Has anyone's partner hit them just the once?

[sn21]

Me and my partner have been together 6 years, we've always had a rocky relationship, however last night we had an argument and he hit me. The argument sort of stopped after that, and I took myself in the bathroom. While he stayed in the bedroom. Long story short he had a panic attack, over what he did and said he couldn't believe what he'd just done and he was really sorry. I've read so many domestic abuse stories, that the physical abuse can come much later, but after 6 years of being with him he has never put a finger on me. I'm not scared of him, I just don't know whether to believe him or not 😔

@Saltystraw have you read the thread? The OP is at serious risk of being murdered by her DP.

Hi op.
I could’ve written this post myself which is why I felt I had to reply.

My ex did this to me. The first time he broke down and said he didn’t want to be his father and cried so much I believed him. Then it carried on getting worse. He choked me so many times, he’s smashed bottles over my head, head butted me.. the list goes on.
The final straw was when he picked me up by my throat in front of my 5 month old and choked me until I passed out.
I left that night with my little boy.

Please, I beg you, leave. Before he hurts you beyond what you can even imagine.
Run and take those children as far away as you can.
I blamed my ex’s age a lot, we were young (19/20) and ‘immature’. But being immature and young doesn’t give anyone the right to treat another person that way.

You deserve more, I echo what the other ladies have said, he will kill you.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

He is not a great dad and this man could well end up putting you in hospital or the morgue. What about your kids hearts then?. They are in any event not going to say thanks mum to you for staying with him if you were to choose to do that.

Do not protect him here; if anyone needs protecting it is your children and you from this violent individual. Do not keep on using trite sentimentality here (oh it will break the childrens hearts if we were not together)as any sort of a reason to stay either because you cannot and should not ever use them as glue here to bind you and this bloke together. Debt is also no reason to stay with him either; this can be sorted out ultimately even though you think its insurmountable. In this respect I would urge you to contact Stepchange www.stepchange.org/. No obstacle is insurmountable here, none.

Women in poor relationships often write the "good dad" comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. As you have done like so many others before you. Your childhood was not great and this man probably represented a way out of that life but the life you have now is not good either.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. If your children as adults were in a violent and or otherwise abusive relationship would you be telling them to stay too?.

No use being sorry once he has broken her.

He may well be sorry. I’ve a feeling he is more sorry for himself than he is for what he has done.

He strangled her. Aye I’ll bet he is sorry.

This is so upsetting :( you know when you read about these things and you think it doesn't apply to you? Well everyone thinks that. NOBODY thinks it will be them. No one is killed by their partner and thinks it will happen. Your poor children.

You don't want to be another news story.
Please leave at least for them :(

And yes after he kills you he will cry and have a panic attack but will still happen. That's how you have to see it.

Hey another one echoing that once they have done it once ...

An ex of mine hit me for the first time a year in , well pinned me up against a wall and pushed my head into the wall . Cried afterwards blah blah . Like an idiot I stayed thought it was out of character .

It was 2 years later Before he did it again . I Ended up in hospital and needed surgery .

I know it’s hard but honestly I regret not needing it the first time so much

I meant ending it the first time . Don’t know what happened there

This happened to me when I was 20 and he was 21. 3 years in no abuse then he would strangle me and threaten to hit me. He did it twice. I left it went to court and he was charged with two cases of assault as he had text someone what he had done. Otherwise the case wouldn't have gone anywhere and it was awful for months not being believed I thought oh it can't be that bad but it was and happened over night very quickly got worse. He also did the panic attack routine and I remember having to comfort him after the first time.

You need to get out now before it gets worse and social services are involved. You need to do what's best for you and your children.

No words

Please leave
Please leave now
The fact you left out the fact he strangled you twice in the first post, means you are already trying to minimise this.
It’s awful
You are in real danger.

Dear Lord OP.

He tried to strangle you twice.

He's capable of killing you.

Your poor children being rated in such a toxic environment.

Please reach out to Women's Aid.

You should be involving the police.

He knows well what he did is wrong.

That is why he is trying to keep you on side.

He has tried to kill you.

Protect yourself and your children.
He is not a good man, husband or father.

I slapped my wife on the leg once, about 13 years ago. It wasn't hard, but it was out of frustration and anger, and it shocked me that I would do that. She shouted "oy!" at me with a wild glare in her eyes, I'll never forget it. We never reach that level of drama now, one of us always walks away, makes space to calm down, and our life is completely different now anyway. I don't think I could ever do that again, we manage our relationship to make sure of that. I think that's the important thing. If nothing changes of real substance, then sure, it's likely to happen again.

If he had done this in front of your children would you feel differently?

A grown man barricaded you in to a room. Pushed you against the bed; strangled you and when you still didn't do why he asked he slapped you so hard you were knocked off your feet.

This is the stuff that traumatises children for EVER. Believe me; I am one of those children.

The next time it's will happen quicker over something less dramatic and the punishment will be more severe.

You know deep down that this cannot continue.

Please be brave. The money problems can be sorted out. They are short term problems. You will be okay.

In a year from now where do you want to be? X

OP, this breaks my heart. He threatens you, imprisons you and when you fight back suggests that YOU are being violent towards him. He then slaps you and strangles you and still manages to make it all about him and what a scumbag he is.

Please please please leave.

What is your relationship with your Dad and/or Mum now? Clearly he threw you out so he's not a great role model but did he feel this man was not going to treat you right? Do you have friends or family who can help.

I agree, call women's aid. Look into what options there are for you and please go.

He's not a good dad. Good dads don't beat up their children's mother.

Op l second what everyone else has said.
He is not a good dad, he is not a god husband, he is not a good man.
He is a violent wife beater.

Take your poor children and go to the nearest refuge before he kills you.

Do you really want to die and leave your poor defenceless children being brought up with him, just think about that.

it would break the children’s hearts if we weren’t together

Bullshit... this is just an excuse you are using to justify staying in an abusive relationship...

My ex hit me and I broke up with him.

Got back with him several weeks later and said if he laid a hand on me again I would call the police. I always told myself I would never give someone another chance after once. But feelings got in the way.

It didn't take long for the 2nd time to happen. I did call the police. He got a caution for common assault and that was that. Apparently it was all my fault though and I was a liar even though I had photos of the bruising the first time and the police saw my injury the 2nd time!

I would never give anyone a 2nd chance ever again. Been with my husband 8 years now, married 6 and never even close to hitting me even though we have had some blazing rows in the past.

Me and my partner have been together 6 years, we've always had a rocky relationship

Rocky? So, unhealthy and toxic?
He will do it again, they always do. Followed by lots of remorse and crocodile tears, probably a few suicide threats for good measure.

You need to get off this rollercoaster. It is damaging you and your children.

You say you have hit and pushed him and this is the first time he has hit you back.
Your children will grow up thinking abuse in a real is normal.

Strangling you is so severe down the scale of violence in my opinion. I do think there can be "one offs" in certain circumstances like a few people have mentioned in this thread. This is not one of those. If you stay with him I really think he could end up killing you one day, so please leave him. Don't listen to the sob story.

Have you friends or family that you can confide in ?

Your children will be more heartbroken when he kills you.

He went from never having hit you to strangling! How far will the next escalation go?

Leave now.

When you go to either collect the kids from nursery or drop them off don't go back to the house, go straight to the police and ask for help.

He isn't a great dad OP. A great dad doesn't abuse the mum. Doesn't hit her round the face. Doesn't strangle her.

If you can't leave for yourself, leave for your children. I read something the other day about the effect of abuse on children, even if they don't witness it. It's so damaging.

And there are lots of well documented studies about how putting hands around the neck leads to murder. I know my ex did it with another gf. He will kill her. You have children - why would you risk that?

Please do reach out to Women's Aid.

Jeez OP - that sounds fucking terrifying.
Unfortunately he is his dads son - completely.
And... he didn't hit you once.
He tried to kill you twice and knocked you clean off of your feet.
That is 3 incidents of violence.
What if a stranger in the street did this to you?
How would you react?
He WILL kill you.
You are far far far too young to be tied into this abusive relationship.
As others have said, contact Womens Aid as soon as you can.
You need to get out and you need to do it very very soon.
He's escalated massively with his abuse and it WILL get worse every time.
This is learned behaviour and he won't change.
Please get away and save yourself and your DC from this!!!
Do NOT tell him what your plans are (as and when you are ready of course) because that is the most critical time when abusers really ramp it up - when they feel they are losing their 'victim'.
Don't be that statistic OP!
Your dad was right about him all those years ago.
But get away!!!!

Yes.

Both of us a bit drunk, had an argument, they became hysterical and slapped me, I slapped them back harder. The shock snapped them out of it and it never happened again.

It was a long time ago. I was brought up not to go around thumping people, but I wasn't about to stand around doing nothing while they assaulted me, so I hit back. I'm not proud of it, but it pretty obviously had the effect I intended.

To be absolutely clear, I'm not advocating hitting back against violent partners, but my partner was never abusive or violent before or since, and I realised at the time they really weren't in a normal state of mind at all. I think there are rare circumstances whereby perfectly placid and good natured people can raise their hands and it be a one-off.