Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

(For our own benefit I should say, not because theres anything inherently wrong with it (

Don’t add irons to social media. Esp Facebook. I also wouldn’t add anyone who was only a brand new exclusive partner either. I’ve had egg on my face a few times from this same thing!!

I was up so late last night on a video call with Mr Return. He had a couple glasses of wine got brave and text me after that he fancies the pants off me 😂
Probably is a good thing we aren’t meeting socially distantly because I would need the face carrier bags and they look awkward hehe
We get really carried away with very bizarre chats about all kinds of random things some deep some light so it’s a nice mixture

So far I am not getting any serious red flags, I’m really trying to not get too invested either as god knows how long it will be before we could meet. And he’s been single a lot longer than I realised, nearly a year which puts my mind at rest a bit as I was hoping I was not yet another rebound

That sounds really encouraging Menora. I remember feeling the same about the man I'm seeing now before we met. Lots of random chats, no obvious red flags (hed been single just under a year, 18 months for me). We found we both have an interest in music from the 80s and true crime and to this day still talk of those topics all the time. Enjoy!

Welcome @xoxo80 I've tried quite a few apps - I think they all vary in success rate depending on where you live and what you are hoping to find. Like others have said the same guys tend to appear on multiple apps so I would do the same - try a few and you will find which one suits you. Personally I've had best results with Bumble and Tinder. I found PoF too full on. If you haven't created a profile yet top tip a friend gave me was to start taking loads of selfies. In different outfits and different locations. Then you'll have some decent pics to choose from when it comes to creating a profile.

@BooFuckingHoo2 How did your date go? Was it really awkward having a first date but staying apart??

I'm beginning to wonder at how well I'm getting on with Mr Mobile, We've had a video chat everyday since lock down began - and no sign of that slowing down - and remarkably it seems easy. (We met in person a couple of times before lock down started) With him I've never felt the familiar stress of wondering who's going to initiate contact first - or doubt that he'll message back. It all seems so natural (somebody pinch me please!!) We were talking about meeting for our "socially distanced date" at the weekend. we were discussing the merits of various local beauty spots but I just feel they will all be packed with people.

iamthrough I agree it can be a little disconcerting when it all seems too easy. I think something I have learned with age is how wrong it was that I tolerated those relationships I had that were fraught or difficult. When two people genuinely care about each other's feelings and are prepared to compromise IT IS easy.

Guardian Soulmates is closing. Just had an email.

@Menora that all sounds so exciting!!

Hi lovely ladies - may I ask for your help... I'm early 60s and left my 40-year marriage last year. I'm not desperate to start a new relationship, but I'd like to dip my toe into the dating pool and see if I like the water. So, a week ago I finally joined Match.

I posted what I think is a really nice profile, with a few photos that show that I am quite pretty and have a nice smile. I described myself as thoughtful, lively, fit, left-leaning, and mentioned that I enjoy walking, gardening and cooking. I also mentioned my cultural interests, but definitely without sounding OTT or snobbish. The fact is that I like theatre and art, and someone who doesn't share these interests would not float my boat. I stated that I am looking for a serious exclusive relationship but not marriage.

No takers. I messaged more than a dozen guys - most of whom had liked me. All were in my age group and claimed an interest in the arts, as well as walking and talking. None could be described as being out of my league. My messages were brief but referred to interests we have in common. Not one of them replied. No responses. At all. Zilch, nada. (Unless you count a couple of time-wasters.) Help please...

Sorry - I definitely did put paragraphs! This App is not terribly user-friendly...

My date was okay, I didn’t fancy him at all though so their won’t be a second! It was a bit weird sitting across from each other in the park at a distance

Does anyone have any tips for letting them down gently as he’s already text me keen for a second date.

Hi Flower Arranger and welcome.

You are better off waiting for quality over quantity

Have you got a friend you could get to read your profile and give you a very honest opinion?

What age group are you aiming for? I am 47 and met someone online last year. I tended to find a lot of men my age were looking for younger women and I got messages from men in their late 50s, 60s, even 70s. Yes, 70s.

I hung in there and did meet some men my age. Man I'm seeing said he had a 5 year range -older or younger - as a general rule. He just turned 50 last month.

Mr thought process was always 'I only need to meet one' so took it handy and only pursued something if we really clicked.

I'm sure there will be others along soon with much better advice.

@iamthrough thank you that's really helpful! I hate photos of myself so will probably have to take a few hundred anyway haha! Thank you!

I really had no luck with Match it was so disappointing! I would say yes maybe reduce your profile a little, some mystery is always alluring! I have a pretty short profile and tend to put some key points in without it being too long

Although I am a bit excited about Mr Return I haven’t told anyone I know. I am not sure how people would receive it. I got really burnt by the last 2 irons and I think people may think I am rushing into yet another doomed situation so I am going to keep it quiet until I am really certain. I am kind of thinking is this for real can I actually meet someone so lovely, I thought that before and look where I ended up! It could all so easily go wrong I don’t want to get my hopes up at all. I think now we have established the fancying element, I can relax a bit and go with the flow. I will try not to have too many expectations this time!

@FlowerArranger Seems like you’re doing everything right, I agree with @WindmillWhirl, it’s not really about the numbers but the fit and being patient. If you want me to have a squint at your profile, I’m happy to help.

@Windmillwhirl welcome!

I'd also ask the age or age range you are messaging, some people only date younger 🙄

@shitwithsugaron that's so true. It's easy to make excuses I think because sometimes the truth is hard to hear 😬

@Menora - that sounds exciting with Mr Return. It's good to hear that things can come good eventually.

@FlowerArranger - keep the faith. I have had very poor responses on Match but eventually, like buses, three irons appeared at the same time. Unfortunately none of them worked out but I live in hope that someone that fits will come out of it. I have joined POF but it's all a bit full on. As someone else mentioned GS is shutting down but I think it will be free until then. Might be worth a look.

Great advice from @shitwithsugaron and @jesuisprest as always! I know I'm a priority for my BF during lockdown and we operate as a team to support each other. We have found ways to spend time together at a distance. We have had disagreements or niggles but I've never felt unsure about where I fit in his priorities. It's a nice feeling.

Hello @FlowerArranger and welcome. Just keep with it, it sounds like you're doing all the right things so just be patient. Unfortunately you will probably get more "dead ends" that genuine prospects for a partner but don't give up and enjoy the fun.
@BooFuckingHoo2 - What a shame your date didn't give you that spark. I would just say something like "thanks for a lovely date today, but you didn't feel a spark so you'd rather not progress anything at the moment" No need to be more specific.

@xoxo80 - Good luck with your profile. As I'd been in a long marriage similar to yourself I was really scared about appearing naked in front of any new man. A friend suggested I get comfortable being naked alone first, so after every shower or bath I'd spend some time pottering about my house (curtains closed obvs!!) totally naked. It really helped when it came to being naked with a new guy.

agree with @Notcoolmum.

You won't have to guess if you are a priority. Honestly I cringe at the things I have settled for or excused. He's busy etc. I am sorry a text to explain he's busy doesn't take but a minute. And I not suggesting he has to explain his every whereabout, but when you start to repress your own needs it is not healthy...

And of course on some days I struggle with maintaining this. Am I being too picky? Will I end up alone? I'd rather be at peace though then my mind wandering everytime and waiting for crumbs.

@Myfabby Totally agree about the crumbs. Apparently it is even called Breadcrumbing! Who knew there were even words for all this!!

@Mumtolittleorange

breadcrumbing, ghosting, flakey, slowfade... none of these words were in my vocab prior to my foray into OLD in January 2020.. Sadly I am now acquainted with all those

Am I being too picky? Will I end up alone? I'd rather be at peace though then my mind wandering everytime and waiting for crumbs.

Not picky at all. You know your worth. Better to hold out for someone worthy of you than waste your time on men that will never give you what you want/need.

@Myfabby yes, im sadly now well acquainted with those words too! And I often wonder whether my expectations are too much too (as I keep moaning to @HairyArsedMan) but I think you should expect others to treat you the way you'd treat them, it's basic courtesy.