Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@MsJaneAusten pof you can hide your profile. I'm not going to lie, I'm not very impressed with it so far... I've met some very interesting characters...

Ok I've been on here a while now but ... slightly embarrassed to say I've never figured out what the STB means in STBXH.

Dating. Re-entered the fray on Bumble last week. It saw me as a new-bee (groan) so I had the chastening experience of seeing almost everyone I've dated on there very quickly before it told me "I'd been through all the bees in my area". Hate that phrasing. 1 match but the conversation died after two messages. Apparent disinterest but who knows with the vagaries of full-time working and childcare. Unmatch or just wait and see ? I'm already slightly disillusioned.

Re-jigged profile on Match to no avail. Though someone did really pique my curiosity but she was some distance away. It did make me wonder whether even considering the idea of trying to start a long distance thing reflects an subconscious requirement for an independent-ish sort of existence. Either that or a perverse liking for overpriced bad motorway services food.

I've maintained an on-off conversation started with someone since before Christmas. We never quite got round to going out but check in on each other every now and then and a conversation ensues. I've raised the idea of a post lockdown drink or a lockdown walk but it hasn't been greeted with much enthusiasm. Again, I've supposed reasons of working, looking after kids during lockdown have put a dampener on such ideas.

@hairyarsedman soon to be (stb).

Honestly, if she's not putting in the effort at this stage, I'd ditch and keep looking.

Mind if I join you? Have lurked for ages, mainly happily single, no dates for a couple of years. I'm the ripe old age of 47, never married, no kids.

Had an email to an old GSM account I had last month to say that they were closing down at the end of June and until then it was free, so I thought, ok, maybe just a look. Got the usual pensioners (my limit is 55) and then started chatting to a guy who is a couple of years older than me - Mr Mountain Bike. Two kids, amicable with the ex. Chatted for a couple of weeks, and then had a couple of video chats that went on for ages, and he was just so lovely. Also turns out he vaguely knows someone I know, who has vouched that he is.

Chatted today on email and I've now ended up on a socially distancing countryside walk date on either Sunday or Monday, depending on the weather. I haven't been on any kind of date for four years, (or had sex!), and I'm so nervous. I don't want to build it up and let this show, and I'm trying to stay calm - any suggestions? This is the first time I've really fancied someone for YEARS and I really don't want to blow it.

Hey all hope you are ok. Hi to newbies! Date ideas - really take your time with spoiling yourself the night before. If you feel good about yourself and have taken some time to prepare (nice bath, hair, nails etc) you tend to feel more confident on the date. Good luck!

I am feeling less shit today for some reason (unknown haha) but I had a big wave of a feeling earlier today about Mr Return which has made me realise I am kind of a bit numb right now. I didn’t realise I was numb - I’ve been filling my time with this and that and it’s all very jolly fun with Mr R and a nice friend but today I was very busy and unavailable and I missed him and really really want him to hug me 😂

Had a three month tinder fling but I dumped her last week when she got a bit too serious. Have a very nice german girl lined up for Friday now.

@BigBoosh Welcome to the thread. I think your 3 month fling had a lucky escape and I hope your German "girl" (I assume you mean woman/lady?) sees sense before Friday.

@JeSuisPrest 👏👏👏 im hoping it's a troll

[quote JeSuisPrest]@BigBoosh Welcome to the thread. I think your 3 month fling had a lucky escape and I hope your German "girl" (I assume you mean woman/lady?) sees sense before Friday.[/quote]
She was fairly naive and I told her as much she's better off away from me. That did the trick.I

No sense in this game of love. I'm just trying to find the right partner like everyone else and not be a prick about it.

@chockaholic72

Hello! I think for the date/meet just do what you’d do for any social event (eg new job or party) - make sure you’re prepared, a little bit of anxiety is usual or you wouldn’t be human. I’d start small (only commit to 1-2 hours) and extend if it’s going well. It’s ok to let him know you’re nervous.

Also, it’s not you on show it’s working out if you BOTH click socially so if you don’t feel comfortable it’s not your job to sort things out beyond basic politeness.

@CheesecakeAddict

Hahaha have you got the glory that is the pof inbox of Shame?

Where you look down the profile photos and the names like:

Titlover34567
BigGazzaDog45677
WellHungSweetieCuddleBear4You

And you’re like IS THIS MY DATING POOL NOW? 🙈🙈🙈🙈

I think it’s the format - your inbox won’t be guys you’ve swiped on?

@BigBoosh I'm just trying to find the right partner like everyone else and not be a prick about it.

Try harder not to be a prick, you're failing miserably at the moment. It took you 3 months to realise she was naive before you "dumped" her? How much sex and how many blow jobs did it take you to realise she wasnt the one for you? 🤔 What a gent.

[quote JeSuisPrest]@BigBoosh I'm just trying to find the right partner like everyone else and not be a prick about it.

Try harder not to be a prick, you're failing miserably at the moment. It took you 3 months to realise she was naive before you "dumped" her? How much sex and how many blow jobs did it take you to realise she wasnt the one for you? 🤔 What a gent.[/quote]
Hold on a second now. I've had quite a few 1,2,3 date things recently where i stopped it before as I just wasn't feeling that into them. With this girl I thought there was a chance of something and that it might need a bit more time. It didn't work out that way and I let her know a month later than I wanted due to an unfortunate pregnancy and abortion.
My female friends say I behaved entirely fair.

Wow, accidental pregnancy, an abortion and dumped within 3 months. She must be living the dream at the moment. Did you think she was going to turn from naive to super confident sex goddess if you gave her a bit longer? The way you talk about your "fling" and "dumping" her bearing in mind the above makes you sound like an even bigger prick tbh. Enjoy your date on Friday.

Thanks. I'll keep you updated. Hopefully it goes well as I've hard a tough time of it lately.

Unfortunately you aren’t helping yourself you are making it sound like women are irritating disposable objects.

If she fell pregnant and she had an abortion she probably was feeling vulnerable and wanted support, initially you just said she got a bit too serious - I think contraception, empathy and honesty is something you need to invest in immediately.

And there it is... the reason i might avoid dating for a wee bit longer!

I thought the STB stood for Stupid Bastard XH 🤣 soon to be is much more civilised.

Yes, pof can be a bit of a cesspit - and those usernames are spot on @Bunkbedpeople
Saying that, I've started chatting to someone on there and we're about to have a phone call turns out he's connected to where I work and he seems nice. I'm so used to arse holes who jump to sexting quickly that I don't quite know how to behave with someone genuine.

To the pp with the partner whose dad abused his sister: it's really difficult to know how you're going to react in that situation. You said his mum had just died so he was already grieving and your understanding of it that he may have been unable to lose his other parent too is probably correct. I'm not justifying his choices but things are rarely as black and white as they look from the outside. It does suggest his dad has major issues though, which will have influenced his parenting of your partner. So definitely keep an eye out for further red flags.

@cravingthelook your updates have been smiling, living vicariously through you - long may it continue ...

@MsJaneAusten please ignore BigBoosh he is most clearly either a troll or a misogynist with female friends with very low standards. Incredible !

@Menora

Unfortunately you aren’t helping yourself you are making it sound like women are irritating disposable objects.

If she fell pregnant and she had an abortion she probably was feeling vulnerable and wanted support, initially you just said she got a bit too serious - I think contraception, empathy and honesty is something you need to invest in immediately.

Pretty sure she tried to trap me and this was the opinion of others. I've agreed to take her out for a final dinner this weekend so its ending on a civil note rather than pick stuff up from my house.

@BigBoosh quit trolling and fuck off. You sound like a dunce

@Bunkbedpeople oh jesus christ on a bike, I've just been deleting them straight away. 🙈 Honestly, I had "BigGazza" brag about being a homeowner and then actually next to it wrote "(council)". I have absolutely nothing against housing association homes, I grew up in one and when I was homeless, relied on them, but fuck me, that is not a stealth brag nor is it a chat up line!!!

I am talking to two really sweet guys on there though so fingers crossed they turn into something. The only annoying thing is because every time someone likes me, my phone pings, so I had to turn notifications off, so now I don't realise when I get messages too.

My tinder is dry too. I might ask of one of you (maybe a guy's perspective) could look at my profile and tell me what is scaring everyone off.

@supercali77 and @JeSuisPrest I've missed you both, glad you're both still out there saying it like it is. And also thank for fir @HairyArsedMan for reminding us that not all men are pricks.

Thanks for the peptalk @Bunkbedpeople - it’s just been so long since I did this, and I guess I’ve lost a bit of confidence; I’m not as slim or young as I was! We are probably going to go for an evening walk so that alone should limit the time a bit. Since I learned what love bombing was on here (and realised I’d been a victim of it in the past) I’m trying to tread very carefully. So my spidey senses are on full alert but not picking anything up - he just seems really nice (and from the other side of a video conference, very fanciable).

@chockaholic good luck on your date!

Kingwilly doesn't seem to be taking a hint. Can I tell him he is older than my parents? I'm not usually such a bitch but it's a bit ballsy isn't it, messaging someone half your age? I'd feel like a preditor 😂