Found BF back on dating site need to be sneaky!

[Whatalife14]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Everything was great or so I thought. I had a gut feeling just to check he wasn’t on the site we met. Well there he was username changed but definitely him. I’m heartbroken devastated. We had a talk about the site and how we haven’t been on since we met just this past week. So to have him lie to my face makes me so mad and disappointed. He has just met my children after a year of dating because I was certain this was it. I want to just call him but I don’t want him to twist it and know I was on there. I have trusted him this whole time, I’m not sure what made me look. Has anyone any ideas about how I can call him out sneakily. I think I’m prolonging the fact I need to end this just hurts to know I’ve been used and we were a lie.

The relationship has run it’s course either way - there’s no trust and if the guy comes up with the “I was just there to look and didn’t meet anyone” line then what’s the OP to do?

Best to just detach/block/get rid of ASAP because that will speed up the moving on process.

When I look back on my dating experiences the times I’ve let bad people/interactions “linger on” have been the times I somewhat regret.

Even if op needs a couple months to chill and emotionally recover and watch tv before getting back into dating, it’s better than having some weird ongoing cat and mouse online drama.

I like the idea of not telling him why, just say you’re not feeling it. Or that you hoped him meeting your children would be a step forward, but they thought he was a bit weird and creepy so you’re ending it

Just why bother with someone, who has no respect for you, is unreliable and unfair to you, and lies to you. Just one of those things is bad enough, but a whole list of things, should make you see his true colours.

Message him on the fake account. See if he replies
X

Yes message him on the dating site as another woman . Once the jerk replies and gives his sleazy lines ... casually mention how you have a friend ‘insert your name ‘ and she happens to be dating a guys who looks just like him . Tell him it’s uncanny and you just sent her the picture to have a laugh over the resemblance !!!

I can’t sleep and tempted to message him as my fake profile persona, but what will that prove? It’s definitely him all that has changed is his username. Description is still the same. What makes it worse is that he sent me the email showing me he had discontinued his membership so he has purposely restarted it up. I’m in two minds what to do. I want to block him and never speak to him again, tell him I don’t find him attractive anymore (that would really hurt him) or talk to him through the fake account and out him, but that might be petty. Why do people do this, honestly what is the point, why waste my time.

I'm all for being honest about the reason, not ghost him or say it's because you don't fancy him any more.

Why give him an excuse to think 'women are bitches' and carry on behaving badly towards them?

I would screen shot the profile and send that to him with 'goodbye' and then block him.

Yeag. Do that.

I was going to ask if the profile was old but if it said active within 24hrs then no proof needed. Screen shot that page showing it says active.
Also setup a fake profile if get a friend to do it and message him if you feel you need further proof.

If it was me, I’d screenshot his profile, send it to him, not say a word but just block. There aren’t any words are there. It’s more effective to say nothing. Or keep it simple “you really are a loser” don’t go into a massive rant. Just one line is enough.

Whatalife14 I think you should be the bigger/better person and be honest with him, otherwise you are stooping to his level. In saying that, I would reply from your dating site profile with a short, succinct message, then block on everything.

Once he realises the message is through the dating site I guess he won't ask too many questions anyway because he's been caught red-handed.

Don't apologise (as suggested) because you haven't done anything wrong...so why apologise?

Hold your head high and don't get drawn into conversation if he contacts you. Wishing you all the best and remember you've done nothing wrong, he's shown his true colours and told you who he is....listen to him!

He clearly hinks he has pulled the wool over your eyes. I'd tell him his behaviour has been suspect and you confirmed your suspicions and found him on there. I'd then cut him totally out my life.

It was a blessing you found this now so you can move on with your life.

@FlyingTinofBeans
Ariela that's actually a good point. However, why a different username? Why a real pic? Do dating websites display when the profile was created?

Different username because he is checking on her. Real pic quicker - is it poor quality and maybe not so very like himself?
I'd be interested to know how long he's been on there too.

Maybe fake profile could contact fake profile and see if there is a response?

although frankly if no trust and he's checking on her, he is as bad as she is - a relationship needs to be built on trust

If you confront him he will say it’s an old account and he had two for some reason. If you message him and he replies then you confront him he will say he was using it as an ego boost and he never would have acted on it. If you arrange to meet and see if he goes through with it you will loose months of your life to this bollocks. Do as previous posters advise, short dismissive msg then block.

So sorry OP.
I would also just send quick message.
'Not feeling the spark. The attraction has gone for me. All the best'
Then block him on everything.

Don’t play games with the fake account OP. As you said it’s petty. It’s coming down to his level and it doesn’t prove anything as You know the truth now, just end it swiftly with dignity.

Why would you keep a dating app for 'curiosity purposes' ?

Remember Michelle Obama "when they go low we go high". Keep your dignity just end it. No games etc your worth more than that.

Hell yeah.. message him on the Dating app.. might as well get the full picture OP..

I created a fake profile as I had a feeling my partner at the time was back on it. There he was (I saw him on a colleagues Tinder profile whilst we were swiping one dinner time). Apparantely, he was just trying to boost his confidence! He tried to wriggle out of it. But I dumped him.
But the whole point is that you didn't trust him, which is a deal breaker in itself.

You OK OP?

He'll feel justified if you do that OP and he will tell future dates that he split up with you because YOU were on line.

Don't message him!

If he’s the sort to break lockdown then I would expect this kind of thing

Why did you put everyone at risk 3 weeks ago?

How recent are the photos? That would be the defining thing for me.

And does it say when he joined?