Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

998 replies

JeSuisPrest · 12/05/2020 12:46

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
CheesecakeAddict · 15/05/2020 18:24

@Notcoolmum potentially. I'm not saying this is it (and I really hope it's not) but I'm going to wait for him to make the first move now.

TigerDater · 15/05/2020 20:26

@FlowerArranger why don’t you want to try Tinder? I found it to be the best in terms of volume and variety of men. I’m 57.

FlowerArranger · 15/05/2020 20:45

Tinder - isn't that for hookups? I'm looking for men who like Shakespeare and Turner and Verdi and all kinds of other art stuff... Where do they hang out?

ThirtyAndASmidgen · 15/05/2020 20:50

@FlowerArranger I’ve found a few on OKCupid. Would love to find more opera-lovers.

FlowerArranger · 15/05/2020 20:53

Anyone tried Truelifepartner?

FlowerArranger · 15/05/2020 20:55

Thanks, Thirty, I'll try okcupid Smile

Menora · 15/05/2020 21:02

Tinder can be a bit basic but no it’s not just hook ups

FlowerArranger · 15/05/2020 21:07

Basic in what way? Im sorry, but I'm a total novice Wink

EchoElephant · 15/05/2020 21:10

Tinder and Bumble are the same kind of app. Except that the woman messages first on Bumble.
Neither are just for hookups.

There is also Lumen for the over 50s. And also Hinge.

OLD takes time and there are less people using it because of lockdown

Menora · 15/05/2020 21:14

Ok it’s basic that it has no quiz or questionnaires to fill in to match you up
A lot of people write nothing at all

FlowerArranger · 15/05/2020 21:54

If there are no questionnaires, how on earth do people match up? How would an opera lover find another? Sorry, but I'm baffled.

TigerDater · 15/05/2020 22:00

No Tinder’s not just for hookups. I was on Tinder and I love poetry, drama, art, film and architecture.

TigerDater · 15/05/2020 22:03

You mention opera in your profile and they mention it in theirs. The whole matching thing in other apps is an illusion. Age and location are all that they really match

Menora · 15/05/2020 22:09

You just have to sift!

Menora · 15/05/2020 22:10

I also love art and history

Howlingattgesun · 16/05/2020 00:35

Flower, if, for want of a better word, you are only interested in a cultured man who will actually go to the opera, ballet, theatre, concerts , exhibitions then you are best off with a service that allows for a decent profile. Better still, see if real life allows you to meet someone.

If however its simply a nice to have then Tinder or Bumble might work for you.

But what ever app you choose the vast majority of people either aren’t that interested in the arts or if they are they aren’t fussed if their partner isn't.

EchoElephant · 16/05/2020 07:57

FlowerArranger I get that it's frustrating but you're giving the impression that you expect to try OLD and instantly find the man of your dreams.
Sadly it doesn't work like that. I wish it did!
It's a numbers game. Looking for a needle in a haystack time and it gets harder as you get older.

Some very generalised facts about OLD. Women are more choosy and will only "like" around 20% of profiles. This means men have to work harder to get noticed, so they tend to "like" about 80%.
But they won't necessarily be interested in all those women. They will filter out the ones they're not interested later.

How long have you been on Match? You can use Match without paying, so some men that you message may not be active or may not be a paid user so can't send messages.

On Tinder you can write a short bio of what you like. But most people swipe without reading it. Set it up, have a swipe through the profiles. see who you match with and get chatting. Just because they don't mention opera etc, doesn't mean they don't like it.
Maybe they've never been to the opera but would like to go there for a date.

Try POF again. It can be a bit glitchy sometimes and delete profiles for no reason.

I also suggest that you do some research. Google OLD sites for older people, ideas for profiles, how to get the most out of OLD etc.

Don't want to put you off but I've been doing OLD for around 6 years and haven't met the man of my dreams.
But I've met lots of nice men, had some great dates and I'm still friends with a few of them. It takes patience and time and lockdown isn't helping right now.

supercali77 · 16/05/2020 08:05

I wouldn't personally bother with pof if you're after culture. I'm not saying it's not on there but you'll be inundated by messages and that makes it harder. Okcupid tends to be less volume but more arty types.

EchoElephant · 16/05/2020 08:11

I've only ever found sex pests on OKCupid! Definitely no one who knew anything about art and culture.
Same applies to POF but where I live, there are more people using POF and Tinder.

It all depends on your location. I think you have to try them all and find one or two that work best for you.

CheesecakeAddict · 16/05/2020 08:23

I feel stuck in limbo. I know he said he's struggling and just needs some time and I'm trying to be sympathetic but a big part of me is worrying that he's using it as a way out and is ghosting me. I sent him a message yesterday asking how he's doing and heard nothing but then he liked a photo I put on SM (that's not ghosting behaviour, is it?). This is no longer fun 😔

Menora · 16/05/2020 08:26

What did he actually say cheese when he asked for time

CheesecakeAddict · 16/05/2020 08:52

He said he's struggling with the lockdown and he has issues with his moods and needs to shut everyone out for a few days but it's not me.

I'm trying to find a counsellor for my anxiety. I think I just spent so long in fight mode and having to be so distrusting of everyone that claimed to be in my side after leaving abusive exh that I really struggle to trust anyone has an ultior motive. I'm so screwed up 😅

dancemom · 16/05/2020 08:55

Feel for you @CheesecakeAddict

It's so hard when you have that unsure insecure anxiety feeling 😢

He can ask for space but it's your choice wether you have to accept that, you're perfectly entitled to say "this doesn't work for me" and end it.

But I know that's easy for me to say.

Menora · 16/05/2020 08:59

Hmm. Ok mood issues. Problem is this is not just a few days is it? Does he do anything to help his own moods or is he at home wallowing in it? Also he was so full on and attentive does he realise it looks like he woke up one day and completely lost interest?

Menora · 16/05/2020 08:59

Also yes to counselling mine has been so good for my anxiety

Swipe left for the next trending thread