Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you're ok with porn....can you please not be

245 replies

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 21/05/2020 08:55

So many people reply to messages on here about porn with"I'm ok with porn" can you please look at Rose Kalemba's fight to get her rape and torture removed from PornHub. This is what modern porn is. Stop being ok with it. And it's been going on for years because Traci Lords was underage back in the 70s/80s. Someone's right to masturbate shouldn't come before human trafficking and some people on here are part of the problem with their"porn is ok" stance. It's time to realise that unfortunately it's really not ok

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Bluntness100 · 21/05/2020 12:00

The thing is Bluntness, most sex is not rape whereas most porn IS exploitative

I don’t think that’s true. I think that a large percentage of trafficked and vulnerable people are used for pornographybut this does not equate to most porn being exploitive, I’ve tried googling and I can’t find stats, but it would appear this is the case, most porn is not exploitave, but a large minority is and that minority is made up of a large percentage of the trafficked and vulnerable adults.

If you can post a link to any stats that say most porn is exploitive, then happy to change that view, but I’ve tried googling the various studies and I can’t find anything to support your statement

Opentooffers · 21/05/2020 12:50

I suspect a lot of, if not most women, given the choice, would rather men didn't watch porn, however, the genie is out of the bottle. Too easy to view and now too unrealistic to say, "don't watch it".
So, you have to deal with the world as you find it. Which IMHO means educate your children that porn is nothing like sex in real life, there's a lot of stuff that women wouldn't like on there, it often doesn't show any prep or safety considerations - that's edited out most likely - and it's largely aimed at how men's fantasy of doing it is, rather than taking into account whether it would work to turn a woman on, plus every woman is different so get to know what they like rather than trying to copy.

Beyond that, hopefully, you will end up being intimate with a man who knows the difference between porn and reality and would always chose the latter over the former ideally. If you're with a man who can't understand the difference or prefers the former, or insists on a technique straight out of porn and that does nothing for you, then best to bin, but otherwise it's not a drastic issue. The women might have a good physique, but a lot of the men on there likely do too compared to the porn users, so comparing yourself to the women is pointless. Chris Hemsworth might be someone to ponder over, but it doesn't mean that we like our SO any less for not matching up to his physique.
So, not quite ok with porn, but I accept its there, if you are still treated with respect in real life, that's what counts. That's how I deal with it, works for me.

Sarahlou63 · 21/05/2020 12:57

If watching porn is 'bad' how about reading it? I CBA with watching it (apart from ancient Ben Dover clips) but I like sexstories.com - the nastier the better. Dunno what that says about me...

Skyla2005 · 21/05/2020 13:00

Totally agree with you Really wish it was so normalised in our society today. A lot of it’s violent. All the young boys watching on their phones thinking that is what women like. I worry for my young daughters having boyfriends who have this image as ok

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 21/05/2020 13:03

Totally agree with you OP and your posts too @ItsMsActually

I get so sick with people being so "right on" and accepting everything. I know a lot of relationships that have been negatively effected by porn. Yes, maybe some others are enhanced, bully for them. But it is a moral vacuum that we are being sucked into and people are afraid to say how disgusting it is

CaraDePena · 21/05/2020 13:05

I used to look at porn and mumsnet really opened my eyes to what's wrong with it. You can never be sure if there has been exploitation and porn being so mainstream now IS a problem for society and relationships. I stopped. Cold turkey. It is possible to change your mind about an issue and to change your habits. So I agree with the OP.

Devlesko · 21/05/2020 13:17

ODFOD Daffodil

1235kbm · 21/05/2020 13:24

Please make sure you stop eating prawns. The majority of prawns are fished by slaves, mostly the Rohinga fleeing persecution in Myanmar. They are captured, put on boats and forced to fish prawns for up to four years without seeing land. When they die or are too sick to work, they are thrown overboard.

The Chinese goods you have in your home are made by people, including children, working under very bad conditions with no human rights.

The mineral your electric car, laptop and mobile works with is cobalt which is mined in the Congo using child labour. The country is exploited and kept in perpetual warfare by large businesses keen to exploit their mineral and gold wealth. Rape is rife.

I hope you're not using goods or eating food caught by trafficked people and child labour or those exploited without labour rights.

tarasmalatarocks · 21/05/2020 13:28

I never thought I would have an issue with it but turns out the reality is I do when it’s sneaking around on it. The other thing is I find the fact of the terminology used for women and the acts revolting and the constant popping up of adverts for cam girls, hook up sites and prostitute services really disgusting and a total turn off that this is what your partner is having in front of their eyes every time they go on it. Maybe others don’t care but I found I did

IsolatedIzzy · 21/05/2020 13:33

Sex stories are fine I think - no one is actually harmed in the writing of a story - well not physically!

I used to watch porn years ago but the thought that the woman I'm watching has been trafficked, raped, coerced into it is just unbearable. Add in the humiliation of women included in lots of porn these days, the slapping, spitting, choking - really who wants to watch that!

illclapwheniminpressed · 21/05/2020 13:46

Stop buying clothes from retailers!!! Do you know how many of your 'bargains' are made in sweat shops by under pay women and children!

You can make anything and everything extreme Op.
porn doesn't = Rape

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 21/05/2020 13:46

You crack on, but you have no idea if they were coerced or what the circumstances were behind the porn. Sites clearly do not protect people. The overwhelming majority sentence is bollocks. Porn is known for showing, normalising and glorifying rape, abuse, incest and somewhere along the way people have become ok with this and tell themselves the people they're watching are protected and have a choice

OP posts:
Fizzysours · 21/05/2020 13:50

The average life expectancy for a porn star is mid thirties. If you are ok with it, you will support a child of yours going into it, I presume? Oh wait, no?

Rodehereonthebus · 21/05/2020 13:57

Just because other industries are exploitative doesn't negate the exploitation which occurs in the porn industry, so not sure how the whataboutery is relevant. The harms of the porn industry are fairly self-evident. The benefits? Personal enjoyment for some undoubtedly, but I can't see how this is more important than the serious harms it brings not only to exploited participants as well as the normalisation of sexual practices which harm women.

illclapwheniminpressed · 21/05/2020 14:23

Support my child in porn lol you lot need to check what your own children are doing on social media, also if women feel so concerned about this why don't they direct this to the huge audience who watch porn.
Mainly Men.

And yes it is relevant because you cant be moaning about one thing while allowing abuse and torture to other people to get you discount top!

Too many hypocrites

Fizzysours · 21/05/2020 15:27

Can anyone decipher that please 😂😂

maddy68 · 21/05/2020 15:29

A very good friend of mine has made a good career out of porn. She loves it. She's certainly not exploited in any way.

Fizzysours · 21/05/2020 15:35

@maddy68 op did not say 'nobody ever liked their job in the industry'. Op said that many women are NOT there through choice. And that awful attitudes towards women are perpetuated. It is genuinely fine that your friend works in the industry willingly, but it is irrelevant to Op's points...what is your opinion on those points?

UncleFoster · 21/05/2020 15:51

But how do you know the porn you are watching is ethical? How do you know you arent getting off to someone being raped? To trafficked women? Vunerable women?

Porn hub refuses to remove a video of a woman being raped. I think its highly unlikely this is the only case.

This is without even going into the effect porn has on sex in our society. How things like anal/bdsm become normalised. Teenagers expected to carry out anal leading to anal prolapses etc.

Reading porn is fine. Its fiction, no one is hurt. Its uncomfortable to think yoi are consuming something that harms people, but porn does

Inappropriatefemale · 21/05/2020 15:54

Not all porn is rape and what is the point of getting worked up about things we can’t change, let’s get worked up about things we can change.

I understand that you don’t like it but there are more important things to worry about.

Inappropriatefemale · 21/05/2020 15:55

@maddy68 I’m taking it that your friend loves the money she makes and the freedom that the money allows her rather than loving the actual job?

Helmlover1 · 21/05/2020 16:01

What are people’s opinions of the consenting adults who choose to enter the porn industry? Or would you rather believe they don’t exist?

UncleFoster · 21/05/2020 16:49

@helmlover no one has said they dont exist. But just because some might exist doesnt make it ethical, it doesnt mean you arent watching trafficked women/rape. Just because someone consents doesnt make something okay

It also doesnt negate the affect porn has on how boys and men view sex.

madcatladyforever · 21/05/2020 16:54

There is no such thing as ethical porn ever. The choices you make at 20 are not the choices you make forever but once these are on the internet that's it.
I made some damned stupid choices in my 20's but thank God they weren't on camera.
At 58 I'd hate to have to be haunted by those poor choices for everybody to see.
I'd go as far as to say all filmed sex should be illegal with very harsh penalties.

AnnaNimmity · 21/05/2020 17:07

I agree with @UncleFoster - even if you you're happy that no one is coerced or trafficked etc, the effect of porn on society is horrendous.

violent, degrading, dehumanising, extreme sex is more the norm now. And it's normalised and widely available. i feel really worried for my teenage girls.

and actually, I'm not happy with a woman being reduced to her holes and tits and banged senselessly. It's so dehumanising and objectivising. so no I'm not ok with porn.