I dont think you are subservient.
I do think, as I said before, you aren't as mature as you think you are. That creates a power imblalance. That doesnt mean there is abuse. But its daft to pretend it doesn't happen.
Many men, for example, who are high earners have potential to be financially abusive. Many men who are not higher earners have that potential too potential too. Being the higher earner doesn't equal financial abuse. Just like an age gap doesnt automatically equal abuse either. Which people have said over and over.
I think most of us go through a stage where we think partriachy doesn't really exist. Or at least its doesnt impact me.That the way society is set up, doesn't impact choices we make. Doesnt impact subconscious choices. But having lived more years, you start to recognise it.
Especially if you have a daughter and see the daughter grow up, watching as an adult. You see things you didn't, when you were seeing similar situations as a child.
Being aware of it actually makes you more confident, not scared or hysterical. It makes you more aware of how to deal with situations, subtext, understanding people. I have a girl and and boy. My son growing up showed me another point of view. Such as him coming home from school asking why x at school said girls shouldn't do y hobby.
Realising that actually, despite me bringing him up that boys and girls can both do what they want, outside (society) will impact his view, regarding gender sterotypes in a very strong and real way and I needed to step it up.
I dont think anyone has said your particular dp is abusive or creepy.
If a university is running a campaign on something, its suggests there is an issue. And there is an issue in the work place. Its not uncommon to get young attractive staff in, who are either sexually harrased or get into a relationship with a much older, more senior man.
Taking out the secure harassment situations (though even when its secual harrarsment the following often happens) guess what? it rarely impacts the man's reputation at work. But it does impact the womans. The reason these men pursue the new attractive, often young woman, who is below him on an org chart is because of the power over her. And because he wants to be the one telling his work mates he shagged her.
The power of his position and experience in the work place and his seniority are all there for him to hold over her. In 18 years working in in various offices I have seen it happen about 30 times. I would say at least half of these have involved horrific cohersive control. By holding the womans job, career and financial security over her.
Its a problem because it impacts womens careers. This happens because of the way society is set up. Not because the men really like the quality of her eggs.
And honestly, even if the 2 people would have a very happy relationship, these relationships are rarely a good idea. Because again, the womans career will start with 'she shagged her way to a promotion'. Any achievements will be down to who she is with. The ideal would be one of them to seek employment elsewhere, before have an official public relationship.
The problem is that you look at your situation and assume women don't like it because we want that man to find us attractive. We don't. The confidence to shut down attention, makes my life better.
If I see an attractive man walking down the street with a woman who is very obviously bame, i dont try and apportion blame to him. Or feel life is unfair because he is attracted to that Bame woman. I technically bame, but most people assume I am white but of Italian or Spanish decent.
A man being with a woman who is clearly bame isn't an issue for me. Theres no 'it should have been me' or 'how dare he'.
We disagree on points. You seem to taking my opinion as something that is personally attacking you and your relationship.
Its not. Your relarionshop may well be happy and healthy and that's great. That doesnt mean I would be concerned if my 25 year old best friend met a man of 40. Over time my opinion of their relationship may change by observing it. But yes I would be concerned. If you qre so confident in your relationship, I am not sure why it bothers you.
Theres lot of people who don't like my relationship with dp. But, thats not my problem. I am happy with it. Thats it. My very religious family werent happy about the divorce, werent happy about me dating before I was divorced. I didn't give one fuck. I am happy and I am sure of the situation. Thats all I need.