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Original poster

A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

624 replies

Butteredtoastandcoffee · 09/05/2020 08:24

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

OP posts:
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StuckInnTheMiddle · 09/05/2020 19:03

Just read that back and realise how horrible it sounds. I’m not for a minute saying that’s what your dh is doing. It’s very suspect that he’s blocking/unblocking you. My friends dh just didn’t want her to see that he was online for hours on end which is why he blocked her

Corruptedtongue · 09/05/2020 19:03

Going through the whole process of ‘blocking’ is a bit weird - there are many ways to tell if you’ve been blocked - and I guess he’d probably realise this if he was intentionally blocking you.

Corruptedtongue · 09/05/2020 19:12

Does ‘hide my status’ involve no profile pic?

Original poster
Butteredtoastandcoffee · 09/05/2020 19:21

No. That's the issue. Hide my status doesn't involve pictures.

My son can still see his picture. At the exact same time period. I cannot. So can determine it's not a WiFi issue.

Don't worry re: the sites. It's shocking. Your poor friend Sad

OP posts:
WoeIsMee · 09/05/2020 19:28

I would say follow your gut feeling Sad

Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar · 09/05/2020 20:12

Sounds dodgy. Definitely take screen shots and confront him.

Idontwantthis · 09/05/2020 21:18

Sorry op Sad

SandyY2K · 09/05/2020 21:20

He does use airplane settings when charging.

This prevent messages coming through that other people (like you) could see.

So if someone (like an OW) was messaging him...there's no chance you would see it pop up while on charge

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2020 21:28

Op, the issue here is not what’s going on with his what’s app. It’s that you can’t and don’t want to ask him

To put it into context if it was my husband I’d simply ask or pick up his phone and have a look,the fact you can’t and are trying to be all secret indicates there is a much bigger issue st play here.

SandyY2K · 09/05/2020 21:59

Op, the issue here is not what’s going on with his what’s app. It’s that you can’t and don’t want to ask him

When you spot dodgy behaviour, asking just gives the person an opportunity to hide it better....so you could ask and be spun a yarn and carry on thinking you have a great marriage with excellent communication, but you'd just be getting deceived without knowing it.

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2020 22:01

When you spot dodgy behaviour, asking just gives the person an opportunity to hide it better....so you could ask and be spun a yarn and carry on thinking you have a great marriage with excellent communication, but you'd just be getting deceived without knowing it

Cmon now. If you can’t ask you don’t have an excellent marriage and you know it.

No one with an excellent marriage thinks like that.

BusyProcrastinator · 09/05/2020 22:01

could it not also be because he's hiding you from OW? He won't get notifications popping up from you when he's with her if you're blocked. I think FB messenger notifications can be set to be more discreet, hence why he continues to message you on that.

Daffodil21 · 09/05/2020 22:16

You can 'mute' people on iMessage so their messages won't pop up. You can also do this on WhatsApp so blocking wouldn't necessarily be the 'go to' for stopping your messages coming through when he was with someone.

However, if he was with someone but also using WhatsApp to talk to friends/kids etc then blocking your messages would mean that he could still use WhatsApp while someone else was there. That's the only reason I can think for doing it. I really, really hope I'm wrong though Thanks

Corruptedtongue · 10/05/2020 05:55

I’ve never got to grips with how my contacts are stored on my phone - some are on my sim, some are not. Is it possible that you are not saved as a contact in the same place as your son. E.g your son is on his sim, you are not but saved elsewhere - so you are sometimes recognised as a contact. So if he has his profile pic saved as ‘contacts only’....

Original poster
Butteredtoastandcoffee · 10/05/2020 06:16

I wondered that but no. It happened again last night. I've messaged him repeatedly. All one tick!

It's not just the picture. I can't send him messages either. I even rang.

Tried adding him to a group - could not.

I'm blocked!

OP posts:
Original poster
Butteredtoastandcoffee · 10/05/2020 06:17

Also. He unblocked me yesterday for a while and his pic appeared. Then went again last night. No doubt at some point today he will unblock me, Ill see his pic and be able to message him! Sad

OP posts:
Chocolate123 · 10/05/2020 07:02

So sorry OP but he's up to something. I can't see how there's an innocent explanation for this.

BillHadersNewWife · 10/05/2020 07:30

You need to investigate his email or phone messages somehow.

Onesmallstep67 · 10/05/2020 07:41

Sorry @Butteredtoastandcoffee, this must be playing on your mind horribly at the moment. The rubbish part is not knowing what your best move is. Only you know your DH and how well you and he usually get on. Do you feel like there's a chance he's doing something whilst away ? Is he patchy in details about his day when you chat ?

AnotherBoredOne · 10/05/2020 07:43

Hoping it's not what you think.

Original poster
Butteredtoastandcoffee · 10/05/2020 07:50

Thanks.

I do feel like he is doing something.

Things haven't been good and I've noticed a change recently.

I can't get to his phone until he is home. Even then I'm not sure what it will reveal as he will be deleting everything.

I don't think he would do it at home but will check.

It is awful. I've been up most of the night. Anxiety stomach and everything. Thing is I don't really want to lose him. But I can't pretend this isn't happening. Sad

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 07:54

No one with an excellent marriage thinks like that.

Thinking one has an excellent marriage is what leads to a false sense of security.

No marriage is excellent IMO...I can agree with very good, but every marriage has something no matter how minor that it wouldn't be described as excellent...excellent is perfection...which would require 2 perfect individuals.
Nobody is perfect.

Even if you think your marriage is excellent, it would be wise to investigate further when something like this happens, because it's obvious he's hiding something.

I've just wisened up to not tipping someone off when you ask as you'll be told a tall tale. There have been a number of women who have done this, only to find out years later something was going on, but them asking the question made him hide it....and they thought they had a good marriage.

Years wasted, when if they'd have been a bit smarter, they could have found out what was going on and made an informed decision.

nepptune · 10/05/2020 07:59

Years ago, I was in a relationship with an extremely jealous partner who always thought that I was up to no good. She always used to monitor when I was 'online' on WhatsApp, asking who I was speaking to, why I was online early hours of the morning etc. It did my head in to the point where I stopped replying to messages late at night. I didn't think of blocking her so that I could talk freely with my friends, but in hindsight it would've saved a lot of hassle at the time I was with her.

Have you ever brought up his WhatsApp usage, or ever quizzed him about who he is speaking to? It could be nothing, but keep an eye on it!

copycopypaste · 10/05/2020 07:59

I did think that maybe he's blocked you to stop any messages coming through, maybe he was in meetings etc but as you iMessage him usually that doesn't add up

Maybe he's charging it in airplane mode, but again that doesn't explain why his picture disappears, but your dc/sister can still see it

Maybe he's got no signal, again that would be the same for your son/sister

Switched off, see above

The only reason I can think of is that you're blocked so you can't see when he's online, rather than you interrupting him.

I'm sorry about this but I've been in your position, i clocked, my then bf, was always on WhatsApp and his 'last seen' was early hours of the morning, I asked him what was going on and got some stupid answer along the lines of, I woke up and checked my phone/alarm was On and it opened in WhatsApp' he then switched his 'last seen' off, I then noticed that he was on line A LOT, his response 'I'm talking to my brother' after that conversation, he started blocking me. After i confronted him about that, the blocking stopped, as did his WhatsApp activity. Guess what happened then? He started using fb messenger all the time. He explained this away by telling me he was looking at fb a lot.

He was v careful with his phone and it took 2 weeks of checking and paranoia to see that 1 message to prove, without a doubt he was cheating

Original poster
Butteredtoastandcoffee · 10/05/2020 08:00

Our marriage is far from excellent.

Even if I thought it was, I would agree with staying calm and trying to work out what's happening. Unfortunately I have also seen it is very rare that someone cheating does the right thing and is open when confronted. They normally freeze and try to minimise.

I watched a good friend go through this a while ago.

OP posts:
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