Has anyone's partner hit them just the once?

[sn21]

Me and my partner have been together 6 years, we've always had a rocky relationship, however last night we had an argument and he hit me. The argument sort of stopped after that, and I took myself in the bathroom. While he stayed in the bedroom. Long story short he had a panic attack, over what he did and said he couldn't believe what he'd just done and he was really sorry. I've read so many domestic abuse stories, that the physical abuse can come much later, but after 6 years of being with him he has never put a finger on me. I'm not scared of him, I just don't know whether to believe him or not 😔

@sn21 I think you need to start an honest thread "Anyone get strangled twice by their partner and have everything turn out fine?"

Strangulation is one of the biggest predictors that a man will go on to kill a woman. Its taken so seriously as an indicator that it will probably carry its own specific criminal sentence once the new domestic violence bill passes. It is the one act of violence that must never be ignored. If you don't leave there is a good chance that he will kill you. Do it today OP, and don't let him see the kids either. Do whatever it takes to block contact. He is not a good dad he is a shit dad and an evil man. Do it today before you end up dead or social services remove your children.

I got slapped once or twice when we were younger... Some weird early 20s thing i guess... Apparently it was affection?!

Also strangled twice by her... But when you are pushing out a 11lb baby naturally, it's probably a fairly good excuse

If you've always had a rocky relationship and you're only six years in it's not good. You're not likely surely to want to spend the rest of your life with this person or choose them as the father of any DC so get out now. You're just wasting time otherwise.
The hitting would be the final straw. The fact your relationship has been unstable for six years would be enough alone to cut and run.

Strangling you is incredibly dangerous, OP, he could easily kill you without setting out to deliberately do so.

Speak to Women's Aid.

Debts can be written off, credit ratings can be rebuilt, but you can't raise your children if you're dead.

OP please please do this for your children. It’s really hard to change the status quo - much easier to do nothing and hope it will go away. But it won’t go away. You need to be brave now and do the right thing.

Well obviously you are so used to awful, overly dramatic relationships you can't see the wood for the trees, but OBVIOUSLY you have to leave.
The thing is, even if he doesn't kill you, at some point a neighbour or a nursery worker-someone-will report the violence in your household and social services could remove your children from your care because you are not protecting them from it.
He could also turn his abuse on your children. Do you really think he wouldn't? Why? You thought he wouldn't be violent towards you. You were wrong.
Start planning to leave, and do it permanently. Do not put your children through this shit.

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when threads such as this one are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

OP, your update is really terrifying.
He strangled you and hit you. He is not a great dad. He is a abuser. A great dad would never do this to the mother of their children. They would not subject their children to witnessing or being around DV. He is teaching your sons to abuse and your daughters to be abused.

Please, even if you can not do it for yourself, do it for them. You are not only risking them normalising this behaviour, you are risking them losing their mum.

You will find loads of support and practical help here.

Your children are aware of what he is doing. You have no idea of the horrendous mental toll it will be taking on them. Please leave

You are 21? OMG. One of my daughters is the same age and your story terrifies me.
He will kill you if you don't get out. Get in touch with the police and woman's aid.

Long story short he had a panic attack, over what he did and said he couldn't believe what he'd just done and he was really sorry.

Boo hoo. He put on a big drama for you to show you that he's a good guy who happened to hit you, not one of those other guys who are bad hitters.

He is not different. This is exactly what they are all like. Victims of domestic abuse get sucked into a cycle of getting abused, reconciliation, fear and anticipation of the next time, and so on.

I'm so sorry he has abused you. This is who he is - there is no 'just the once'. That Maya Angelou quote is over used but relevant here: when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Everything you say he’s done is what op have mentioned, the pushing, the blocking doorways, not allowing you to leave. Your kids hearts won’t break, but they will when he puts you in hospital or kills you. And the cycle continues-how many of your dc are boys? (Not that only boys smack their partners, but it’s definitely more likely than girls doing it)

My ex used to lose control. He smashed a bowl once to vent his frustration as he was so close to hitting me instead. He was really sorry and replaced it.

Another time, a few years later, he smashed something else. He was really sorry but didn't get around to replacing it.

Another time he put his hands on me - but I did drive him to it because I was being unreasonable... He didn't even apologise after that time.

I should have thrown him out when he smashed the bowl.

Please call the police, please call women’s aid. Please leave.

He will kill you.

And he will also pass on these behaviours to your children, in the same way he learnt them.

OP you are in so much danger, please call women's aid.

You deserve so much better.

OP you are struggling to process this, I understand I have been there too. My relationship was abusive, after the first he went to anger management and for a while made all the gestures of change. Almost imperceivably, over the years the verbal and emotional abuse continued interspersed with kindness. 13 years later, a brutal attack which left me with permanent bite marks on my face. I was so conditioned to it, I did not see what was happening and where it would go. I even considered not pressing charges. Life will be better without him and you will navigate the initial challenges of leaving. My abuser threatened suicide after the attack as he did on other times after abuse. Hard to say but it was just a ploy on his part.

He will kill you. He will hit your babies.

He didn't have a panic attack the first time he strangled you, did he? He didn't get the desired result so he hit you so hard he knocked you off your feet and then strangled you again.

Get your kids. Take birth certificates, photos and their precious toy/cuddle thing. Get out. Go to a refuge.
Your babies are so little that in a few years they won't even remember you living together.
The best time to leave is right now. Today.
Call the police.
Do the freedom program, or the next man will be the same.

He is NOT a great dad.

He’s grown up to be like his shitbag father, yours will grow up to be like him, and you may not even live to see it.

Unless you leave.

o I kept trying to go round him and grab the door handle and he pushed me on the bed and strangled me. he then slapped me across my face and knocked me off my feet

Get the fuck out love.

he engineered this by not giving you space. If someone is really wound up and angry, you give each other space to calm down and then you talk.

He kept on in your face and then he tried to strangle you. And then spit on you.

Get the fuck out now love. Seriously. Call for help; this is really dangerous stuff.