what do I do about her Gilbert? I'm sure she said that so I didn't go to her partner. But I get nothing out of that

OP posts:

GilbertMarkham · 30/05/2020 13:19

In general hitching your wagon in life to people who "don't think" is risky.

Plus it doesn't really bear up to examination. Reverse the circumstances; you (with a fiance and child) are in contact with someone of the opposite sex and the conversation is turning flirtatious and then sexual ... Would you "think"?

Would you even have to think or would your natural instincts and boundaries, given you're in a monogamous relationship with a family, make you uncomfortable and aware you're crossing a (big) line.

The reality is there are lines, there are stop signs that you should have naturally .. (if you don't, that's a separate equally disastrous issue) and you choose to breeze on past them. It doesn't take much thinking.

It's bullshit.

GilbertMarkham · 30/05/2020 13:21

I'm sure she said that so I didn't go to her partner

Ah, so she's not single (sorry I haven't read the full thread) .. well that's another good reason to lie or minimise.

You obviously have the right to tell her partner if you can get contact details for him. But that's entirely up to you, as you say what does it really benefit you.

They deserve it but it's just going to make your separation (if you choose to separate, I'm not sure how fixed you are in a decision) more antagonistic.

Original poster

Purplesndteal · 30/05/2020 13:25

I know what you're talking about Gilbert the other day some dad complimented my pushchair and felt it was inappropriate. (Obviously it wasn't, but that was my initial feeling).

OP posts:

GilbertMarkham · 30/05/2020 13:25

Oh sorry I thought you meant telling her partner wouldn't you, but maybe you meant her saying it was only banter doesn't help you make your decision.

Well, sex talk isn't only banter. That's obvious.

Ivyr0se · 30/05/2020 13:26

No i couldn't forgive it.

The trust is gone.
The love is gone, you said so yourself.

You would be better of co parenting and enjoying his friendship especially as you say you know he will do it again.

Set a positive example for your child and have some self respect instead of staying in a relationship doomed to fail.

Even if it is meaningless, that's almost worse like he would risk a happy relationship and family life for the thrill of a bit of strange.

It would be over for me.

GilbertMarkham · 30/05/2020 13:27

If her DH was your work colleague and he'd said what your DH wrote to you (and it seems likely you were writing similar stuff) .. would it be only banter to her.

Bullshit.

WoollyMammouth · 30/05/2020 13:27

We watched porn on our honeymoon.

we're supposed to get married next year

Which is it?

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