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Original poster

Found BF back on dating site need to be sneaky!

198 replies

Whatalife14 · 25/05/2020 20:51

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Everything was great or so I thought. I had a gut feeling just to check he wasn’t on the site we met. Well there he was username changed but definitely him. I’m heartbroken devastated. We had a talk about the site and how we haven’t been on since we met just this past week. So to have him lie to my face makes me so mad and disappointed. He has just met my children after a year of dating because I was certain this was it. I want to just call him but I don’t want him to twist it and know I was on there. I have trusted him this whole time, I’m not sure what made me look. Has anyone any ideas about how I can call him out sneakily. I think I’m prolonging the fact I need to end this just hurts to know I’ve been used and we were a lie.

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 25/05/2020 21:53

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d find a really good character defect that he would hate and dump him for that reason instead. For example, ‘ I’m so sorry but I think we should end things as I’ve realised our conversations are just so uninteresting and I’ve suddenly developed the ick. Once you no longer fancy someone it doesn’t ever improve. Good luck with everything 👍’.

Then I’d block and enjoy him scratching his head and wondering what the fuck happened.

illclapwheniminpressed · 25/05/2020 21:53

Why bother?... Because some people want too. She asked for ideas.

If you are truly going to end it, which honestly you should. He's only going to lie and say what you want him too.

Then set up a profile, when he see it and complains or questions you, send him the screenshots of his profile from before you started yours, from the fake account.

But if you are unsure 😐 then talk to him. But remember that his behaviour is wrong. You could say your friend X is trying out X site. But all she isn't having any luck etc and see if he then confessed his actions before he's caught or delete it his profile

AnnaNimmity · 25/05/2020 22:00

Oh what a bastard. Sorry OP. I think sleep on it for a couple of days and then you'll probably just feel that you can end it without sneakiness. I can see how betrayed you feel if he's met your children. I've been in a similar position.

not the same thing, but I once found an ex on a site a little while after he'd left me for someone else. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him.

conduitoffortune · 25/05/2020 22:01

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d find a really good character defect that he would hate and dump him for that reason instead. For example, ‘ I’m so sorry but I think we should end things as I’ve realised our conversations are just so uninteresting and I’ve suddenly developed the ick. Once you no longer fancy someone it doesn’t ever improve. Good luck with everything 👍’.

This will be so much more effective than dumping him because he's a cheat. Absolutely send him the most cutting message possible and then ghost.

Oopsiedaisyy · 25/05/2020 22:59

I'm sorry, I thought I could get over the size of your penis and the bad sex... But I can't fake any longer.

Good bye...

backseatcookers · 25/05/2020 23:03

This will be so much more effective than dumping him because he's a cheat. Absolutely send him the most cutting message possible and then ghost.

Indifference is the best revenge, not cutting statements.

I would do something like...

"I've been thinking and this relationship just isn't one I'm in for for the long term.
I hope you'll meet someone for you but it definitely isn't me so I wanted to be clear about that so I am being fair to us both.
I don't believe in remaining friends with exes and my mind is made up so there's no need to stay in touch, so I will block you now.
All the best for the future I hope you find what you're looking for - have a good summer, bye."

All true and all over - win win!

MsDogLady · 25/05/2020 23:14

So he is only pretending to be committed/faithful.

I wouldn’t give him the chance to lie and manipulate. I’d say that it’s no longer working for you and then I’d go have an STI test.

Original poster
Whatalife14 · 25/05/2020 23:17

I think I’m going to pull the rug out from under him. Say I’ve gone off him and that I’m just not feeling the attraction anymore. Leave him wondering then block. I’m going to think on it tonight and tomorrow not message him or be blunt when he does, then when he’s at work I’ll do it and turn my phone off. He will hate that. Just hope I don’t break

OP posts:
USirName · 25/05/2020 23:26

Don't break Op, that is a good idea so hang onto it. It really is the best way. Don't say anything else no matter what he says, just end it and be done. Block and move on. Seriously if you get into it about what he has done, you will lose the higher ground and it will get messy. Just concentrate on your kids and move on to better things. Good luck, and come back for support if you ever feel like you might cave. Neither you nor your kids deserve to be stuck with someone who is unfaithful/dishonest.Flowers

OhioOhioOhio · 25/05/2020 23:27

That sounds too complicated. But I do like the ick idea.

notapizzaeater · 25/05/2020 23:30

I'd have always dumped and move on but someone posted today about a 'friend' using a random persons photo on a web site - I know it's unlikely this but I'd still have the doubt on my shoulder unless I'd had it out.

monkeyonthetable · 25/05/2020 23:33

I would ghost someone like this. Stop replying to texts or phone calls. He'll either not mind, in which case you really are well shot of him, or he'll start chasing like mad, in which case, I like PP's suggestion of you saying that you'd had second thoughts and you really want to find someone who wows you, not settle.

NCParanoia · 25/05/2020 23:41

I'm sorry OP, that really shit of him.

I'm not one for playing games as I don't see the point. I would just be straight up. "I had a feeling that something was amiss and sadly I was proved correct and I know you have been using X dating site. The relationship is over, do not get in touch with me."

Lampan · 25/05/2020 23:44

I like your style @sawollya Grin
It gives him less chance to deny or attempt to explain. Less chance for him to say OP is being unstable or unreasonable.
Don’t be surprised if he accuses you of cheating OP. That’ll be his guilty conscience speaking. Deep down he will be feeling insecure and will never know why he wasn’t quite enough for you!

Bunkbedpeople · 25/05/2020 23:47

I’d do what sawollya said. Block him and get ready for dating post lockdown Smile

indemMUND · 25/05/2020 23:56

I'm ridiculously petty so I'd catfish him for absolute proof. Then kick him to the kerb with the expose. No excuses possible.

Josuk · 25/05/2020 23:59

OP - why not be adult about it and have a conversation?
What do you have to lose? And at least you may get some explanation.
A few of my friends have accounts on various sites and do nothing with them. Look in when bored and that’s it.
I have an account on an app. Made it a while ago for curiosity/snooping purposes. It’s free, so it’s there. Never really used it. But sometimes when I am bored I flick though it - and in lockdown it happened a few times.
Doesn’t go any further than that.

All I am saying - before you make your move - at least try talking? You have dated him for a while and we’re gonna live together. Isn’t it worth a little effort?

Misskg1982 · 25/05/2020 23:59

Don't break, trust is huge in a relationship and now his broken that you will forever be second guessing. Even if he were to change you will always have that in the back of your mind.
I agree with NCParanoia, be straight up. Gut instinct, I knew something was up I checked and sadly I was right. So sorry huni, stay strong x

Nosurveysneeded · 26/05/2020 00:08

Why sneakily?

Don't sink to his level, just end it and move on and when ready find someone better. There are lot of men/women like him...not worth the time of day

SeasOfChange · 26/05/2020 00:12

this is very sad, the same thing happened to me a long time ago.

its always so much harder when you do nothing wrong but then are hit with something like this and have to make a decision that, even though right, will cause you a lot of personal hurt.

all i can say is that its best to find out sooner than to continue as ultimately so much damage can be done by someone who could act in such a way.

all the best, dont waste time on people who can lie and deceive, it just holds you away from meeting others who are genuine and decent. After finally leaving my cheating ex, I found someone who was honest and capable and I am relieved I didnt spend any more of my time on someone whose incapable.

BumbleBeee69 · 26/05/2020 00:13

OP.. you got this.. you know he's not being faithful.. tell him in no uncertain terms there is no trust... the end Flowers

Maria53 · 26/05/2020 00:39

Sneaky for what reason. Simply leave him. I have been through this and it will not get better, this is who he is.

Ariela · 26/05/2020 01:04

So....you've created a fake profile and gone to check if HE has a profile...

I wonder if he created a fake profile to check if YOU still had a profile?

FlyingTinOfBeans · 26/05/2020 01:40

@Ariela that's actually a good point. However, why a different username? Why a real pic? Do dating websites display when the profile was created?

ilikemethewayiam · 26/05/2020 01:53

I like your idea of pulling the rug from under his feet! You don’t need a reason but if you do then say It’s just Not working for me anymore or I don’t fancy you anymore. It’s over and I don’t want to stay friends or be in touch. Bye

Keep it short and sweet. He’s lied through his teeth. He’s playing you. He was planning to carry on a relationship with you and other women at the same time. He clearly doesn’t see a future with you if he is still looking! You’d no doubt be getting dumped further down the road when he found “someone better’. You owe him NOTHING! Slimey Lying bastard.