Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Does it seem genuine/sincere? I think the odd thanks here and there is fine then.

Ihavenicelegs it seems like it's sincere. But it's like he has to end every chat with a compliment about how I look.
I will just carry on saying thanks occasionally.

@echoelephant I would go with it. It sounds like he's really trying hard to woo you which is such a cute trait.

Yeh I know what you mean @Elephant - after a while it just feels like pandering, like they’re not really seeing you as a human being?

I think if you’ve clearly made an effort for a night out, or if you’re meeting after a long time, a compliment is nice.

People putting you on a pedestal doesn’t mean they treat you well.

I’ve had female ex-friends who are all about the “you’re gorgeous hun” phrases and certainly didn’t have my best interests at heart

It goes for other things as well - I’m a First Dates addict and there was a former Eton headboy who was a Oxbridge medical student.

His date was gorgeous and cool, but (I know it’s edited/staged a bit) seemed very “star-struck” by his achievements and kept saying how impressed she was, constantly - without reading his physical cues, or talking about life in general....he didn’t call her for a second date.

If you don’t even know someone, typing lots of compliments just makes you seem like a desperate Instagram fanboy

Ugh, first date and I'm over dating already. Nice guy, no sex talk before hand, all very straight up and thought could be someone who'd want to take it slow and we could get to know each other..

Launched himself at me and became clear he wanted sex, which I was not in board for.

I don't want a random hook up. Am I giving off some sort of vibe
He messaged to say he can't wait to meet again and I said I think we are looking for different things. Just feel down

@Oopsiedaisyy

Sorry it wasn’t good - seriously we’ve all been there and don’t let it completely put you off OD.

I agree it’s hard to tell what the agenda is, but really the only way to find out is to meet. Some people have poor social skills or ideas about consent and boundaries so it’s not you at all.

@TwinkleInYourEye It’s a pithy way of describing someone that discriminates on height.

Before that starts a big debate, I’m onboard with the idea that this is a perfectly valid thing to consider. You can’t help what you like after all.

Bunkbedpeople

I'd never heard of Guardian soulmates so googled it and it is closing down, so too late to join it now

@BigBoosh I do agree you do need to meet reasonably soon, if there's chemistry then establish that before you waste weeks on texting.

I’m definitely loosing the will to live with online dating. It’s such hard work.

Going to stick at it but only click on a profile that takes my liking (was trying to be ‘open minded’ but that’s not working for me as I’ll match with someone and then I match a little while later).

Going by most of the posts on this thread it seems like such hard work!!! The guess work, text reply times etc

I think I’m just feeling downhearted tbh.....

I've been asked to go for two walk dates this week, today and Thursday. I spoke on the phone to the Thursday guy and we had a great laugh. Zero expectations but at least its mroe interesting than Netflix

daisyy that's a shame about leery guy. Hope the other dates are better.

I had my date with Mr Cool, who I had fairly high hopes for but just didn't fancy him. Shame as he was nice and had good chat, but no spark.

Feeling similar about OLD donewith it's a fair bit of effort and when it doesn't deliver it's a bit deflating.

Where are all the good guys hiding?

Had a walk and hot chocolate date, got on well, no launching at me, but no spark.

@Oopsiedaisyy sorry your date didn't go to plan, and there was no connection in today's date, but fingers crossed for Thursday.

Hey all. So today’s date with Mr R was a difficult one as so cold and raining and nowhere to go! Ended up sitting in my garden 😂
No snogging or attempt to... he said he would have liked to hug me at the end the problem is the longer it’s like this I think we could end up just being good friends. I suppose I could have launched myself at him but I am not sure of the signals of whether he would want me to so I didn’t do it

Oh @menora that sounds tricky. Do you want to snog him?

How do I nicely turn down a guy I've been talking to that wants to meet? He sent me some more pics and looks nothing like the original, I just can't do it. Don't want to say that's why though.

You don't have to give a reason @bangheadhere40, just say something like it's been nice chatting but I don't feel it's going to go any further. Good luck with dating. and then delete him?

So Mr Farmer came over, we had a nice chat, he's had a lot on with work and we talked about communication and consistency and I'm satisfied with how it all went.
So yes, as you were everyone 😁

He seems a decent sort so didn't want to just delete. Maybe I'm over thinking this, just prefer to be polite.

@Menora, aside from the 'rules' are you concerned about putting either of your households in any specific danger ? Are either of you purposefully having to limit any chance of infection? I think you have to weigh up the impact of suggesting a kiss and cuddle next time. If he's okay with the idea then potentially if you hit it off you could become part of a little extended bubble with each other. ? And if he doesn't seem keen on the idea he would presumably have to explain why and you could decide if you wanted to wait.

Can someone who knows what to do start the next thread ? I am useless

Sparkly shiny new thread...

Come one, come all, sign in, mark your place, share your tales of woe and support each other in this crazy world of OLD.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3931002-Dating-Thread-190-Living-La-Vida-Lockdown-but-not-out