Hes cheated on me

[Shelleygi]

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

It doesn't matter if they came 10, 15, 25 years later. And the OP's husband is a proven liar. But no - the liar must naturally be the woman.

Context does matter. As I posted previously, I've been involved in trials where women have lied about rape. One lied because she didn't want her husband to find out she was sleeping with another man.

I've also seen rapists found not guilty - in one case, because the jury was divided, and they didn't want to have to stay sequestered for another day.

Having got away with his repulsive actions for decades, and with an entire Twitter shitstorm until the day he was found guilty that the women were in it for the money, or were jumping on the bandwagon for attention (and who wants that kind of attention?)

Thank you for proving my point so much more eloquently than I could have done.

Ten years ago, even five years ago, no one made any negative allegation against Harvey Weinstein. What he did is par for the course in Hollywood, though. For both female and male actors.

How horrible for you to find all this out after just coming out of hospital but her age, what she said and threatened are not what you should be focusing on, there your husbands problems and worries.
He had sex with another women while you were in hospital, it’s that simply. You’ve put him out, let him worry about it all and you concentrate on you and your children op; he’s not worth a second of your time or thoughts.

Hmmmm. What kind of friend does he have, that allow him (a married man) to use their house to bring back another woman... especially in lockdown

Or is this his usual MO bringing back women and you only found out because she threatened to go to the police.

I very much doubt this is the first time he's cheated on you. Who cheats for the first time during a global pandemic.... and has it all planned our where to take her for a shag. He planned this and not just on the spur of the moment...while you were in hospital. He doesn't love you...no man who loves his wife would sleep with another woman while she's ill in hospital.

Just think of all the steps he went through to execute this plan. It wasn't a heat of the moment thing.

He pretty much threatened her with dismissal. He is in a position of power....She's 18... and after having sex, he tells her to leave the job, because he made a mistake.

His actions were wrong on every single level.

Don't cover for him. Don't let him try and tell his family the split was your fault and make you the bad guy.

So, are you accusing this GIRL of crying rape then?

The way this appears to me is that he has told you because she is accusing him of attacking her.

Why would she just accuse him like that?! What do you think her motivation would be?

From a bystanders view your husband has more to lose here. Which also explains his behaviour.

I cannot believe you are so eager to refuse to believe this poor young woman. To the point you are suggesting going to her house to accuse her of faking a rape to her parents.

This young woman has been very clear about going to the police. That to me suggests she is telling the truth.

I'm actually sickened that your first reaction here is to victim blame. This is exactly why many rape victims stay silent.

Frankola Did you bother to read the OP’s post:
He told her he'd made a mistake and asked her to leave work. Sshe said if you sack me I'm gonna tell police you forced me. So thanks everyone yes im a fucking horrible person

Why on earth would the woman want to carry on working for someone who ‘raped’ her, especially as she still lives with her parents so it’s not like she needs the money to pay the rent? It’s not surprising the OP is disbelieving of a woman who chose to go to a presumably empty house with her much older married boss for drinks after previously showing signs of interest in him.

That is a separate issue though to what the OP is going through with her DH cheating on her while recovering from a serious illness which is why she came here for support!

OP I’d get this thread removed. It looks like people are just piling in with their own projections to make you feel like shit for something which you are the innocent party in. You need to talk to someone even just if just by phone. Don’t be ashamed to tell someone what’s happened. The shame is all his.

op, this must be a nightmare for you. you will be running on adrenaline at the moment so try and be kind to yourself, relax if you can.

fwiw, i think they’re as bad as each other and i have no time for anyone that cheats. i’m good friends with the girlfriend of one of my boyfriends friends and he brought a girl to my house once. i told her to get out along with him.

Jesus this is repulsive. Your husband took his staff member of just 18 to a friend's house and raped her... then spun you a backstory you lapped up and you're spewing such venom towards a woman who is barely more than a child still.

Get angry at your husband, get yourself some help.

Poor girl. Your husband is disgusting.

I agree with @CoronaIsShit. This is a husband problem. The young woman shouldn’t enter into the equation, or OP’s decision at all. It’s very easy for posters to say throw him out.

OP, I can understand why you’re conflicted (assuming you are). It’s not easy to break a family when you have young children. You’ve been betrayed but I suspect you probably still love your husband.

Again, I think you should seek counselling so you make your decision with a clear mind.

If your husband told you that bullshit story about her 'threatening' him, it's obviously a massive red flag as to it's credibility.
A story like that isn't much of a leap for a man who'd cheat on his sick, hospitalised wife...
I know who I would believe. If I'm proven wrong, so be it. But it would be a cold day in hell before I'd believe a man like that over that girl.

I think you are focusing on the debate over whether or not he may have sexually assaulted her because it's easier than focusing on the absolute, indisputable facts.

The fact is, by your own belief in the events that your husband met an 18 year old junior employee at a mates house during lockdown when you were due out of hospital after a traumatic time... and shagged her. He then told her she was out of a job due to this.

Even if you believe it was consensual then I would say her culpability in this situation is unbelievably low in comparison to your husband.

I really hope you're telling the truth that you've ended the relationship and that you don't cave or buy into this narrative of him being mercilessly pursued for a shag by a much younger woman until what... he simply couldn't resist so accidentally arranged to meet her at a mates house during lockdown while you were in hospital / on the day you came out, get pissed with her and shag her. Poor lamb.

Where were you children whilst he was either cheating or raping this woman, and how old are they?
Was your dh the one who gave this young woman the job?
He has told you this story because he is scared the police are going to come knocking on his door and what else can he say?
He has to say something so this is the ‘easiest’ thing he can say to you. He can’t deny having sex because his mate is a witness and there will be DNA evidence. He has tried to push the blame into this young woman who is young enough to be his daughter. No matter what happened he did not find himself in some awkward situation and find himself forced to have sex with her did he?
He set the whole thing up, taking her to his mates house.

Is his mate the same age?
That's not normal for a man to allow his married friend to bring an 18 year old to his house for sex...a lot of men would be disgusted even knowing about that and certainly wouldn't want it in their house.

Even if your husband randomly asked him and he didn't like it but didn't want to call him out on how gross it was he could have said no you're not coming around here because of covid-19.

so if his story is true then that makes me think that him and his mate have some kind of seedy agreement where they lie and cover for each other!! and it probably isn't the first time something like this happened!
Ugh

Friend didnt know about it. He was at work and H told him he had family visiting and could they stay there. H has had to now tell the friend the truth and hes rightly gone mad with him about it. The DC have been staying with my mum whilst I was in hospital. Still ppl are not listening that she has threatened to cry rape after he asked her to leave.. she didnt do it before and she was still sending him pics of her tits.

I dont think you're listening when we say to you that all that is HIS problem.

If someone cheated on me when I was in hospital. And I knew it was a very young woman. And I knew he also lied to and exploited his friend. And I knew he was only telling me because this girl was possibly going to bring criminal charges against him. That really would be enough for me to go 'she did what? Oh wait - I.dont.care because that's your problem!'.

I think you need to stop bringing the focus back to this young girl. That's why people are being tough on you. Even if she is a brazen harlet who lies - she still isnt half as bad as him by the virtue of her youth alone.

He could have groomed her for thise picks fyi. I wouldn't put it last him considering what a lying, manipulative person he is.

The point is you cant trust him or anything he says. Leave it to the police to sort out. Curious isnt it btw, that someone is blackmailing him and yet he hasn't reported it. If I was innocent of such a thing, I'd be straight down the police station to report the threat of false allegation hanging over me.

Anyway. Let him deal with his own shit.
If anything the young girl has done you a massive favour because you now see exactly who he is.

That's not the issue though. The issue is him sleeping with an 18 yr old and then dismissing her. Good God woman! He has crossed so many lines yet you hold on to the nugget of impropriety she's possibly shown. She may have slept with him willingly, or not, and there's a huge grey area in between but she is not the issue here, he is.

*pics

OP you've had a terrible shock and it is only natural that you want to blame the girl, instead of the man you love. Completely natural, and it is what the brain does when someone we love hurts us - it says he is not the true culprit, it's "the other". It isn't though. He's a grown man, he is the one that is married, he is the one that has taken vows and he is the one who has cheated on you. It truly isn't about this girl - it could have been anyone. Your husband is a pig, he cheated and then tried to get rid of the evidence by asking her to leave work. He's a complete and utter dick.

Do you know how long he's been fooling around with this girl. How often has he done it before, from your posts it sounds like he knows what he's doing.

Its up to you if you want to forgive him, just bare in mind if you let him get away with it then its an open invitation.

@Shelleygi I know what you're going through must be really hard ATM but @Wanderlust21 has it spot on. Even if she's a harlot who's been after him for months using her magical spells as oozing sex as men often seem to make out afterwards it doesn't change the fact he did it and it didn't "just happen" in the heat of the moment as they sometimes like to make out too, he clearly planned it out lying to his friend in the process and knowing where he was going to take her once they got down to business or once he had her drunk enough - you don't know which one it was.

Best case scenario is he tried to fire her afterwards (which makes him an even bigger dick than he already was for sleeping with her) and she has now getting back at him by saying she didn't consent and trying to make sure she keeps her job. - but that's his problem.

Worst case scenario is he did what she is accusing him of. - but again that's his problem.

Well done for kicking him out and I hope you manage to stay strong.

she didnt do it before and she was still sending him pics of her tits.

Neither of which means it wasn't rape, there's been both famous cases and posters on here who've been so confused by their rapes and how their attackers behaved after they went on to date them/sext them. It messes with heads.

We are listening, let's say it wasn't rape. Let's say while you were sick in hospital, your 35 year old husband had sex with an 18 year old girl. What is it you want to hear? He is still a disgusting. And the repercussions are his to deal with not yours

Shelleygi, we are listening and know what he is saying has happened.

He has shown that he lies and treats people appallingly so none of us will believe his version of events.

and we cannot understand why you are focusing on that instead of what he said happened.

Is it that you want to protect him from rape accusations or what?

btw if she was sending him pictures of her tits and he wanted to do the right thing he could have easily asked her to leave the job there and then and wouldn't be in this position now...but no according to him he just let it go on for months and months, fucked her, and then asked her to leave!

He's a pig!!

It's clear on reading these updates that the exploitative husband really has done a serious number on his wife's head. He has her completely taken in. To be clear about it, that's his failing, not hers.

He's used both these two women in the most callous ways possible. Again, his failing. But as far as emotional manipulation goes this man must be quite something. It's not really too much of a stretch to see how he got into the head of this much less experienced, 18-year-old girl, is it?

This is the most sinister, head-screwing, prejudicial, disturbing thread that I've read on Mumsnet for some time.

So best case scenario he thought argh an 18 year old junior employee is after me and sending me pics of her tits to which I'm replying. I should probably sack her.

But wait, I'll fuck her first.

Then get rid.

God he's a pig.

I think the best thing you can do is disengage from him.
He needs your support because he either believes it will help acquit him if it goes to court. Or he doesn't want to lose his comfortable lifestyle now that the fling/assault is out in the opening.
He has everything to lose, you however have the start of your new life to think about.