Nanny keeps bringing her children!

[Mella91]

Our nanny is amazing with DS. She loves him and treats him just as well and sensitive as I treat him. However she always brings her children with her and its really starting to stress me.

When we first hired her I told her in no way at all did I want her children around (this was the case with our previous babysitter) she agreed. Her first week in her son came once a week. 4 months down her children are always around and I am so angry with myself for letting this go on for so long. I am a very quite shy and even 'weak' person. I hate confrontations and arguments. DH is starting to get really annoyed with me and just wants me to tell her to stop bringing her children.

How can I nicely tell her to stop bringing her children round

Even if you speak to her most it doesn’t mean your dh can’t step up for this.

It doesn’t always have to fall to you.

I’m not surprised your husband wants you to tell her - he sounds fed up that you are shying away from it. These teens are just helping themselves to your food?! And having random friends around to your house? Can’t you focus on the risk that is to your baby to psych yourself up? Surely your baby’s safety is enough to give you a push? If not, tell your husband you can’t do - and he must.

My cleaner asked to bring her kids once. I asked her to check what her insurance company said about it and let know their response. She never mentioned it again.

For a start hide all the snacks. But, come on! These teens moving between their home and yours is not even permitted under lockdown rules. Unbelievable behaviour.

OP you need to accept that she may be pissed off with you telling her to leave the kids at home, but ultimately that’s her problem. You are the boss here; if she wants to keep her job she will need to get over it. Worst case you will have a few days of a bad atmosphere but far better that than feeling continuously uncomfortable in your own home because of her children!

Just tell her - rip off the band aid and do it.

Teenagers are expensive to feed! I’m not surprised they are enjoying unlimited snacks at your house.

It seems exceptionally odd that children of that age would even want to go to work with mum all day though - mine wouldn’t! Unless they literally have no WiFi or food at home?

Of course one of you needs to say something OP. You hired one adult nanny, not 3 people!

Do you have a contract? Presumably it's not in there that she is allowed to bring her kids.

So, so bizarre- she is completely taking the piss.

This is gobsmacking

She’s taking advantage massively. You and your husband should use someone who doesn’t do this.
It has to stop and he’s equally as capable as you are of telling her. Don’t let him leave you to be the one dealing with domestic stuff.

There's no right way of asking her to come alone. She's taking the piss. Yes, your son loves her being around and comfortable with her. But. The childminder's children have no need to be there. Just use the easing of lockdown to justify yourself. Im sure her children will be socialising with their friends. Just stress under no circumstance do you want to expose your child to more people than necessary. Its weak but a starting point. Good luck and do it sooner rather than later or you will snap.

You are her employer, just tell her?

What @scottishlass123 said above - practice saying it in the mirror, pick your moment (maybe as she is leaving for the day). Also think about any objections she might make and practice just repeating your position - do not get into a discussion about the kids bringing their own snacks/not causing a problem etc. "I did make it clear at the outset and you agreed. Please dont bring the children to work any more."

I am outraged on your behalf

Your husband could also ‘man up’ and tell her. Or you could tell her together. He sounds sexist to me.

It's not a nanny problem. You're failing to say "No" - and that's the problem.

Jesus. Shes treating you like a complete Mug and not to be too rude , but you are letting her .
Just tell her. It wont stop otherwise!

You have to tell her not to do it ever again I am afraid. It is difficult. We had one after school person who was great but after week 1 she kept sending her fat old mother who did not speak much English and got o n very badly with our twins. At interview she had said if ever I am ill my mother is backup which sounded great but in fact she had a sneaky cunning plan to give the job 100% to her mother - after a few months we had to stop the arrangement entirely.

However with our first daily nanny who stayed 10 years we let her bring her new baby after 5 years and then her second one however even that was not idea as new baby and toddler v looking after our 3/5/7 year olds meant a lot more attention on her babies of course.

If there’s an accident in your house and something gets broken or lost, or someone god forbid got hurt, whose responsibility is it? Whose insurance would be liable, and would they be covered?

It’s a big no from me. Totally unprofessional. Imagine bringing your teenagers into the office to lounge about supine on the furniture, eating the boss’s lunch out of the fridge. It’s exactly the same!

I disagree Bertieslanding. The nanny caused the problem by doing something unprofessional and unusual which puts the OP in an awkward situation that she never asked to be in.

OP you cannot let people walk all over your boundaries.. she was told at interview No Kids..

You will feel so much better telling her this stops now.. C19 is your reasoning and stick with this...

good luck

Why can’t your husband speak to her, why is it your job?

One of you needs to say having the older children In your home isn’t working for you, you were clear at the outset you didn’t want this, and it has to stop now.

No debate, no discussion.

And it’s lockdown right now. What on earth is she thinking, just casually mixing households like this?

Is she cheap? Why the hell would you put up with this?

Just say or message/email her along the lines of this...

Nanny, I just want you know how happy I am with the care you’ve provided our child for the past .... months. However, Ive been meaning to say for some time that I don’t think it’s appropriate that you’re bringing your children to work with you and it’s something we discussed at the outset and you agreed.... and then add something nice at the end again. Bit like a shit sandwich!

Could you use your house insurance as an excuse to bring it up before saying you’d prefer her children not to come anyway?