Found BF back on dating site need to be sneaky!

[Whatalife14]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Everything was great or so I thought. I had a gut feeling just to check he wasn’t on the site we met. Well there he was username changed but definitely him. I’m heartbroken devastated. We had a talk about the site and how we haven’t been on since we met just this past week. So to have him lie to my face makes me so mad and disappointed. He has just met my children after a year of dating because I was certain this was it. I want to just call him but I don’t want him to twist it and know I was on there. I have trusted him this whole time, I’m not sure what made me look. Has anyone any ideas about how I can call him out sneakily. I think I’m prolonging the fact I need to end this just hurts to know I’ve been used and we were a lie.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your replies. I have blocked and unblocked him so many times. Wondering if I’ve missed a message or call from him. He continues to message my fake profile. I haven’t even messaged back from the last five messages he’s sent. I want revenge, I want him to feel like an idiot like I do. I think I want to arrange a date and of course not go just let him be there like an idiot waiting. Is that mean. I want to move on but think revenge might help me?

I dont think I'd go through with organising a meet up. Does he have pics up? You could say you just weren't attracted to him. That would hurt if that's what you want.

If he diesnt have any up you could ask for one and say the same thing.

Go for it. It's better to be angry than sad at this stage. Then move on feeling you've got one up on him. 🦾

Revenge won't help. It just keeps you focussing on him and the relationship. Best to block him and try and focus in the next stage of your life. It's really hard but best to make a clean break.

When they go low, we go high.

Stay classy, OP. Revenge will make you feel better for about 5 minutes and then you'll feel silly. It won't turn into one of the things you'll be proud of.

What is actually happening is you're struggling to let go emotionally and want to make him upset so you're not the only one feeling sad right now. This won't work with someone like him.

Be an adult, move on and build up your strength to do so relying on your own self-worth, not on anything remotely related to him. He's not worth you thinking about him for another minute, not to mention arranging the whole plot to meet up etc. You're wasting your time and your thoughts on someone who isn't worth it. Move on.

You're stuck on him, OP. He's fucked you over and it's awful. But revenge and continuing to message him aren't helping. You need to be strong, block him permanently and have some healing time.

I know it's not easy, I've been in your shoes and have the emotional scars. But you'll get there.

Are you sure it’s not a catfish that’s stolen his pic!? It’s defo him? Ask him stuff that you know the answer to to make sure. Like do you have tattoos and he answers with the truth about his tatts. Or something you know specifically that nobody else could happen to give the same answer?

The best way to stop yourself continuing to play into the game is to know that if he was to find out it was you (and he may well do) you are giving him the PERFECT ammunition to say "see, she's mental! And she wonders why I wasn't happy with her.." etc

I am NOT saying that's right. Let me be clear you aren't mental and he is a cunt. But you'd be giving him the perfect excuse to take even less accountability.

Indifference is the best revenge so you need to stop letting him still keep taking up so much headspace and stealing time from you.

I am worried that if you confront him, he'll go down the 'it's a fake profile' route and say someone else has used his photo, just as easily as you have. I know it's nonsense but I think he will say this. So, I would ask him a question to which the answer will definitely confirm it's him. I'm just thinking of your own peace of mind here X

DON'T confront him!!

As things stand at the moment if you just fade away, when he's lying awake at night a voice might pop in to his head to whisper that he fucked up by cheating.

If you confront him online he will just believe that you're the cheater, that you never deserved fidelity. He will completely focus on how you were cheating on him and how you were craaaaaazy and bitter and set out to trap him and humiliate him.

He will chalk you down as the crazy bitter cheater if you do this.

Fade away. Drop the rope.

But you'd be giving him the perfect excuse to take even less accountability.

ABSOLUTELY this.

OP he has shown you who he is.... accept it

Anger is natural, and it takes time to process these things. Do what you wanna do, whatever it is.

Maybe get the fake woman to message to say she finds him really ugly, plus someone told her he was shit in bed with a really small cock.

If he's on Kik he could be hunting on all sorts of websites, so your fake profile could just be one line of supply he is feeling out. He probably messages lots of different women in the hopes one of them will give him sex. He is vile. Block him and think of something else. I know it's easier said than done but you need to go through this painful bit before you come out stronger the other end. My XH used Kik behind my back and he had lots and lots of contacts for hook ups on there, noone was special, it was sex he was after. He is now back online dating, it's a hunting ground for some men

I haven’t messaged him today, not as myself or the fake profile. I haven’t unblocked him either. I am moving on. The good thing with age is that I know I won’t feel like this forever. I will eventually laugh at this, cringe when I look back at him and be happy again. Now if time would hurry up that would be great. I know I’ll still cry and feel alone but it’s better it happened now that I found out then when we moved in together. I just feel like such a fool. He deserves an Oscar for his amazing acting ability.

Good for you, you will move on op and your right better you found out now than further down the line. Just out of interest was there something doubting you about him that made you question to look on the dating platform again or was you just curious for your peace of mind?

Stay strong and move forward. He knows that you rumbled him and that you’re aware he is a faithless liar. Thank goodness that you discovered his lack of integrity before your children became involved and attached.

I'm really impressed you managed not to blurt out "Hahahaha! Single 4 months?! 4 hours more like! LIAR!"

@Crystalspider I had a weird gut feeling that’s all I could explain it as. When I was scrolling through the profiles I just knew I’d find him. I know that seems crazy but my heart was beating. He himself gave me no reason to look. He was so adamant that he had come off of it as well. Said he couldn’t do that to me 🙄. @Dougalthesyrianhamster so many times I wanted to blurt out “no you don’t you liar” or “Gym regularly ha driving past it everyday to work doesn’t bloody count”.

I would have to say something and I'll tell you why. If you make it seem like you just went off him, he'll be thinking he was "right" to keep on looking as you were going to dump him anyway. His shitty behaviour will be reinforced in his mind as being perfectly acceptable. Whereas if you let it be known why you've ended it, he will then feel some regret/guilt. He will also feel embarrassed if you say something like the gym line He needs to feel these things, otherwise he's being let off free and clear. I'm a firm believer that in life we need to face the consequences of our actions. How is letting him get away with it better for you or him? It leaves you feeling cheated and reinforces dickish behaviour in him. I would say something like the gym line then block. I'm not encouraging entering into any kind of dialogue with him but you should have your say.

100% what @Meruem said

I think I would send him a message from your fake profile to this thread. With lots of ????????????

I'm sorry you are feeling crap OP.
It's horrible right now.
But it will get better.
Hard as it is, try to keep him blocked!!!!
Have lots of calls with family and friends if you can.

A MILLION percent what @Meruem said!!