Nanny keeps bringing her children!

[Mella91]

Our nanny is amazing with DS. She loves him and treats him just as well and sensitive as I treat him. However she always brings her children with her and its really starting to stress me.

When we first hired her I told her in no way at all did I want her children around (this was the case with our previous babysitter) she agreed. Her first week in her son came once a week. 4 months down her children are always around and I am so angry with myself for letting this go on for so long. I am a very quite shy and even 'weak' person. I hate confrontations and arguments. DH is starting to get really annoyed with me and just wants me to tell her to stop bringing her children.

How can I nicely tell her to stop bringing her children round

[user1486131602]

If you are uncomfortable with the confronts message her, then you both have a copy of what has been said.
You employ her. She has right to bring her children to enjoy’ your house....it’s not an amusement park, it’s your home!
Good luck

[Barryisland]

Get a new nanny. There will be other good ones out there that dont disrespect their employers wishes.

[Levatrice]

Time for a New nanny. I’ve had nannies trust me I know it’s hard to trust someone but you will find one just as good/better with ds. What’s the alternative; this going on for the next 4 years until he is at school? Nanny’s 19 year old hanging around with his friends for the free WiFi and good? Imagine how much resentment this is going to build up between you and dh never mind you and nanny. This situation WILL exhaust you. Be brave and sort it you’ll be grateful in the long run

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Hi OP.I have been a nanny in the past but once I had children I started childminding and am no working in a preschool.
I was wondering what age the children were as they could be beneficial to your child but now I have read they are teenagers I doubt that. Having said that if I had a nanny job with my 17, 13 and 5 yr old girls now I would hope it would be family orientated and all the children got on (if that ever did happen)
The fact the teenagers are coming and eating snacks etc is out of order. If that was me I would have spoken to you and asked permission for my children to visit too but would provide snacks for them etc.
I think the fact the nanny is so good with your baby is excellent. Maybe you need to set some ground rules....

[CherryStoneTree]

You have to tell her. It’s just weird. I promise there will be other good nannies out there if it doesn’t work out.

[Iflyaway]

You're basically letting a bunch of strangers into your house to take care of your child.....

And you daren't confront them, nor does your husband.

Are you mad??! Your child's safety is paramount. And not being secure about the childminder is the bottom line to protecting them.

Just send her an email that it no longer works for you and ask for the house keys back (or change the locks).

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

I have just seen how old the children are. Yes she is being out of order. I couldnt imagine taking my 13 and 16 yr old to work. Why wouldnt they be better off at home?
OP do you allow nanny to take you DC out?

[Winterlife]

Just send her an email that it no longer works for you and ask for the house keys back (or change the locks).

If the nanny has a key, then definitely change the locks. Who knows how many copies could have been made?

[Notapheasantplucker]

Wow she is an absolute cheeky fucker!
Bringing her own kids round is one thing, but to let her kids friend inside your house too!!??

OP, be blunt with her, tell her she absolutely cannot bring anyone else into your home!

If it was me I would sack her on the spot. I'm actually fuming for you.

I can't believe she has no shame in bringing her kids to doss around in your home and eat a shit tonne of food and use the wifi.

Ffs

[Winterlife]

Remember also, if anyone in your home uses your wifi for an illegal purpose, it can come back to bite you.

In Canada, if someone downloads pirated movies, the owner of the wifi from which it was downloaded is on the hook for the fines, which are significant.

[aiejavah]

Can't imagine someone genuinely letting this happen. Why would you hire someone, tell them you specifically don't want them to do something and then say nothing when they do it. Pull the other one OP!

[StatementKnickers]

The good news is that you don't need to have a "confrontation" with your nanny about this, because it needs to be in writing. Send her an email and ask her to reply to confirm she has received and understood it. You don't need to discuss it face to face at all.

[MintyMabel]

Polite way? “Please don’t bring your children”

[Polkagirls]

I know it’s lockdown at present, but when it ends - how would your nanny take your child to the park, groups, walks etc? Would she be leaving her kids alone in your house?

Perhaps tell her you expect your child to be taken out for a walk on a daily basis weather permitting and you don’t want her children being left alone in your home as you worry that your insurance won’t cover that.

Could you also tell her you need the option to work from home (could you do this??) and need her kids not to be around?

Your son will bond with another nanny- and you and your husband are still his main attachment figures. If you want another nanny- go for it.

[Beautiful3]

I would just explain that you do not want her children in your home. Its in the contract that she signed. If she ignores your rule then you ll have to look for a new nanny.

[Merename]

I find conversations like this difficult too OP, and beating yourself up for being ‘weak’ isn’t going to help. It’s a skill that needs developed/ worked on, and being direct takes practice, is a work in progress for me, but the conversation never tends to go the way you fear in your head.

I’d start with something like “can we talk about something? This isn’t an easy conversation but there’s something bothering me that I need to discuss.” Then get to it - remind her that you’d agreed at the start that she wouldn’t bring her kids, but this is still happening. Ask is there a practical reason they have to come, and when she says no, say that you’d prefer if it was just her. And tell her how happy you are with the relationship she has built up etc.

Don’t give any reasons etc, just keep it brief and state what you want. To someone like you/us that feels cold, but the kindest thing you can do is be really clear. And if she ever breaches this again after you have then she has to go.

[Smithtylater]

13&16....wtf?!

[ceeveebee]

If you are in England I don’t think you are allowed to have them at your house during lockdown - you can have a nanny around but not their children!

[WhitbyGoth]

If you are at home when she brings her children, why do you need a Nanny?

[Qwerty543]

She brings her 13 and 16 year old and his mate to your house because they're poor and your house is just so amazing? Yeah Ok then.

[LudaMusser]

Is this a wind up?

She's royally treating you like a mug and abusing your politeness. Free snacks, drink and WiFi, can I come too? Sounds brilliant tbh and I can totally see why her kids are coming round

Give somebody an inch and they'll take a mile goes the saying

Your husband sounds like a wuss. If he had anything about him instead of complaining to you he'd grow a pair of balls and speak to her himself. Show him my post

You need to be very firm with her and tell her that she come on her own from tomorrow or you replace her. Simple as that. Your child may like her but this can't continue. DC will get to like a new nanny eventually too

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I told my nanny many moons ago that I didn’t want her husband visiting her while she was working. Found him hiding in the bushes the next day, waiting till we had left, to go in. Told her again. Came home from work one lunchtime as I was feeling unwell and found both DC, aged 4 and 2, sitting watching daytime tv with the nanny nowhere to be found. She finally emerged from her bedroom (with her husband) 40 minutes later, having either not heard or ignored my calls. I sacked her.

[bevelino]

OP, you need to put a stop to the teens going to your house. As other posters have said your nanny is laughing at you and clearly has no real respect.

[DamnYankee]

She is fantastic with DS (14 months old). He loves her and his eyes shine everytime he sees her
OK - huge positive

just not comfy with teens constantly in my house around my baby
That I don't get. You think they would hurt/assault your baby because they are over 12? Get over that nonsense.

That being said - I would be annoyed by them sucking down your food, drink, and other resources. I think YA(absolutely) NBU by asking her not to bring them.

However, I might consider having them over 1 day a week to help do something else. Pay them a fair wage. A 16-year-old is capable of doing yard work, etc.

[BDDandpregnancydontmix]

she finally emerged from her bedroom (with her husband)

How does that set up work then she was a Live in nanny yet married ? I’ve been heard of that before must be tricky. Can’t believe she left 2 young dc alone 😳