Thoughts on men that like younger women

[namechangeagain12]

So I seem to come across a lot of blokes late 20's early 30's who like younger girls, between 19-21. I know we are only talking around 10 years age gap here but I think it's disgusting...

I remember when I was 19 at uni and my flat mate's 29 year old friend was trying to sleep with me - I thought he was weird as hell! I was never a immature 19 year old but still, 19 to me is still VERY young.

Is this totally normal? Am I being unreasonable here for judging a bloke for constantly liking younger girls photos? I appreciate these girls look late 20's but for some reason it freaks me out and puts me right off them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just after a gentle discussion

@Wolfgirrl you do realise that's about the type of man. Not his age?

My exh took me on dates when we met and he was 25.

Those people you dated probably won't be doing these things at 40.

I really don't have a problem with this.

People in their early 20s are probably the most attractive you're going to get. They're typically at their most confident, culturally switched on, fashionable, sociable and sexually active.

It's hard not to find that compelling or attractive, but I can understand that a lot of men would not be content with just 'the view'!

@Trevsadick

I thought OP was insinuating older men that date younger women are creepy.

" Younger women are nearly always better looking than older women "

I may be in the minority here but imo many women look dare I say better in their mid to late twenties rather than 18-21... more confidence, more likely to know what 'look' suits them rather than blindly following trends etc.

Plus (with an exception to stress, having kids, or just unlucky genes) it's rare that women significantly 'age' when they get to their late twenties/early thirties, so I don't get why their are still some older men who only go for the 18 - 21 range (well other than the power reasons pp have stated)

"People in their early 20s are probably the most attractive you're going to get. They're typically at their most confident, culturally switched on, fashionable, sociable and sexually active."

Lets face it, the reason they are most attractive is mainly due to their youthful appearance. Men and women both.

Lots of talk about people in their early 20s being the most attractive . If this is true does it then suggest that men ? Or wome. ) who are drawn to this age group when it is much younger than them may place a much greater importance on physical appearance rather than other characteristics like life experience, knowledge etc . Or in other words may simply be more shallow ? Wondering what people’s opinions of this are
Does it make the person who chose a much younger partner based on looks more likely to leave that younger partner as they age ? (Or god do if if they were disfigured ) and the opportunity to be with a more youthful person comes along?

@cakecup Romantic attraction is in large part about sex, sex is about reproduction, reproductive fitness is largely associated with youth. Its perfectly normal and okay to be attracted to young adults, even if you are older.

"and the opportunity to be with a more youthful person comes along?"

In practice most people, women and men, don't have what it takes to attract much younger partners. A much more youthful person isn't going to come along.

Scott72 - wo are you saying that romantic attraction being related in your opinion to reproductive fitness thus youth applies to men too ? Because as the mother of boys aged in their 20s I simply don’t find men in their 20s sexually attractive . They seem way too young and the lack of life experience and immaturity is a massive turn off for me . Many female friends my age say the same . No matter how good they might loom the thought of having them as partners is off the board
Of your going to use the reproductive argument ( no largely debunked) you need to address the fact that proven reproductive ability would be a plus I a female mate thus females who have born children would be a ‘ surer bet ‘ and thus more attractive .

In terms of the argument that most older people don’t have what it takes to attract a younger female , on that we agree but then again who wants to spend their life with someone who’s dreaming the whole time that he could ditch you for a younger woman . Personally I’d rather life a single life without feeling used like that

Also I should add that the reproductive argument has also posited that women are better suited to sleep with multiple men and let the best sperm win . Ie the sperm competition theory . Are men who chase younger women.
Many controversial issues around making such statement as attraction such as romantic attraction is largely linked to fertility and youth . This is an argument that has been used mainly against women considering their fertility is much more shorter lived than men’s . Are infertile women of aged 18 and above unattractive in your opinion

My DH is 11 years older than me but we met when I was in my late twenties. I’ve never found men my own age attractive from being at school onwards. I have always been more mature emotionally than males my own age and it’s for that reason that I have never found a spark with men who are younger/ the same age.

I do however think that if you’re in your younger twenties and someone who is 45+ that there could be a power imbalance there in favour of the older probably richer, more established older person and that’s always awful.

I think we have to accept that by and large men and women prioritise different factors when looking for a romantic partner - a lot of these are subconscious too in my opinion.

Also it is worth questioning why you feel disgust at the thought of a large age gap. Could any part of that be coming from a place of bitterness that men are going for younger women than yourself? I only bring this up as there was a moment in my early to mid thirties where I came to the realisation that most men my age weren't interested and that hurt - I have since come to terms with it now. Not to sound really egotistical but I'm still good for my age (late thirties), I'm probably fitter now than I was in my early 20s, still very slim etc however it is mainly men who are late 40s and early 50s who show me interest. When I was in my 20s and particularly early 20s I was fighting men (ages between 18-40ish) off with a stick.

On the flip side I don't think I've ever heard any of my close male friends weigh up what a potential partner does for a living or how much money they make or how ambitious they are. That isn't to say they don't care about intelligence and character either. A lot of my female friends put quite high importance on what the guy did or how driven he was etc.

Ultimately I think we should accept the differences between men and women and not to intervene unless there is reason to believe some form of abuse is taking place.

It’s not as simple as accepting ‘differences’ as you say It’s actually a result of sexist ideas about women’s worth and I think that’s why some women Feel hurt as you mention. Most people who are discriminated against because of things they have zero control over such as aging DO feel hurt and I would say that’s understandable and justified . I’ve never cared less about a mans income job or status . I’ve always worked and not depended on someone to support me . I believe most women are self supporting now days and not overly concerned with men’s income yet it’s seems women will be forever judged on their youth.
Being late 30s with men in their 40s or 50s showing interest may be fine but when your 50 will you be ok with 70 or 80 yr olds . Accepting that men your age see you as somehow less than them and not good enough to date even though they are the same age as you when you hit 50 or 60 may be fine with some women but I feel other who done that sexist and a double standard are totally justified and although it may change nothing in this society that treats women as if they age worse than men , it should be spoken about freely

Happily in my case I know it isn't bitterness as I have always thought they were creepy shallow inadequates. You need pretty low self esteem in your teens and twenties, with every man after you, to think that a middle aged man leering at you is a good dating prospect. Yuck. And they still seem that way to me now, chasing after women twenty years younger than them

Yes, the dating pool is technically smaller by your 40s and 50s but only because those leery inadequates have self selected themselves out. It's no bad thing. I wouldn't have wanted them in my 20s, I don't want them now either.

I have found that by mid 30s maybe early 40s, the age gap doesn't make much difference in terms of a relationship but you do have down sides in terms of penis performance (lack of) as men get older so that brings its own challenges. Me, on the other hand, sexual prime! Love my 40s.

Lol yes good point . There are some things to be compensated for it’s age but with the right person it doesn’t matter
I think you’re right about the types of men chasing the younger ones are not the men you want . It just gets frustrating when considerably older men or considerably younger men , neither of whom I feel I have much in common with are the ones who I seem to have approaching or show interest . When I talk to men my age they seem only interested in much younger women and this gets frustrating . That’s the best word!

You're arguing against biology there Cakecup. In employment and other areas we should work to dismantle age discrimination. But in romantic attraction, we have to accept there is a preference for younger people.

Yes women's physical attractiveness to the opposite sex does tend to drop off faster than men's with age. That's derived from the biological reality that women's fertility decreases faster then men's.

On the other hand the romantic attention young women attract can be very high. Even an average looking young woman will often attract far more attention than a good looking young man. Although unfortunately a lot of this attention is often unwanted.

coronaway not sure what you mean by accept?

Why would you think it was, in part, bitterness? Regardless of the reasons, not everyone is interested in anyone.

That goes for the young and attractive. They are just as likely to be interested in someone, that isn't interested in them that way. I am not bitter that some people prefer very slim women, or shorter women. If someone doesn't fancy you they don't fancy you, that's just life. Not sure why anyone would be bitter.

I can honestly say, the majority of men I know do not, exclusively go after yoinger women. In my social circle, there's not one age gap relationship. I have known several men and women, who are, through work. I have to say I disagree that most men go for younger women, especially exclusively.

That said i did say earlier that my own experience, colours my view. I do not know of any relationship where one of the parties only date much younger people be healthy. There is always so sort of cohesive control.

Not in all age gap relationships, but those where a person(both men and women) only dates much younger.

When people meet and just fall in love with someone who happens to be older or younger, its completely different. In my experience.

@Trevsadick I agree that in most social circles I've seen most people, men and women, go for people their own age. Biology may predispose us to be attracted to younger people, but in reality this usually isn't practical or desirable. When Cakecup says all men her own are only interested in much younger women, I think she's exaggerating a bit.

I can honestly say, the majority of men I know do not, exclusively go after yoinger women. In my social circle, there's not one age gap relationship. I have known several men and women, who are, through work. I have to say I disagree that most men go for younger women, especially exclusively

I agree, although largish age gap relationships are pretty common in my social circle and family too, both sides of it.

Couldn’t agree more, speaking from experience. When I was younger I always dated older men, even had a child with one, the nearer I get to the age he was when we met, the weirder I find it!!! And no in my late teens ( but legal ) I was not really grown up enough to make those decisions. At the time I thought I was though, Of course. I can not understand why a man 30+ would be interested in anyone age 17-21 🤢 that being said I do think the gap closes the older you get

Actually, I get a lot of interest, really a lot of interest, from men in their twenties. That's very common for women in their 40s. They often change their age on profiles so they can get past the message filters and write. Like CakeCup1 it is a thing I have found where there are more messages from much younger or much older but not so much same age. That's not really a biology thing, it's something else, although I don't know what you'd call it.

Perhaps men in their forties are prime 'mid life crisis' age? Reclaim youth by trying to shag someone much younger?

I would not choose to be with someone who insisted on Only dating someone younger than themselves just as I would not find someone attractive who only dated size 10 women or who only dated a man over 6 foot or who owned a brand new car. I don't find these qualities attractive.
If you end up with a large age gap then fine. Same as if your dp happens to own a brand new car and be gorgeous then fine too.
Within my close friends 2 of us are younger than our husbands and 2 are older than our husbands.
I remember as a 15 year old being on a family holiday and the entertainment one night involved men choosing a partner to dress then up.
A man came straight over to me, he was on holiday with his wife and kids, maybe around 40 ish I was horrified. He grabbed hold of my hand and chose me to dress him up. I would be absolutely appalled if my dh did this.

@NoHardSell

Its still biology. Men are interested in the appearance as well as the reality of youth. Do you still look fairly good for your age? These younger men are just after casual sex, to be blunt. They think their relative youth will make them more attractive to you and more accepting of just hooking up. The older men are just trying their luck.

Of course they are just after casual sex It's more of hook up sites than dating sites I suppose. Bleurgh the idea of proper dating someone in their twenties. Hilarious! Apparently they do go all needy on you though and see it as a relationship, from what I've been told. It isn't something I am interested in really, and you'd think biologically I'd be after young sperm, not knackered old sperm that has lots of genetic defects. Young with young makes best babies.

Why bring up the biology arguement?

It's very outdated and poorly researched.