Hes cheated on me

[Shelleygi]

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

So have you kicked him out or not?

Yes hes gone

How have people made you out to be a monster? From what everyone is saying they believe your husband is the monster, they just dont understand why you want to take out on the young girl?

Good, I'm glad he's gone. Now he's not dripping poison in your ear you can clear your head and recover in peace.

Look, you are angry. Totally understandable. The last thing you needed after coming out of hospital was this kind of upheaval.

So, it's probably that you took what he said as gospel because a) you are sick and b) reeling from him cheating and probably parroted the nasty things he's said without really thinking them through critically.

When the dust has settled you'll see that perhaps you were unfair towards her, and that you see why your husband bears sole responsibility for this. If he suggested to her that she can't work there any more due to HIS mistake that indicates not only is he much older than her, but also her supervisor. That's pretty bad.
Whatever it was, the baseline for you is that he cheated on you. That's more than enough to chuck him out, and if it turns out to be worse (and sorry to say I think you should brace yourself for it) then you can tell police /SS /employers that you have nothing to do with this nor want anything to do with this.

Tbh op you're continued posts throughout the thread has not put yourself in the best light.

She would be entitled to sue for unfair dismissal if he asked her to leave her job... And he will lose his job and be done for sexual assault... But it still her fault?
You need to open your eyes love.. Get rid of him.

Theres been maybe two or three people that have been a bit harsh to you on here op but for the most part people have just been blunt. No one thinks you are a monster.

Well done on getting him out. Concentrate on your health for now, that's the most important thing.

Well maybe start talking about what you intend to do right op. Instead of banging on about how this daft young lass is the route of all evil.

OP never stated the young woman (and at 18, she is a woman, albeit a young one) is the "root of all evil". She just posted that the young woman fancied her husband.

I agree, the other woman is not your issue, OP. Most posters are focusing on the chatter, rather than the issue. I am very sympathetic to what you are facing. But, now that he is gone, are you planning on making that permanent? Don't know yet? Do you have children? Is the business his, or is he an employee?

I suggest you seek counselling to sort out your feelings, the obvious pain you're going through, and the betrayal you have endured. Personally, I don't know if I could forgive this, mostly as I would assume it's something that could happen again. But, you are the one who knows this man, not anyone here, and you have to decide what is best for you in the long run. At the end of the day, ask yourself "Is my life better with him, or without him?"

Tbh op you're continued posts throughout the thread has not put yourself in the best light.

Bigass eyeroll.

She would be entitled to sue for unfair dismissal if he asked her to leave her job.

Only if he is in a position to fire her.

Where did he get her drunk ???? Everything is closed . I'm guessing he invited her to your home .
She's 18 she is not a child . She must of known what she was doing .

@Winterlife yes we have children and the business is his. Thankyou for being kind.
@Bedsheets4knickers not in my home he took her to a friends house

OP is in shock and this is terribly raw. Let’s try be compassionate here...time will give perspective but at the moment I don’t doubt she’s lashing out at everyone, husband included.

@Shelleygi I echo other posters, he knew what he was doing when he met her and engaged in a sexual act with her. He had no regard for you. Leave him to deal with his mess, whether that be her accusations or otherwise, and look after yourself and your family.

If what she insinuates is true then there is a long and difficult road ahead for all of you, this could be dragged through courts. If it’s a threat then the road is still long, and hard, but you have control here now. Remember that. You get to chose what your life looks like and what you are prepared to accept.

Good luck with your choices 💐

not in my home he took her to a friends house

Don't you mean she dragged him there to prey upon him?

Hopefully you're coming around to realising how disgusting his behaviour has been and how he is the person who has fucked up your relationship, not her.

Hopefully people's reactions on here have also given you a reason to rethink your previous comments and stance on this subject.

Glad you've kicked him out, I hope that's true and that you stick to it.

Breaking lockdown to shag an 18 year old in a mate's house then wheeling out the old "she's been after me for ages". Grim.

and if it turns out to be worse (and sorry to say I think you should brace yourself for it) then you can tell police /SS /employers that you have nothing to do with this nor want anything to do with this.

WTAF. I’ve read some crap on here but this takes the biscuit when the OP has been dealt a massive bodyblow and is vulnerable while looking after DC and recovering from an illness that put her in hospital!

Why on earth would SS get involved with the OP’s DH shagging an 18 year old who is well over the age of consent? Let alone her employers. Even if there was a my substance to the allegations and a case to prosecute, there is nothing to imply he is a risk to children (18 is definitely an adult) or that it would impact the OP’s job if she has one.

An 18 year old is perfectly capable of becoming infatuated with an older man and trying to have an affair with one. From what the OP posted (and she has more information than us) it sounds like a retaliation to being brushed off afterwards and if that is the case the only victim here is the OP.

I hope she concentrates on herself and her DC, and getting rid of her cunt of a husband, rather than these allegations.

for you OP.

Don't you mean she dragged him there to prey upon him?

Another bigass eyeroll. She went to the friend's house. She drank with him. She more than likely anticipated it was going to end in sex. I'm not condoning his behaviour, far from it, and the fact he's her boss makes it worse, and opens him up to a lawsuit because of the power differential.

OP, was the friend at home? If so, that friend could probably negate any allegation of rape.

I think he's stuck with her as an employee. He probably could give her a payout to leave, but if that's what it will take, he should seek legal advice to ensure she can't take further legal action.

She needs to go to the police. Cannot believe you even thought going to her parents (shows how very young she is) would be a good idea. Poor girl.

She must of known what she was doing.

It's impossible for you to know this. True she's an adult and well over the age of consent, and he's her older employer with the balance of power firmly tipped in his favour. He's proved this by asking her to leave her job. But these issues are really asides (albeit potentially aggravating factors should it go to court). The real question is one of consent, which is why it makes no odds whatsoever whether she was 16 or 36. Her claim is that she was too intoxicated to give full, enthusiastic consent. This is a really serious issue, and one which could land this man in a huge amount of trouble if she decides to pursue it.

It's also the reason why victims of rape like me react so badly to instances of victim-blaming - and where this thread is concerned there has been a lot of that, including the above assumption that she must have known what she was doing. It can be hard enough for someone in this position to come to the realization that what she has suffered was, indeed, rape - a horrible violation of her physical and mental boundaries - and any proof needed of this can be found on the myriad Mumsnet threads where a victim's first response is to question herself rather than the horrific behaviour of the men who helped themselves to her body without asking.

It's truly awful. The low conviction rate is horrible; the attitudes to women who have been raped, but are expected to stay quiet to make society feel more comfortable, are also horrible. And some of the posts on this thread are very revealing of these underlying attitudes. Check out the responses to Weinstein's trial if you doubt for one minute that attitudes to sex crime are very often to blame the woman against who it's committed. For whatever reason, it seems far more comfortable for society to believe it must by default be the women who are lying.

These are the reasons why monsters like my rapists were allowed to get away with what they did. It's why I, as their victim, find these kinds of assumptions so distressing. It's because attitudes like this are directly contributing to that low conviction rate, and the belief that everyone else is responsible for sexual assault except, God forbid, the men responsible. Yet interestingly enough, that seems to be the point of least consideration on this thread.

No one would need to look far to see why.

Negate? It is statistically far more likely to substantiate, if his “friend” was truthful. Two posters on this thread are repeatedly casting doubt on someone for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I hope you don’t ever, ever have to go through something like this and not be believed by some. It is hell on Earth, and your attitudes are precisely why people don’t speak up when they’re raped or assaulted. Pay off a victim? Nice!!

OP, I’m so glad you kicked him out. I’d strong advise taking time for you and moving away from the situation mentally. In time, speaking to a therapist may be very helpful and enable you to see things in a calmer context. I hope you feel better soon

Also I hope she seeks employment advice he cannot just use her then get rid of her. Hopefully they used protection!

It's also the reason why victims of rape like me react so badly to instances of victim-blaming - and where this thread is concerned there has been a lot of that, including the above assumption that she must have known what she was doing.

From what OP has posted, it sounds to me as if the allegation of rape didn't come until her husband suggested the girl find another job.

Realistically, even if he were put on trial, without other corroborating evidence, he is never going to be found guilty of rape.

Check out the responses to Weinstein's trial if you doubt for one minute that attitudes to sex crime are very often to blame the woman against who it's committed.

That must be why Weinstein is sitting in jail, with a 20 plus year prison sentence.

Pay off a victim? Nice!!

No. Pay off an employee.

I would strongly recommend against making any form of contact. None of this is your fault and whatever the situation turns out to be your husband was still unfaithful, I truly hope it isn’t the worst case scenario here for that girl and you but either way he needs to go.

OP, you are not getting abuse.

You are being questioned as to why you are reacting the way you are.

You have already said you have not spoken to to young girl in question.

Why do you think that is abuse?

From what OP has posted, it sounds to me as if the allegation of rape didn't come until her husband suggested the girl find another job.

It doesn't matter if they came 10, 15, 25 years later. And the OP's husband is a proven liar. But no - the liar must naturally be the woman.

That must be why Weinstein is sitting in jail, with a 20 plus year prison sentence.

Having got away with his repulsive actions for decades, and with an entire Twitter shitstorm until the day he was found guilty that the women were in it for the money, or were jumping on the bandwagon for attention (and who wants that kind of attention?)

Thank you for proving my point so much more eloquently than I could have done.

OP, you’ve had a great shock and are understandably stumbling around in the dark trying to make sense of it all.

Your husband felt entitled to have sex with his teenage employee and then fire her afterward, obviously viewing her as an inconvenience...all while you were ill/recovering from the virus. He is a pig on a power trip, thumbing his nose at boundaries. I would assume that he is massively selfish in general.

You made the right decision to toss him out. This is all on him. He has no integrity and to say he is a terrible role model for your children is an understatement.

I agree with others that you would benefit from the support of individual counseling as you navigate this devastating situation.