Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I’m new to this. Can you just block him or do you need to say “You’re older than my parents. Bye!”

So I went on my date socially distant walk and coffee , we both enjoyed and are making plans for a second !

How are you doing @unambiguousbeard? Haven't seen you round these here parts for a while 🌻

@Myfabby It might not continue, so after the dog pic he said he was with the kids and I asked their names, chat was nice.

So last night I sent a breezy, suggestion that if he's still free Sunday he could come over (what he did on Monday)
And actually would be really nice to do something Wednesday (we both said a few days ago we were free next Wednesday) as it's my Birthday Thursday and one of those awesome kisses would be nice.

He replied 'why thank you'

That's not a reply, ffs. I'm hurt but not replying. I put myself out there, made it obvious I like him and want to see him again. His move.

Yes definitely @CheesecakeAddict, tell him he's way too old for you. He is entitled and revolting....He clearly needs to be told!

@twinkleinyoureye I did in the end and I had to block him because he was relentless.

So, on pof I think someone in prison is messaging me. That's apparently who I attract - Kingwilly and a prisoner

I didn't realise prisoners had access to POF - I assume not sex offenders though?

I imagine that someone can be anyone they want to be with some dating sites so made me weary.

I meant wary when I used them.

Thanks to the poster up thread for feedback on my situation. I have chilled a bit and accepted that my chap is much shyer that I am and to focus on the good qualities he has (many). Let's face it - I'm far from perfect!

@typohere I'm assuming it is a smuggled in phone. His photo is a bit dodge and his location is Newhall. It might just be me being judgemental, but it does look odd.

So I may have eyed up the smitten bench a little too soon 🙁
Last week Mr Farmer as awesome, chatty, attentive, saw him 4 times, telling me he missed me ...
This week he's still in touch daily but there's been no in depth chats, hasn't asked to see me extra...
I've asked if everything is okay and he's said fine but it definitely feels different. I'm supposed to be seeing him tomorrow so I'm going to confirm this today and then hopefully have a chat tomorrow.
I'm the first to admit I'm quite needy, I like the texts, the cute messages, the reassurance really but it's more the up and down I'm unsettled by.
I can understand people are busy / have bad weeks / have things going on but just going from how lovely last week was to how uneasy I've felt this week isnt good.

@dancemom I hate the word needy, you have perfectly reasonable needs. I have gone through this with Mr R and sometimes my anxiety caused me to be unreasonable but sometimes it didn’t. I would approach your conversation with ‘how was your week?’ rather than criticising him and hopefully he’ll tell you he was busy / had a crisis at work etc so you can decide how you react to that and whether you tell him how he made you feel.

Thank you @StealthNinjaMum

He's not the most open guy or one for talking about himself but I'll press for some insight tomorrow and hopefully resolve things.
I know I'm not going to change so there's no point me accepting this current status as I know it just gives me anxiety. I don't want to feel insecure and you're right, my needs are just as important.

I'm like this to....

"I'm the first to admit I'm quite needy, I like the texts, the cute messages, the reassurance really but it's more the up and down I'm unsettled by.
I can understand people are busy / have bad weeks / have things going on but just going from how lovely last week was to how uneasy I've felt this week isnt good."

I can't help it. I get unsettled by texting lots then goes quiet. I log into FB and he has been on then goes...? Coincidence? He seems to be on FB lots - for messenger he says because he never posts anything.

@dancemom what you've described isn't needy, it's just consistency or at least communication when consistency isn't possible. That lack of communication just leads to second guessing and anxiety when it's missing, which isn't you being needy 😉. Hopefully just a blip due to something he hasn't communicated and seeing him tomorrow will clear it up 🤞

@bangheadhere40 £1 for chips 😂😂 I shouldn't laugh but that is taking splitting the bill to a whole new level!

I never heard from him again Ant...he could probably see the horror in my face when I gave him the quid 😆

I would appreciate a man looking over my pof profile if anyone would help? I'm not sure how I link it though.

I'm trying not to contemplate that there could be someone else, I'd like to think there isn't and I'm not that unlucky (last guy I dated turned out to be married for those who don't remember my story) so I can't give that possibility any headspace or it would consume me.

I'm more just concerned that he's getting bored and going off me and id just rather he said so if that's the case ... but I could be overthinking it which is very likely for me 🙄

Thanks @Ant330 it is the inconsistency that's setting me off, hopefully he comes over tomorrow and I can get it cleared up

I think you can pm someone the URL @bangheadhere40, then when they are signed in they can view it.

I'm in the process of sticking a profile up on there because I might as well get the widest possible exposure. A review could be useful too; I'm going on furlough from July so I will be able to join in with the other weirdos with too much time on their hands I did have a profile a while back but deleted it because of all the MeetMe notifications that were obviously fake but I think I can handle that when my only distraction is painting the skirting.

@HairyArsedMan

I’m happy to take a look if I can help

@dancemom

Its not needy. This is a really shit feeling I remember it so well! I think all of us have had it and it’s a sign of a communication issue, you feel something has changed but there could be a reasonable explanation, it’s not needy to wonder though!

What is going on with your dates if you are on them, are they all socially distant? I don’t know how much longer I can manage with Mr R at this rate, another walk tomorrow and it’s getting to me the no physical contact

I don’t know the risk levels anymore to be honest... I work in the NHS but it’s all very quiet on infection front round here, no sickness no one has symptoms, but also no antibody testing. At least if I had that I would feel better. I can’t put him into the position of taking a risk either it would be unfair

dancer I agree it’s the consistency rather than neediness. You see a pattern and when it goes off/changes it’s easy to overthink. I’m a bit like that too. Trust your gut. Not sure how to address it though... I think the last time I said “everything ok” it was like a nail in the coffin, so I just assume they are showing me who they are by their actions and if they are cooling then so be it.

If he’s making you feel insecure I’d be wary of moving forwards.

craving that’s pretty poor. Maybe he was really busy and wanted to send a quick reply and will reply properly later?

hairy some people just like to keep messages to a minimum. I can’t be doing with texting loads either. I think it’s early days for that one. Try again and see how it goes? Would you suggest a call?

Mr Cool never replies to my messages straight away. He reads them and then maybe takes an hour or sometimes til the next day. But he always texts me first. He’s asked to meet this weekend, tomorrow but not specific time so I’ve accepted but just got back to him today to get him to finalise plans. I’m not up for lastminute.com bs

@Menora it really is the worse feeling! I always think I'm on top of my anxiety and then something sets it off again.

Thank you everyone, definitely going to get it cleared up if I see him tomorrow.

In fact, I need to confirm that right now.

@dancemom sorry to hear that he's not been as good at communicating. I hope you get an answer tomorrow.

@HairyArsedMan - (and anyone else) if you're looking for the widest possible exposure then Guardian Soulmates is free until it closes at the end of June? Not sure if it's just for existing/hidden/dormant profiles, but maybe worth a shot? I've got a date out of it, but that's not until Sunday or Monday - that's the most progress I've had in a couple of years!

Mr R liked something of mine on Facebook today. I looked at his profile. Me and his ex wife could be actual sisters. She looks more like me than my own sister