Nanny keeps bringing her children!

[Mella91]

Our nanny is amazing with DS. She loves him and treats him just as well and sensitive as I treat him. However she always brings her children with her and its really starting to stress me.

When we first hired her I told her in no way at all did I want her children around (this was the case with our previous babysitter) she agreed. Her first week in her son came once a week. 4 months down her children are always around and I am so angry with myself for letting this go on for so long. I am a very quite shy and even 'weak' person. I hate confrontations and arguments. DH is starting to get really annoyed with me and just wants me to tell her to stop bringing her children.

How can I nicely tell her to stop bringing her children round

My mum, b1933 rural, poor Devon, found herself, m to dad (not dissimilar background) in East Africa in 1957, dad working for the Crown Agents.

They decided not to take servants. Until both a local white expat if experience and standing, and a local black community leader visited them to tell them that taking local servants was expected of them (as an aside, which will enrage some on MN, the local community wanted to work for, firstly, a) whites, b) Asians (Indians), c) black people, in that order, due to employer 'expectations'.)

So they took servants. Four of them! House servant, garden servant, driver, nanny (ayah).

Mum, child of rural Devon, soon got the hang of it! 😊 the ayah was allowed to bring her daughter (same age as me and my DB) to the house in the mornings; but the DD had to go home ( to her gran, all in the grounds!) for the afternoon. Everyone knew where they stood.

You need to be firm. You can do it. These aren't little kids in lockdown. They're teenagers taking the piss.

Tell the children not to come with their mother to your house. Be sure they understand.
Tell the nanny you have told her children not to come any more , you do not want it and she is now being told that herself again. First though, as the ''confrontation" is worrying you - rehearse what you want to say to nanny and her kids , perhaps in front of mirror, until you are pleased with you performance and word perfect. Then repeat the words you rehearsed to them. Treat it as a ''performance" like in a play - words that must be said firmly. You will feel less worried and emotional about doing it but also be prepared to let nanny leave if she argues and does no accept your wishes

This is absolutely ridiculous.
Why on earth would you allow it?

Ask her to sign a contract which has conditions of employment one being that no one including her children may enter the house with her.
They are teenagers!
Not children!!!!
Also cut her hrs a bit to reestablish your control of the house.
Take a course in assertiveness training!!!

Unlimited snacks And drinks ?
Is there something wrong with the husband that they don’t want to be around him?

Also watch the movie Parasite.

Nanny is playing you for a fool. She is not a nice person disregarding your wishes.

She is playing on your weakness. Sack the cheeky mare.

Give her an official verbal warning .

Agree with everyone else. I had assumed they were little and so not in school & needing to be looked after.
I wouldn't want teenagers in my house eating snacks. It's a bit rude not to ask - my own children ask if they can have food. I wouldn't be happy with people taking food without asking.
I don't know how you broach it tbh - maybe DH could deal with it?

Ask her to sign a contract which has conditions of employment one being that no one including her children may enter the house with her.

How does OP enforce this, assuming she is working? The teens could pop in after OP and her husband are at work, and leave before she returns.

Is this for real?

I don't even help myself to snacks/drinks in my brothers house. How the hell has she come to think that this is acceptable? Even if the kids were allowed? Which you have categorically told her they are not!

Also, practice your assertiveness skills on your husband. Is he mute? Is it not his home and his child too? He's a cheeky sod as well.

So you are paying her AND feeding her kids? Unbelievable

They are taking the piss! Not only are they lounging in your house all day but using your wifi and eating your food?!
Your husband is right, you need to grow a backbone and get her told.

Another who can't believe this is real.

How can two adults be so utterly spineless? None of this ever needed to happen if you had just been clear on your rules the first time she brought her child over.

Have you hired through and agency or do you has the contract been made solely with the nanny? If it’s through the agency can you get some help from them? And if it’s with the nanny do you have a contract you can draw upon?

I was heartbroken when we had to stop using our childminder. My DD had been there from 6 months to 28 months but after taking on two babies within weeks it was apparent my DD couldn’t cope and the CM couldn’t cope. I was scared to break their bond. She started nursery and as difficult as it was and we did have a few tears most days for the first few weeks, I realised after a few weeks she’d not once asked for the CM. I’m not diminishing You’d DC’s bins with the nanny just pointing out they can have just as good a bond with other adults whether they’re family member or a childcare professional

Wtaf OP.

Seems like she should be paying you. Unlimited drinks and wifi for her children? It's like you're running a youth hostel and giving her money to attend.

As a pp has said, I would not be comfortable paying someone to look after my child who has shown such poor judgement and work ethic.

Might take my 15yo to the office when it reopens and he can help himself in the canteen. See how long I get out of that set up.

Another one who can’t believe this is real. I would completely end this dysfunctional arrangement.

I'd tell her that any days she brings her own children you will only pay her half her rate since she's spending at least half her time minding her own children instead of yours (which she was hired to watch).

I dont understand how you, if you are a professional woman with a professional job, needing a nanny while you are both at work, cannot have a perfectly simple and polite conversation with another adult who is your employee!!! What do you do for work? Are you such pushovers there? Just tell her for goodness sake!

Are you for real? Not in,y does she bring her teen children, but they help themselves to your food???
She's probably laughing behind your back every time they go home!
This is what you say. Phone her if you can't face her, and have it written down so you don't forget your words.
"Hi Nanny, I just wanted to say that it's not possible for your children to come to work with you any more. I'll understand if it means you're not able to continue to work, although I'm more than happy with your work"
Then pause and wait for her to speak. If she asks if they can come whilst schools are not yet back, just reiterate that it's not possible. You don't need to give her any reasons. She should be completely embarrassed about her cheeky behaviour!

I think you should find a new nanny. Even if she didn't bring her kids she'd probably take snacks home to them. Seriously I couldn't trust someone like that.

The teens could pop in after OP and her husband are at work, and leave before she returns

Remembering that OP found the son's friend there too, I'd say they already are
At this rate the house could become the local teen hangout place - and all becuse OP doesn't want to point out what was agreed and ask that it be kept to

Please find the confidence to stick up for your child. A non verbal child relies on its parent/parents to speak for them. Put your big girl pants on and terminate her tomorrow. You don’t have to tell her why or you could tell her a lie. Tell her whatever you want but please put a stop to this.

You could try the alternative of switching off the wifi and making sure there are no snacks or drinks available other than tea, coffee and water.

There are many good nannies out there who would be just as good, if no better with your DC. This is too messy to continue now. Once you’re back at work, her children(& their friends) will be back at yours. It’s also probably not the only time the children had their friends over. This is such a big security risk for your family.

I’d be looking for anew nanny as she disrespects you and is taking you for a mug, get rid now before things start going missing .