Thoughts on men that like younger women

[namechangeagain12]

So I seem to come across a lot of blokes late 20's early 30's who like younger girls, between 19-21. I know we are only talking around 10 years age gap here but I think it's disgusting...

I remember when I was 19 at uni and my flat mate's 29 year old friend was trying to sleep with me - I thought he was weird as hell! I was never a immature 19 year old but still, 19 to me is still VERY young.

Is this totally normal? Am I being unreasonable here for judging a bloke for constantly liking younger girls photos? I appreciate these girls look late 20's but for some reason it freaks me out and puts me right off them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just after a gentle discussion

Men generally like younger women, women generally like older men. That’s just how it is.

Yeah, that's the same in my book bluejava It's more unusual as a dynamic but it's the same issue isn't it, really.

When I was 21 I dated a man who was 35. He turned out to be a perv. I ended the relationship at 28 and he went on to date another young woman. He's 70 plus now so good luck to her !

Do women generally like older men? In my twenties, we all thought they were weird creeps with personality issues. And in my teens even more so. I didn't know anyone, apart from the 'vulnerable' (in retrospect) ones who thought it was cool.

I think it's grim too, I am over 60 now and seeing men in my wider circle lusting after younger women is obscene. They are using their wealth and power to try and impress the women.

From another point of view, a couple of my friends married much older men (one was clearly the OW although never admitted it, happened years before I met her) and have ended up as a carer for their much older DHs... I know that can happen at any age due to illness/accident etc but both have confided privately to me how hard they find it.

I know lots of people will now come on to say they have very happy relationships with big age differences but I still think there are many challenges.
When I was much younger I dated a couple of 'older men' ... they weren't really interested in my personality .

Eww remember being hit on frequently by much older men on my early twenties- wasnt slightest bit interested. Most people end up with someone within 5 years or so of their age anecdotally don’t know any large age gaps in my friends or family

I'd be wary of an older guy who routinely went after very young women... I'd judge him negatively. It's usually about power

Yes this.

A one off where two people meet through a hobby/work etc is different but if a man’s “type” is consistently substantially younger women it would ring alarm bells for me.

Think it depends on where you are in life, the age gap isn’t so much a problem as the control that comes with it, if for example, the older person is already set up in job/house/sexually experienced etc where the younger is just starting out. So late teen early 20’s dating someone in their 30’s is likely to have a different dynamic to someone in their 30’s or 40’s dating someone 10 years older.

I get it. I really do. I'm 37, my daughter is 20. The idea of someone of my peer group dating her would feel very uncomfortable. When I was single and early 30s I had a brief dalliance with an early 20s man. It fizzled out as quickly as it started as I found him immature and inexperienced (despite the incredible rugby player body!) it transpired he was just 18 (though led me to believe 24 and looked 27!) it all left me feeling rather dirty for want of a better phrase.

In general, I've found men who repeatedly date extremely young women to be men who women of similar age and experience would avoid like the plague.

I met DP at 17, he was 28 (to be fair, I let him assume I was early 20's for a while after we met, and before getting together)

I'm 37 now and he is 48. Your opinion that our 11 yr age gap is 'disgusting' is ridiculous. We have out lasted nearly every couple we have met in terms of relationship longevity.

@IsAnybodyListening
I'm sorry but a 28 year old man starting a relationship with a girl (not woman!) that hasn't turned 18 yet is weird and very very disturbing. Again, I repeat my earlier point, what on rather was he doing between 17-28 that he hadn't matured beyond a 17 year old? When you turned 28 would you have considered a 17 year old boy in that way?

The longevity of a relationship does not prove anything. I know tonnes of people in long lasting relationships that are toxic and very unhealthy. It's can be as much about standards and expectations than it is about compatibility and happiness.

I think it's a myth that women like older men more. I've never liked older men, I always thought it was gross and sad when I was being hit on by them.

And I don't think women are better off with older men, how patronising! My DP is a month older than me and we do just fine.

The first time an older dude tried to hit on me I was 15. And no I didn't look older, I looked considerably younger.

I haven't come across that but did come across men much older than you have mentioned who liked teenage girls - especially when I was a teenager! It wasn't 'the norm' but was common enough. Most chaps in late twenties or early thirties go for young women their age, give or take a couple of years.

When I was 18 I had a relationship with a 34 year old, when I was 20 I dated a 30 year old. Now I'm in my thirties and have a few male friends who are in this situation - one is 38 and dating a 23 year old, another is 34 and dating a 24 year old. I can't figure out how on earth they have anything in common, but my relationships became purely about sex so this could be my own bias that I'm projecting!

Kate beckinsale is 46 and dating a 22 year old. I can't see what they've got in common either!

I agree, it's about life stages and being able to relate to people. Someone in my office used to only have girlfriends 10 plus years younger. He was late 30s. I think he liked people to look up to him.

Of course, with it being the 1980s, many of the older men hitting on teens when I was young would now be on sex offender registers or sacked for abusing positions of power - the teacher, the sports coach, the manager and his work experience teen girl. Again, yuck

I have an 18 year old. I would be bloody horrified and also upset that I hadn't instilled an appreciation of creepy behaviour if my teen boy brought home a girlfriend in her late twenties or older. What a loser. And what kind of power play? I'd certainly not be encouraging that. And I'd be even more upset if they stole his twenties by getting him into a long term relationship. Complete nightmare. I can't see me feeling any different if it was my 18 year old daughter. Happily my kids are very stable. It's often the troubled background ones who are easy pickings for these losers.

Where do you draw the line? I was 22 when I met dp and he was 29. I always thought that was perfectly fine and normal.

Yes I was probably easily impressed because he was clean and tidy despite living on his own. Maybe he was looking for someone to 'take care of' as I didn't have a job at the time and was a bit lost. You could say there is still a power imbalance as I still earn a lot less than him. That's not the way he sees it though.

I see on here all the time men who are a similar age to the op who never lift a finger or who are controlling, I think it's probably the luck of the draw.

That being said I still think that it's a problem if it's a pattern for a man to always go for younger women. But is it any worse than only dating redheads or south east Asian women?

Incidentally I only ever had older men ask me out when I was younger (30s 40s men) and I was never interested. Men my age never asked me out. Not sure why.

I'm a late 20s single fella and i find quite a few of the early 20s women to be immature. There's always exceptions but I have an 8yr old & a 2yr old. It's far too weird to think that whilst my ex was giving birth, some of these girls were at school... Creeps me out. I do a bit of maths of 18yrs old + my eldest DC age = lowest age I'd consider as a result. Bit arbitrary perhaps!

Would you feel that way if you didn't have kids though Vretz? That surely makes you more mature than a man without kids in his late 20s?

17-19 year olds fair enough it seems off in the majority of cases, but a 22/23 year old is different surely?

@NoHardSell agreed, could have written that post^ My friends and I never preferred older men. I remember gossiping after getting our first jobs, and we'd say "(X) is really nice, but God he's so old" about someone who was in their early 30s

(Disclaimer- Now that I'm older I've realised 30 isn't old haha but I was immature back then)

I think it can be a control thing. My ex h is now living with a 25 year old. He's 40. He was very controlling over me and the marriage broke down when I started standing up for myself. I suspect he likes that she thinks he's so mature and wonderful and hangs off his EE Eu word. Feel sorry for the woman I really do.

Every word that should say!

Depends a lot on their maturity. Even without kids, I'm at the age where kids are on my radar as friends are having their first.

A 22/23yr old is really just starting in the world of work, so as a PP said, it creates a power imbalance as financially, there would be a logical choice because of my job.

I did it with my ex, but I was only 1yr older than her, and she was a childcare professional... Sort of meant we felt a bit odd for me to give up work whilst she looked after other peoples children!

I suppose biologically men are programmed to be physically attracted to seemingly fertile females. A woman who is peak fertility will be fully grown but a very young adult, say 18-20 years old.

However there is a a huge difference between finding a young woman physically attractive/aesthetically pleasing = normal, and consciously seeking out such individuals to be your partner on the grounds of their youth if you're (say) 20 years older = yuck and delusional.

I think there are exceptions where two individuals are attracted to each other as a "whole package". (I should probably disclose here that my husband is 14 years older.)

But men who seek out solely young partners regardless of their own age and level of physical attractiveness suggests:

1. That they think they are entitled to access youthful flesh just because they want to.
2. As pps have said they probably also enjoy the power of being more wealthy, established and therefore more able to call the shots and control the relationship. I agree with a pp who said such men often actively dislike women and don't consider them equals.

This is topical for me at the moment. Our neighbour's wife just left him (he's mid 40s, bald, nothing special to look at) because she suspected something had gone on with their former au pair who left recently. Sure enough immediately the au pair (age 18) moved back in. She seems to have her feet firmly under the table and he is totally cuntstruck and very pleased with himself. His wife has told me he seems to think everyone will be envying his hot new girlfriend. Whereas the whole street is actually thinking WTF?? ?

@IsAnybodyListening I never said the age gap was disgusting - what I find 'weird' is older men that specifically go for juvenile girls. I haft absolutely no issues with 50 year old being with a 40 year old. It was specifically younger girls I was targeting.

Although i suppose I do agree with a lot of people about men in their 50s being with women in their 20's/30's. I have a friend who's 34 and her partner is 70. They make a great couple BUT that is a huge age gap... the sad reality is she will be a very young widow.

Again my uncle has just remarried a 31 year old women and had a baby with him - he's 55 and has 2 kids in their late 20's from his previous marriage. Imagine your step mum being 5 years older than you? Imagine he will be 75 when his youngest is 20. I have nothing against it so to speak, everyone is entitled to their life it's just not something I would do.

I suppose I just wanted a gentle discussion on people's thoughts on the topic! It's an interesting one