Has anyone's partner hit them just the once?

[sn21]

Me and my partner have been together 6 years, we've always had a rocky relationship, however last night we had an argument and he hit me. The argument sort of stopped after that, and I took myself in the bathroom. While he stayed in the bedroom. Long story short he had a panic attack, over what he did and said he couldn't believe what he'd just done and he was really sorry. I've read so many domestic abuse stories, that the physical abuse can come much later, but after 6 years of being with him he has never put a finger on me. I'm not scared of him, I just don't know whether to believe him or not 😔

I left an abusive relationship and I can assure you the 'panic attack' was designed to take the focus away from you and what he had done to you and apologies mean nothing. Do not feel sorry for him for a moment. Do not take any blame for what happened. You can no longer trust him and shouldn't feel safe around him. You will be better off without him.

Its broken now, 'what if he hits me again' will always be in the back of your mind.

It's not worth the risk. You will always have it in the back of your mind and it will stop you speaking your mind out of fear.
Also - panic attack in this situation is a form of self-pity out of trying to reconcile the act in his mind. The next time his mind will blame YOU for 'making' him hit you.

yes just to say, I did report my abuser to the police and social services got involved. They said they would need to be involved if I went back to him. That's pretty sobering.

And when I was accused of lying- I thought, that no one would put themselves on the radar of social services voluntarily just to get back at an ex.

(The volunteer quote is from Gavin de Becker - i didn't say I agreed it with it (I work with domestic abuse victims now) by the way but it shocked me as a victim of abuse who did put up with all kinds of shit). 0. I prefer the book, How he gets into her Head by Don Hennessey which is much less victim blamey and makes lots of sense). 0

Op there is always a first time and it’s only ever the last time if you leave. It can rarely be the last time if you hit back and give them enough of a fright not to do it again.

Past that his reaction is typical. Right?

Next time he will do it harder.

I hurt DH in temper once, thirty years ago, enough to draw blood. It frightened the living daylights out of me and I have never done it or anything like it again.

My younger screwed up self had the opinion once for most things could be forgiven as people make mistakes.

I had this opinion for a matter of minutes as my thought process continued and I asked myself the question “could I imagine hitting my mum?” There were no set of circumstances in which I could hit her or anyone I loved. In a matter of minutes I changed my mind and realised once was too much.

He may not hit you again, though statistically he probably will. However, is once not enough?

I was in a physically abusive relationship. The first time he hit me, his reaction was almost exactly the same as your partner. I forgave him because I felt so bad for him and I thought he must have thought he was a monster. I don't know if that was just manipulation, or if me forgiving him made him feel like he could just continue doing whatever he wanted to me. But it took me years to leave after that, and the abuse escalated to the point it became sexual, as well as physical and psychological. There's no good reason to stay with this man, I'm sorry. No matter how sorry he is. If he's a decent human being he'll understand why it's not worth the risk you staying with him x

I think his panic was because he knows he can be reported and this has consequences for his life.

I understand it is so hard to process but hitting will just be the tip of the iceberg, it is highly likely you are being abused in other ways.

Sorry op. The person who hits tends to be mortified afterwards. That doesn't stop them, even if they want to. He has a problem. Also if it's been rocky for years, maybe this is a sign it's better to be without?

Also even when dh have been at our .most stressed and angry, we've never come close. Just like I'd never come close to hitting my mum.

I think you can easily lose your temper yes. But you said that the relationship is always rocky - how? Is he abusive in other ways?

This could be an isolated incident or it could be the beginning of worsening abuse.

I have lost my temper and hit someone (almost, but I couldn't reach so technically no hit)

I went to school with a girl who ended up in an abusive relationship and in just a couple of years she went from a happy sociable fun girl to a shadow of her former self, crippled with anxiety and such low self esteem she sadly took her life.

You don't need to tolerate physical violence from anyone in life, especially not from someone who claims to care for you.
Get out now and one day you'll look back and realise what a lucky escape you had, normal relationships encourage the best in each other.

Yes , he hit me just the once ,because I almost broke his nose when I defended myself. That shocked him . I was pregnant at the time and he had thrown me against a door frame hard enough to bruise me.
I dont go around punching people on the nose but it was self defense

So yes he hit me just the once , because the relationship was over then .
I do not suggest you punch him op but I do suggest you leave him

OP he knew exactly what he was doing. Violence tends to be used in an abusive relationship, when other forms of power and control no longer work. It tends to be calculated, just as his panic attack was calculated in order to manipulate you.

The best thing you can do here OP is thank your lucky stars you saw him for what he is, six years in, instead of 20.

There is no going forward after this. The relationship is over. Join the Freedom Programme and learn about abusive relationships and healthy relationships. You'll learn that there were signs leading up to this as abuse never happens in a vacuum.

A perfectly lovely, non abusive man, doesn't suddenly hit someone. Not unless there's a mitigating factor like a brain tumour (no, he doesn't have one). He faked a panic attack as he was worried about the repercussions on him - have a think about that.

Leave now.

Go somewhere
Go to a friend or a family member

Let’s face it, “rocky” is usually just a euphemism for total shitshow.

Don’t waste your life.

It's v unlikely to be once
My ex had his hands round my neck before long. He's abused other women I've since found out.

I burst an exes nose once in sheer utter temper. I had what they call, the red mist. I don't remember doing it, I just remember seeing the blood. It isn't ok ever and there shouldn't be a first, never mind a second time but only you can decide what you can and can't forgive. All I would say is the shock of me doing this made sure I never, in over 20 years, used physical violence on anything that breathes.

Understand that these are actually criminal assaults. The man who claims to love you is assaulting you. It’s wrong.

It took him a while but my ex eventually hit me again, too. The thought of whether he would ever hit his mother is a good one. I also wonder whether he would ever hit his boss?!

My ex hit me just the once.. Because I up and left him. Once is once to many.
It was hard I loved him but I knew in that moment the trust I had was gone

Was is a genuine panic attack, or a reaction from him to deflect his violence towards you?

Read @SomeoneElseEntirelyNow response, then act on it.

If they can do it once they're capable of doing it again. Don't forget this x

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. This is domestic abuse. Please call Women's Aid.