Nanny keeps bringing her children!

[Mella91]

Our nanny is amazing with DS. She loves him and treats him just as well and sensitive as I treat him. However she always brings her children with her and its really starting to stress me.

When we first hired her I told her in no way at all did I want her children around (this was the case with our previous babysitter) she agreed. Her first week in her son came once a week. 4 months down her children are always around and I am so angry with myself for letting this go on for so long. I am a very quite shy and even 'weak' person. I hate confrontations and arguments. DH is starting to get really annoyed with me and just wants me to tell her to stop bringing her children.

How can I nicely tell her to stop bringing her children round

[Samtsirch]

You are paying her to look after her own children in your home using your facilities.
If you want to continue to allow this, there should be a discussion about reducing her pay on the days her children are present.

[SpeckledyHen]

I would give her a pay rise ( to buy snacks ) and ask her not to bring her kids any more .

[MarshaBradyo]

It’s annoying when men think speaking to the nanny us always the woman’s job.

I’d say yes it’s true I always do it. You can do it this time. Or together.

[Comefromaway]

That’s absolutely not on. Is her 16 year old DBS checked? If she was a childminder they would have to be.

Why does she get to bring her kids round when your own kids can’t get to see their own extended family or friends?

Tell her it has to stop now.

[MyOwnSummer]

Jesus christ.

I don't think its ok for your DH to boss you around, but at the same time I am in agreement with him. I'm honestly not wishing to be mean but you are being very passive. Infuriatingly so - this is true CF material.

The solution is for both of you to speak to her in person, together. It is a straight choice between leaving the kids at home or finding a new job. Tell her to pick one.

[LizzieLoafer]

Bloodyhell OP your cleaner slagged you off and now your nanny is taking the piss.

You really need to get some counseling or learn to be assertive in your own home.

You can't be such a doormat.

[lyralalala]

She's taking the piss. Nannies who bring their own child/ren get paid less than Nannies who don't.

I would find a new nanny. She clearly has no regard for what you said as she's been ignoring it since day one, that won't change.

[Winterlife]

You need to terminate her. She will resent you telling her not to bring her children. I wouldn't leave my non verbal child with a nanny after I told her that her children are not welcome in my home, unreasonable as the nanny is being.

[SnoozyLou]

Get DH to have it out with her.

[Thatnameistaken]

So the nanny's kids are having a whale of a time using your amenities, helping themselves to your food, lounging around on your furniture and you're paying her for the privilege?
She's onto a really good thing there!

[Ontheboardwalk]

I thought she was going to be struggling with her own childcare but 16 and 13 that’s a nope

You and your DH sit her down together and say it’s not the arrangement up you agreed. Asking PP asking about her insurance is another good idea

I can’t believe they are eating your food, she's totally over stepped the mark

[SunshineCake]

Your husband isn't being very supportive or kind to you. He's weak as well as you.

Text her now. Tell her the children are not to come again. Be prepared for her to leave but you can't have it both ways.

I used to be a nanny and lots of things went by the by as both sides got to know each other but I would never take the piss.

[Lweji]

Start finding a new nanny. It looks like she will always push it.

Or make it clear that if her teens tag along one more time, she won't even be allowed through the front door.

[Oly4]

You or your DH need to sort this out ASAP. Tell her that you are very happy wit the way she cares for your son but you don’t want her to bring her children to work. Tell her it’s up to her but those are the rules.
I’d be livid personally. She is taking advantage of you and you’re letting her.
Or get DH to do it!

[ToothFairyNemesis]

I am struggling to understand why she can’t afford WiFi or snacks for her dc. Are you paying her a proper salary?

[forsucksfake]

Find a new nanny. This person is not professional or even a decent human being.

I have faced a similar situation with a cleaner and it just got worse, even after talking to her. Her family then started "dropping by" when we were out. Theft happened. It eventually got really ugly.

Your son will bond with another nanny. Simplify your life and get rid of her.

[Giganticshark]

Thing is, she's an absolute shit nanny.

She can't even adhere to the most basic safeguarding.
Fuck her off and hire someone professional

[lockdownstress]

FFS. You are an employer. Act like one. I'm sorry, but if you behave like a doormat you will be treated like one. Be prepared for her to leave so decide whether it's a fight you want to pick at the moment...........

[Giganticshark]

Don't make excuses about home insurance or DBS checks. Just be straight.
Was she hired through an agency?

[SnoozyLou]

When I first read your post, I thought, if I were in your position, I would be glad of the interaction for my son. But given that he’s 14 months and they are teenagers, it is hard to see what he’s getting out of this, and it doesn’t sound like she’s having problems because of lockdown. It sounds like she’s just taking the mick. I would sack her, but I’d get DH to do it.

[Rainycloudyday]

I’m sorry to be blunt but you are being a complete doormat. She couldn’t be taking the piss more if she opened your drawers and openly filled her handbag with your stuff at the end of each day. If you are unable to even speak to her about this then sorry but I really don’t think you’re capable of employing someone

[Rainycloudyday]

And if nothing else motivates you to stand up to this, what about your child’s safety?! Having older teens around him, plus who knows who else is being brought into your home...it’s really not ok. You need to think of it from that perspective, find your assertiveness and tell her in no uncertain terms that this frankly ridiculous situation ends with immediate effect.

[TangibleTuTu]

I am in Brit in the US. I forgot how apologetic Brits can be about everything, such as trying to think of ways to make excuses such as blame it on the insurance. If you are a coward just compose a polite email. Just say you are reinforcing what you agreed to when she took the job and that is she is not to bring the children to your home any more. It her workplace, she wouldn't dream of taking them to any other kind of job. It sounds like you think she's wonderful at her job, she is just a CF. You have to grow a backbone, tell her you think she is great at her job but she can't bring her children. Please don't apologize 100 times when you see her either. You have nothing to apologize for. Please toughen up now or your kids will walk all over you!

It would be ridiculous to go to all the trouble of replacing her if you think she is a good nanny, all because you are too scared to reinforce the working conditions. You could find your next nanny is worse! Just bite the bullet and woman up.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Gosh these threads crop up from time to time. Getting a cf nanny to change normally doesn’t seem to work. I would not want her looking after my dcs when she’s shown such poor judgment and gone against your agreement

[highmarkingsnowbile]

You and he will eternally be mugged off because you're doormats. You will not do a thing about this so she'll keep ripping hte piss out of you.