If you're ok with porn....can you please not be

[yesterdaystotalsteps123]

So many people reply to messages on here about porn with"I'm ok with porn" can you please look at Rose Kalemba's fight to get her rape and torture removed from PornHub. This is what modern porn is. Stop being ok with it. And it's been going on for years because Traci Lords was underage back in the 70s/80s. Someone's right to masturbate shouldn't come before human trafficking and some people on here are part of the problem with their"porn is ok" stance. It's time to realise that unfortunately it's really not ok

People crave novelty and because it's "fantasy" end up watching more and more extreme stuff. That then becomes normalised so "vanilla" sex seems boring.

Porn has been a factor in increasing participation in heterosexual anal sex, and is associated with painful and coercive experiences for teenage girls

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996

It's not ok. Its changing how people have sex, to the detriment of women

@QuentinWinters believes that all sex should be missionary in the marital bed with the lights off

Thanks for starting this thread OP. It's interesting to see how many women are prepared to minimise or look the other way in response to the obvious harm done by porn. IME some people will often react by minimising even when "real" abuse happens right under their noses. The post about cognitive dissonance was spot on.

Porn is vile and I am so sad for the way it is robbing young people of natural relationships.

Ethical porn? Sounds like something from Dragons Den

Porn is vile and I am so sad for the way it is robbing young people of natural relationships
Just because boyfriends might suggest anal because they’ve seen it in porn, that’s not robbing us of ‘natural’ relationships 😂

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain ‘care’ was probably the wrong word as I do care - I have two sons and defiantly care about them and porn. What I mean is I am more concerned about violence from men on women and the porn industry. I will leave it to men to fight the porn industry about violence to men.

The message is logical and desirable.
The approach however to this by some women to this is where it's going wrong. Whether it's liked or not, men make up about 49% of the population (women are indeed the majority) meaning to eradicate porn, any campaign needs men on side.

All I see is a constant barrage that men are horrible, abusive and our opinions are invalid - because we are men.

You cannot force men to behave as women want, anymore than men have any right to make women behave as they want (which is why feminism is a force for good). That means compromise, and accepting that some men will want things like anal etc from their partner - and that's OK... as long as it is informed and consensual

One of the most disgusting things I've read on here this last week or so, is all the women responding to a poster whose DH had paid for porn.
They are incredulous that anyone would pay for porn, when so much is free.

Where do these people think the money comes from to pay these pornstars?

And more importantly, do they not think they deserve to be paid?

One person has come forward and said she was raped which is awful but there are millions of videos out there. The majority of
rape scenes are acting like on a soap. You see someone bein raped on TV do you assume it's actually real? Porn is acting. Surely you can see that?
There may be a small minority who use it for unethical reasons but that doesn't mean it's all like that

Porn is acting.
Porn is acting only in the sense the emotions are acted.
The sex is not acted. It would be safer all round if it was.

What’s awful about porn is that a partner cannot compete. Physically the men and women will look better. They will do things you can’t. They will say things you won’t. They can pretend it doesn’t hurt when it does, that’s it’s hot when it’s not, that most women are excited by violent or degrading treatment.

As a woman, you cannot compete with that. The competition is degrading. It’s no longer about you, but the things other people do in porn. That’s why porn addled sex is so dire, and why you really don’t want to have sex with people who use it.

Women have forgotten that they literally do not have to have sex on any terms but their own. You absolutely have control. Or you can give it away to someone else who will definitely have ideas which aren’t yours, that don’t consider you, and are driven by literal wankers.

@LexMitior

Every woman is free to do what she wants in terms of how well she maintains her appearance or what sex acts she's willing to participate in.
Her husband/partner is also free to want more, the same as she is to refuse to indulge him. Of all the arguments, this is the weirdest one.
You think if it wasn't for porn, men wouldn't know that attractive young women who like to give blowjobs exist?

Well we have to disagree. Your argument doesn’t admit any human frailty on a board where there are lots of examples of exactly that.

You are just an example of “pub equality”. The bloke in the corner says, men and women are equal. So I get to say what I want. Porn can be used by everyone. That’s equal.

I think my argument shows that basically porn use cuts against a mutual sexual relationship and says, here’s the standard, we are equal, keep up.

What’s awful about porn is that a partner cannot compete. Physically the men and women will look better. They will do things you can’t. They will say things you won’t. They can pretend it doesn’t hurt when it does, that’s it’s hot when it’s not, that most women are excited by violent or degrading treatment
But you’re assuming that nearly all men aren’t able to see the difference between the way porn stars look and how the average woman looks. A man who has a girlfriend is with her because he finds her attractive. He might also find porn stars attractive but men aren’t brainless idiots- they know it’s surgery and a very strict cosmetic treatment regime for hair removal etc.

As a woman, you cannot compete with that. The competition is degrading. It’s no longer about you, but the things other people do in porn. That’s why porn addled sex is so dire, and why you really don’t want to have sex with people who use it
Is it dire or are you thinking that certain things that you’ve seen/heard or extreme examples aren’t your type of thing? The vast majority of people are perfectly capable of enjoying porn, seeing things they might like, suggesting it to their partner and trying it with consent.

Women have forgotten that they literally do not have to have sex on any terms but their own. You absolutely have control. Or you can give it away to someone else who will definitely have ideas which aren’t yours, that don’t consider you, and are driven by literal wankers
I have control. I have control and a healthy relationship where we both watch porn and we both see things we ask each other to try. It’s entirely consensual. We’re not victims of men who watch porn.

I didn’t say you were a victim of anything.

If you are as you say you are, you have no need of any discussion here. It would be irrelevant to you.

My point is for those who don’t feel that way. That those feelings are valid. That there’s nothing in porn that has to be in your sex life.

@LexMitior looool right ok.

Porn isn't healthy.

@Jasmineben

I guess you only think about yourself. Right? Because that’s how you come across. Young, perhaps?

I would encourage posters who enjoy porn but not exploitation to look at companies like pinklabel, cable girls or numerous others where you can pay for consensual, feminist porn. It does exist but pornhub isn't it!

Why isn't it healthy?

I'm with you all the way, yesterday.

Be interesting to see how some of the clearly younger cooler people here feel when they are in their 50s and 60s, post menopausal and have partners sneaking behind their backs watching fit, slim , non wrinkled 25year olds masturbating etc. Doesn’t matter how high your own self esteem is, I defy most of you not to feel a bit less enamoured of your partner and find it rather seedy

@Rosebel it isn't healthy because it is an industry which abuses and exploits women and children and sometimes men. Thinking porn is desirable or necessary for a healthy sex life is a common way of thinking on here and that is the point of my post. I want to challenge these attitudes about porn, male use of porn, abuse and porn. Like attitudes are changing towards consent and coerced consent, attitudes like yours need challenging. Porn is unhealthy and part of an unhealthy attitude to sex