If you're ok with porn....can you please not be

[yesterdaystotalsteps123]

So many people reply to messages on here about porn with"I'm ok with porn" can you please look at Rose Kalemba's fight to get her rape and torture removed from PornHub. This is what modern porn is. Stop being ok with it. And it's been going on for years because Traci Lords was underage back in the 70s/80s. Someone's right to masturbate shouldn't come before human trafficking and some people on here are part of the problem with their"porn is ok" stance. It's time to realise that unfortunately it's really not ok

You can see the harm porn has caused with all the sneering about being "vanilla".

It's just an updated version of that misogynist insult of prude.

Depressing how it's ok to watch porn if maybe, possibly the actresses haven't raped. What a pitifully low bar.

Thinking porn is desirable or necessary for a healthy sex life is a common way of thinking on here
You’re not right and everyone else is wrong no matter what you think. Everyone can have an opinion on whether porn is desirable. If it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be so popular. It’s not essential for a healthy sex life but it can be part of it if it’s not on an addiction level. Many many many many people view porn and are able to still understand the differences between real life and porn.
Attitudes like yours need challenging. Porn is unhealthy and part of an unhealthy attitude to sex
Says who? If you don’t like it then don’t watch it but to make sweeping statements about how it’s unhealthy and damaging is a bit OTT.

So are sexualized images of wholly or partially naked people (e.g. strip show or Playboy) not porn then? This discussion is all about recordings of sex, such the above examples don't include.

I also read the thread where someone was getting criticised for paying for porn because "he could have got it for free". All other things aside, I would say it's better that porn performers get paid for their work, and aren't undercut by big free sites like Pornhub.

@tarasmalatarocks raises an interesting point. Is there a generation divide? Perhaps this is less about men vs women, and more about older vs younger...

Younger men have grown up where feminism is well established, older men perhaps not so. I don't know of any friends who wouldn't take 'vanilla' sex over porn any day...

@Vretz are you saying that your friends would rather watch porn than have vanilla sex?

@Coffeeandbeans I read it as the opposite

@Coffeeandbeans wouldnt take. You've misread. They prefer vanilla sex to porn. Jasmineben is correct.

Nothing wrong with my attitude. You don't like porn, I get it. You think every single person on there has been forced or abused or raped and that's up to you. However just because you believe it's true doesn't mean it is true.
There are some very mild films which hardly feature sex at all, you are using the extreme examples to try and say anyone who likes porn has,a problem.
It's interesting you know so much about it but are apparently opposed to ir.
By the way a lot of the more extreme porn isn't even available in the UK, its illegal, even if it's consensual.

Thank you - always have problems with double negatives.

That gives me hope.

@Rosebel I know so much about it, not really, but I had a husband who searched things like"petite bitch gets gang banged" and I find the descriptions deeply abusive towards women. It's always made me uneasy, coming on Mumsnet I was surprised at the "I'm ok with porn" and the man's right to masturbate trumps exploiting women in porn and then the wider issue of how it impacts families. Then I read Rose Kalemba's story on Twitter and was outraged. If you use porn you are not healthy you are part of the problem. She was tortured and gang raped. It might be an extreme example or an unusual example, but it isn't is it. Rtft women in porn have been abused for decades and it's not getting any better

I give up. Think what you like

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 then surely the issue is porn that is criminal in nature I.e rape? I think the vast majority of average porn watchers will agree that cases like you mentioned are sickening and wrong. Where people are disagreeing with you is where you make out like all porn is extreme, criminal in nature, unhealthy and wrong when the vast majority of adults who watch porn use it reasonably and are able to do so without it causing issues for them.
The real dangerous people and users of porn who enjoy very extreme very concerning types of porn won’t be using mainstream sites like pornhub, they’ll be using the dark web because as a PP said, a lot of porn is illegal. Yes pornhub might have its issues, the occasional controversy and slightly questionable descriptions on some videos but as I said, the vast majority of people can understand that it’s not real life so why should they be tarnished with the same brush

Let's ban sex and abortions too because sometimes women are forced into it.

There are women who manage their own porn, making a full time salary, and advertise on Twitter. There are paid porn sites which are ethical and safe. There are porn stars making millions. There are amateur couples who make their own videos. Harmful videos are removed when they are reported (and even without porn sites, revenge porn would still exist)

If you don't like it, don't watch it

You think every single person on there has been forced or abused or raped and that's up to you.
Noone thinks that. Some women have been raped and there is no way of telling who those women are. You might be happy supporting an industry where people make profit from filming and sharing abuse of women, I'm not.

That's before you get into the wider problems, such as increasing amounts of young men having erectile dysfunction because they've wired their brains to associate sex with an image on a screen and their hand, rather than a partners body and the sensations of being touched by them.

Or the fact that it is normalising extreme practices to the point teenage girls expect to undertake sex acts they don't enjoy and find painful, and teenage boys expect to coerce them into it.

Porn use is normalised now and presented as harmless when it is far from harmless

@yesterdaystotalsteps123
Is that really your problem?
The fact that sometimes people think they are watching porn and it's actually depicting rape?
Would you be happy if porn production was outlawed, but we still had women selling themselves on camsites and places like onlyfans?

Because that's always going to happen. If you're a moderately attractive young woman it'll get you a lot more money than most entry-level jobs for a lot less work.

@QuentinWinters
By buying clothes you're supporting a market where some factories engage in child exploitation. That's the level of your argument.

The erectile dysfunction thing always gets linked to porn. What's the evidence for that?
Is there a cohort of young men who haven't watched porn who aren't experiencing erectile dysfunction at the same rates.

I'm relatively young, I've had friends with that problem. To me, it sounded like it was more likely to be due to the fact that we've normalised engaging in an extremely intimate and vulnerable physical act with relative strangers (someone you "connected" with on an app and have actually met between 1 and 3 timeat).

Is there a cohort of young men who haven't watched porn who aren't experiencing erectile dysfunction at the same rates
Definitely not what I’ve heard from my friends

Be interesting to see how some of the clearly younger cooler people here feel when they are in their 50s and 60s, post menopausal and have partners sneaking behind their backs watching fit, slim , non wrinkled 25year olds masturbating etc.

This. This exactly.

Be interesting to see how some of the clearly younger cooler people here feel when they are in their 50s and 60s, post menopausal and have partners sneaking behind their backs watching fit, slim , non wrinkled 25year olds masturbating etc
Surely that’s the individual’s prerogative though? That’s like saying ban butlers in the buff and strippers and young attractive models because they might make you feel shit when you’re no longer in your prime

@TheVanguardSix lol sorry to say but hot young slim 25 year old women will always exist whether porn exists or not (which it always will), sorry if that fact makes you feel inadequate.

That’s like saying ban butlers in the buff and strippers and young attractive models because they might make you feel shit when you’re no longer in your prime

It's really not at all like saying that. Not even close. It's really unsettling walking in on your husband wanking to porn when you're nursing a baby or dealing with a prolapsed peace of mind or you've had a heart attack or you're going through chemo or maybe none of those things. Maybe it just feels like plain old, straight-up shit for the person in the relationship who has been left behind by porn. If you've been through the experience of porn replacing YOU, it's pretty fucking awful. It's very easy to be supportive of porn when you haven't been replaced by it in a relationship.
It's not necessarily an aging thing. It hurt when I was in my 30s and still had my dancer's body. It does hit you hard when you're middle-aged though because your sexual identity takes a bit of a knock in menopause anyway. To feel unwanted by your partner, and also knowing that your partner with ED can miraculously bash one out to the sight of a bleached arsehole belonging to a 22-year-old, doesn't feel great. Oh but it's ethical because she's 22. He can sleep well at night then. But his wife doesn't. She feels shelved and left behind.

Feel free to try and tell me otherwise though.

Helmlover I don't feel inadequate in the least. But thank you for your pity and apology.

@TheVanguardSix
I do get where you're coming from, but I don't think porn causes those problems, it's a symptom.
Would it feel any better if you knew he was thinking about one of your nieces or some 23 year old in his office when he spanked it?

By buying clothes you're supporting a market where some factories engage in child exploitation.
Sex is not clothes. Womens bodies are not a commodity. Men don't need porn to wank in the same way all humans need food to eat or clothes to wear

By your argument, is it ok that some men watch videos of children being abused? Why is abuse of women ok if abuse of children isn't? Is it acceptable that some underage girls feature in porn, so are in fact children being abused, if most "teen" videos are older women acting?

Anyway, I'm out. Can't argue against cognitive dissonance.