Thoughts on men that like younger women

[namechangeagain12]

So I seem to come across a lot of blokes late 20's early 30's who like younger girls, between 19-21. I know we are only talking around 10 years age gap here but I think it's disgusting...

I remember when I was 19 at uni and my flat mate's 29 year old friend was trying to sleep with me - I thought he was weird as hell! I was never a immature 19 year old but still, 19 to me is still VERY young.

Is this totally normal? Am I being unreasonable here for judging a bloke for constantly liking younger girls photos? I appreciate these girls look late 20's but for some reason it freaks me out and puts me right off them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just after a gentle discussion

I'd be wary of an older guy who routinely went after very young women... I'd judge him negatively. It's usually about power

I agree with this. I know a 60 year old with a 21 year old girlfriend and my view of him has deteriorated sharply.

Men who routinely date women who are substantially younger than them are either very superficial or wish to be in control. I can have a laugh with an 18 year old man but there is too great a gap in experience to form a meaningful relationship of equals with him.

My DH is 20 years older than me which was fine when we met 42 and 62 and is still fine now but can't imagine it would have been fine at 19 and 39 particularly not with my Dad

I found it creepy as hell when I was a young woman. I didn't want to be pestered by old men it's vile. Often they were married too.

At 19 I dated two 50 year olds, yeah that's messed up.

I’ve always liked dating/relationships with older men. DH is 23 years older. I dated someone my age when I was about 20; we were together for 3/4 years but he was never ‘ready’ to move in/forward. His dad still gave him a lift to/ from work, he never wanted us to go out for a meal as his mum cooked our tea etc. (if I was round there that day). He could drive but refused to as he’d been in an accident with his mate (mate was driving), the fact that said mate had taken drugs and was speeding apparently wasn’t why they’d crashed 🙄.

He suddenly started talking about moving in and we even looked at a couple of houses. I did wonder why the sudden about face. By then I was working in a city that was the best part of an hours commute by train. I suggested that instead of ME having to have the awkward commute, we look at places nearer to my work (as he could drive and didn’t need to use train) or half way. He refused and said he was only looking as his mum and dad thought it was a good idea. He was then heartbroken when I ended it, but he just didn’t want to grow up. Suggested that if we bought a 2-bed (all we could afford) that the spare room be a ‘chill out room’ for him and his mates to play music and smoke in.

Now, I may have just been unlucky but someone whose more established (and therefore usually older) is more decisive and realistic. Both older men I’ve dated (including DH) wanted us to move in together and discuss the future which was what I wanted.

Now older looking back at my 15/16 year old self dating and planning to marry a guy with a 7 year age gap I can see how wrong it was don't get me wrong we didn't plan getting married til I was 19 by then I realised I don't want to spend my life with him but even his mum thought it was perfectly normal maybe she was just pleased he had met someone!

However I am now happily married with a 11 year age gap hubby is older but meeting as a 31 and 42 year olds we didn't even notice the age gap he doesn't look his age and I guess we didn't really think about it. Some things we notice but not much and after bad choices with men I am just happy I found someone who enjoys the simple life with me and makes me happy

So yes I do think older men with young girls isn't good however I was pretty mature at 19 so it does depend on the person too

I don't think it's 'disgusting' but I do always think it's a bit ironic when women insist that they like older men 'because they're more mature' as there really isn't much that's less mature than a man in his 30s/40s who likes teenagers.

It is about the sex and it shows how animalistic men are. Some men are not looking for an equal, fulfilling relationship.

However, the majority of men are with women in their age range (give or take 10 years)

I feel a bit odd about ages gaps. They don't bother me as a rule. Some people genuinely meet someone and fall in love that happen to have an age gap.

However, I know several people (men and women) that only date people much younger. And yes, its weird.

Op your experience with the friemds older man wi colour your view. Just like my view is coloured by the people I know.

Ime, when people exclusively, date people much younger, the relationships always have an unhealthy dynamic. The older peolple (that I know) than only date younger people tend to be quite controlling and act like their parents. Constantly watching what they wre doing, telling them exactly what they must do, how to behave. Not always acting like their mother doing their washing etc. But definitely act like they are trying to shape the man, into who they want him to be.

The older men tend to spout the 'i am only trying to protect and look after you' line. The older women tend to spout the 'this is how a real man should act'.

Personally, I have never seen a relationship where the older person only dates much younger people, be a happy healthy long term one.

People who only date much older people are looking for something else. Not just a relationship with someone they love and again can have unhealthy attitudes.

I wouldn't rule out a age gap relationship for myself, unless that person I ly dated younger people. If I met someone older or younger and felt a genuine connection, their age wouldn't put me off.

When people only have age gap relationships, i cant help wonder why they have never had any sort if connection with some close to their own age. Or do they discount people just on age. Which is odd as they will also say 'age is just a number'. If you intl date much older or younger people, clearly age isn't just a number.

The majority of older men aren't in relationships with young women. I'm still quite surprised when I come across it so clearly it's not the norm. I wouldn't let an experience with 1 man cloud my view of all older men.

In real life (not celeb) I noticed that men who went for much younger women were often a bit ‘deficient’ and not able to attract women their own age.

I think it's grim and often quite disturbing.

How on earth have these men managed to exist so much longer on this earth and not managed to mature enough that there is a blatant gap between them and someone so much younger? I matured so much in my 20s that I'm not sure that at 30 years old I would have had much in common at all with my 19 year old self.

Society excuses this with the age old argument that men mature more slowly than women. I don't actually buy this and think that men often just choose to take on less responsibility and commitment than women. Women kid themselves that by acknowledging and often taking on many of the life responsibilities and commitments on behalf of these men that they are somehow more mature. In most cases, the woman is actually being taken for a ride and these men are more than happy to reap the benefits of having a naive young partner who feels she's just an "old head on young shoulders' that is uniquely placed to support this useless, incapable manchild.

Mayne they're shallow or like the power they hold over these women. Maybe they're following the stereotype...

I'm 28 and would never find a late teen/early 2p something attractive. I don't think I would even go for someone over mid 30s. Past that and they're like not physically attractive, or on the same wavelength as me.

Shallow or immature or perverts (and it's the nearest legal age that is socially acceptable) or power/control freaks. None of it good. I remember how creepy it was in my 20s (and younger) and my views haven't changed as I aged. There's an age at which both are fully mature (even your brain doesn't finish developing til mid 20s) but then there's still the power gap for some men with younger women. By about mid30s it doesn't seem an unhealthy dynamic eg 35 year old with 45 year old, usually on same wavelength, similar work profiles by then etc (let's not forget, so many meet at work. Yuck. The older manager/junior. No power issues there!)

Men in their 50s who continuously try and have relationships with early twenties women are creeps in my eyes. I’m sorry but it just seems purely sexually motivated. They must be worlds apart in terms of life experience and everything else. It’s creepy. I get that age gaps happen organically and can work really well, I’m not talking about that. Specifically men that continually go for women that could theoretically be the same age as their kids. Weird weird weird.

Well you can't help who you fancy and there's no denying that youth is usually very beautiful.

I can assure you that there are plenty of women of my acquaintance who are similarly attracted to younger men.

I don't see any harm in it whatsoever as long as you don't act on it or act with any sort of expectation or entitlement - openly letching after younger people is awful and makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

I agree, OP. Admiring is one thing - you could say heterosexual men are genetically hardwired to look for young, fertile mates. Acting on it is usually nothing to do with cavemen psychology and everything to do with power. They don't want an equal relationship with a woman who might challenge them.

My partner is 10 years older than me and I don't see the problem. I dated much older men in my teens, and no they didn't still live at home with mum, and they actually had decent jobs.
None were as controlling as my ex-h who was only three months older than me. We need to remember that age is just a number, my same-age ex used to act like a miserable old man and my partner is much more fun and happy.

Age isn't just a number until your body and brain are fully mature. That's mid twenties.

I think most people have hit the nail on the head here. It’s about mental and emotional maturity. A man who’s in his 30’s/ 40’s with an established career etc will quite easily attract a woman his own age on the same wavelength. A man without prospects who still acts/ thinks like a teenager and has commitment issues will never attract women of the same age so has to set their sights on younger more naive women who will accept them. Also young women (and men) are attractive and nice to look at. Admittedly I would look at an early 20 something man if he was attractive (I’m 35) but wouldn’t ever consider a relationship with someone that young. I imagine there is an element of that with some men also.

A lot of men see women over a certain age as over the hill. When I was 25 I looked younger, even though 25 now seems like a baby to me. A work colleague who was a just a few years older than me (not a looker, an extremely plain man who was not successful with women) used to flirt with me. One day I mentioned I was 25 and he said, I forget you are that age. He muttered under his breath as he walked away "over the hill". Somebody like that who was about 28/29 will grow older but still have the view that 21 is the optimum age for a female to be. That's why you get the fifty year olds who still think they are in with a chance with a teenager, they never grow up and don't see themselves as being older. A dim light and a dusty mirror often helps with that!

Also, a lot of men really dislike women (understatement). They like the sex but they don't want a woman as an equal partner, because in their eyes they are not. A younger woman will be easier to mould into somebody they want.

I think it is different if a 40 year old wants to date a 30 year old. The 30 year old is a fully fledged adult and not so malleable.

Many of these men have very good prospects, good jobs, own homes etc. It's emotional immaturity, shallowness or control issues that push their drive to very young women. Yuck.

I think a lot of men like how easy it is to impress younger women, too - I mean, look at this thread: 'I liked that they had a job and didn't live with their parents'. I see how that's impressive to a teenager, but it's pretty bare minimum for an adult, isn't it? No woman their own age is going to be bowled over by it. It reminds me when you're 16 and a 17 year old who can drive is the height of impressive/desirable. If you've got to 40 and your driving licence is still how you wow potential dates, though, you've not done so well...

I (female) started dating my DP when he was 19 and I was 29. We've been together 25 years. Is this, in your view, as bad OP?